You are my sunshine

The soft glow of the bedside lamp cast a warm light over the room, illuminating the delicate features of the elderly woman lying down on the hospital bed. Her breathing was shallow, a rhythmic reminder of the fragility of life. Her daughter sat beside her in a chair close enough to stroke her thumb along her mother's palm.

Only a few days ago they had been laughing together, sharing memories of joy with each other. The hard truth slipped beneath the cracks as she savored the small amount of time she had left with her mother. The realization weighed heavily on her heart, threatening to drown her in a sea of grief. She would be gone soon. Her eyes began to well up, emotion overcoming her thoughts. Time was passing like sand through her fingers. How much longer does she truly have? At that moment, a sense of helplessness washed over her, ready to burst the last bit of composure she held.

She watched her mother's silent breaths. A woman once so full of life and love, so strong and cheerful now frail and empty. And so, in the quiet of the room, bathed in the soft glow of the bedside lamp, the daughter clung to her mother's hand, her heart heavy with the weight of impending loss. 

“The other night dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms

But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

So I bowed my head and I cried

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away,” her melodic voice flowed through the dark room. The hauntingly beautiful melody carries memories of a time long gone. Her light fingers wrapped around the older woman’s pale hands. She sang a song so deeply etched into her childhood. A bittersweet lullaby. It was supposed to comfort her and make her feel at home again. Like her mother was still holding on to her but her hands were stiff and cold and distant.

“Mommy? I can’t sleep...” the young girl cried as she opened her mother’s door. The monsters in her room crept under her bed and into the closet, threatening her through the night. 

“Well, how about I sing you a song then? Maybe then you can fall asleep?” Her mother spoke so softly that it brought immediate relief. The girl crawled into the empty spot beside her mother, snuggling into the blankets of security.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away” Her mother sang away all the sadness and fear.

When the daughter opened her eyes, she remembered this wasn’t her home. The walls were devoid of pale yellow, bright white took its place. Gone was the smell of sweet vanilla and pine. In its place was darkness and cold, the room reeked of cleaner and medicine.

 She looked at her suffering mother and remembered she wasn’t the one singing. This time it was the daughter's turn to sing away the pain, to cover her in the warmth of her voice. 

 A window in the corner brought no light like it should have. This wasn’t home and yet, she still felt like she was close enough to it when holding her mother's hand. It didn’t matter where she was, as long as her mother was there; anywhere could feel like home.

So once again she started the song, “You are my sunshine.” The words were fighting their way out of her throat, she began to choke on her emotions. 

“You make me happy when skies,” she continued but the sudden beeping crushed any chances of her finishing the song. She rested her head on her mother's side.

One by one nurses came rushing in, taking everything she had left. She would have held on a little tighter had she known how little time she had with her mother. All of her childhood, all the fights, all the times she could have stayed. She would have, had she known. Time was a thief, a merciless thief.

Her composure was gone, a shattered dam. The people surrounding her were blurred by tears. Hands on her shoulder pulling her down. They wanted her to say goodbye. She wanted anything but. They declared her time of death and turned off the monitor, the beeping coming to a halt. 

“She’s passed, my dear. She went in peace,” the nurse pulling her down said.

Maybe she wouldn’t be so torn apart if she believed them. They gave her space, said to take her time. But no amount of time was enough. She wanted it all back. The room was once again silent but full of unspoken emotion.

Her home was no longer a place or a person. Her mother, her rock and her sunshine, was now a melody. Her home now a song.

The girl got up from her chair and turned off the dim light, letting the dark room engulf her. She bent over and pressed her lips to her mother's forehead—another one to the back of her hand. 

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms

But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

So I bowed my head and I cried

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away.” She let the tears flow freely, her voice breaking with every word she sang. 

She whispered into the dark cold room. No one to hear her but the spirit of her silent companion, “I love you mom, goodb-” Her sobs filled the silence.