Bodies in Space

They say the moon controls our emotions. E-motion as invisible and real as electrons, protons, and neurons. That stuff life’s made out of, built on. The little things under the surface that collectively make and move masses bit by bit. 

Elisa considered her feelings as the shadows around her began to collect and shift. A shadow for the shadow, doubled, darkness magnified. The eclipse was starting. That moment when the moon covers the face of the sun. 

But, what was it to her? Why did she care?

“C’mon everyone, let’s go outside,” said Ramona, her cousin and host of the viewing party. 

Elisa hated these things — parties. She always felt so awkward and out of place in them. Usually ended up finding a secure little corner to hunker down in, which today had been a seat in the breakfast nook in Ramona’s kitchen. But now she had to move, get up and go outside with the rest of them. She didn’t want to, would rather stay seated where she was and avoid the small talk and rubbing elbows with Ramona’s friends. Anxiety creeped in through her fingertips, up her limbs, and into her heart. 

Thump, thump. 

She felt fuzzy like the shifty shadows.This is silly, she thought and grabbed her special eclipse glasses before heading outside to where the viewing party was happening.  

“Everybody’s gotta make a wish when the eclipse is at its peak,” Ramona blared over the cheerful pop song playing from the large speaker in the backyard. “It’s the rules.”

Thump, thump.

People put on their glasses and looked to the sky. 

“Whoa, that’s so cool.”

“It’s like the moon is shinning in the daytime.”

“So beautiful.”

Elisa didn’t care, she didn’t put her glasses on. Instead she looked at the onlookers, like the shadow behind the shadow. 

Thump, thump.

She hated being here, being forced to mingle. Was only here because her aunt insisted she come to the party. Her mom and dad had already been on board and with that Elisa knew she had no excuse to say no. She hated how compliant she always was even though it took the life out of her to join their stupid parties. 

“Yes, of course I’ll be there,” she had said even though inside, her stomach churned at the notion of the commitment. She hated all of them. Their stupid faces always coming up on her social media feed. Humble bragging and often not so humbly bragging about their lavish trips to wherever she didn’t care to know about or the delicious meal they had at some fancy restaurant.

Why? She would ask herself. I don’t give a fuck about what you’re doing! 

She cared more about the stuff people were made of, their thoughts, ideas, beliefs. That wasn’t what her family cared about. They were showboaters, competing for attention, always trying to seize each other up. 

It was why she hated them. Their constant rubbing of their believed superiority in her face. All their stupid questions and comparisons. 

“Why don’t you go on a little trip Eli?” they’d ask her. Their condescending insinuation that she could only manage “little things.” 

“You need to get out more, Eli.”

“Oh, you’re so negative. You need to see the bright side of things.”

Most of all she hated how they got to her. Every damn time, they got to her with their insensitive stupid comments. For some reason they managed to rattle her emotions. She wasn’t like them. That much was clear. She didn’t want to be like them. What she wanted was for them to leave her alone. To let her be her own person, to stop trying to recruit her into the cult of so called family. 

“It’s almost there,” Ramona announced, like they couldn’t tell for themselves. “Let’s get a quick picture in before it peaks,” she said and called all of them together for the shot, insisting her husband take the picture.

Thump, thump. Thump, thump.

Elisa could feel beads of sweat oozing from her pores. She felt a little shaky as her annoyance grew while being surrounded by all their smiling faces. 

Deep breaths, she thought, deep breaths. 

“Oh honey, are you ok?” Her mother asked.

“I’m fine,” Elisa replied. “Enjoying the eclipse?” she asked her back trying to change the subject. 

“Oh yes. It’s nice isn’t it?” her mother put her glasses back on. “Oh look Elisa, it’s almost there. You gotta look now, this is it.”

“Quick everyone put on your glasses,” said Ramona. 

Elisa rolled her eyes, she didn’t know why she was being so anti. It was just her default mode when she was around her family, like a knee jerk reaction. Her mom shook her arm. “Look.”

Reluctantly Elisa put on her glasses and what she saw amazed her. For a moment just as the moon was about to cover the sun, there in the sky amid the darkness shone a golden cross and in a flash it was gone, replaced by what looked like a ring of fire as the moon covered the sun. 

“Did you see that?” she asked her mom.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Did you see the cross?”

Her mom looked to Elisa, confused, then back up at the sky. 

“It’s a circle honey, the moon hasn’t crossed yet. It’s gonna be a minute.”

Elisa didn’t say anything but noticed her anxiety had melted away, her emotions now caught in this special moment. She took her glasses off and looked at the small crowd of people around her. The music had stopped and they all stood in silence, in awe of what they were witnessing together. 

“Make your wishes everyone,” Ramona screamed still looking up at the sky. 

Elisa put her glasses back on and silly as it was, she tried to think of something. What should she wish for? 

She wanted a change in attitude. Didn’t want to be bothered by her relatives’ peculiarities anymore. Wanted to be more accepting of people, even though it was hard for her. Most of all she wanted to accept herself, be at peace with who she was regardless of what others thought. 

But she couldn’t express this feeling in that moment. Her mind went blank. Nothing seemed good enough for such an important wish and so she quit trying and instead just stood there watching the heavenly bodies move in space, feeling the shift of energy inside her until at last, too soon it seemed, the event was over. 

“Well that was something wasn’t it?” said Ramona, to no one in particular. Elisa caught her eyes and this time rather than dismissing her cousin’s comment she nodded in agreement. 

What was the point of being so miserable all the time? They were all just people, flawed and stupid, yes, but then again, so was she. They could also be kind and generous and so could she. 

“Did you make a wish?” Ramona asked. 

“I think so,” Elisa said. “And you?”

“Oh you bet.” 

Elisa smiled.