Comfortably Making Noise

Emma’s family was clearly made up of introverts who had little interest in prolonged social chatter. This didn’t surprise Daniel; he could tell as soon as he met Emma that she kept to herself and preferred small gatherings or staying at home with a book. That worked fine when it was just the two of them, but now that he was attending one of her family dinners for the first time, it felt pretty awkward. 

Daniel was the opposite of Emma. He loved to socialize and go out with his friends when she and him didn’t have any date nights planned. His family loved traveling and hosting big gatherings, and he’d always been taught the art of good conversation when growing up. In fact, one of his favorite books was How to Win Friends and Influence People. 

As everyone sat around the table, some family members looking at their phones while others pretended to be having the best mashed potatoes ever made, Daniel smiled politely and squeezed Emma’s hand. Then, he decided it was time to break the ice.

“Well,” he said to the small dinner table consisting of Emma’s parents, cousins, and aunt and uncle. “I know that I blew everyone away when I walked in the door, and maybe that’s just my good looks doing the work. But I have to admit, I didn’t expect the stunned silence to last into dinner.”

Emma immediately burst into giggles. Some of the family soon joined her in laughter, and he noticed the mood changed. One of Emma’s cousins, Natalie, put down her phone and looked in Daniel’s direction.

“Well, Emma did say that you’re the first guy she’s ever dated that appreciates how quiet she can be.” Natalie said.

“It’s true,” Emma replied. “Daniel is really special. I’ve had so many guys complain they can’t get a read on me or that I need to be more talkative. It’s like they expect me to change. He never has, even though he’s an extrovert. He’s even looking to find some hobbies he can do at home so we can have quieter nights inside when I need a break from socializing.” 

“Really? Like what?” Marty, Emma’s dad, suddenly seemed interested too.

“I just started working on that,” Daniel replied. “I don’t read as much as one should, to be honest, but I was thinking about building LEGO models or learning how to play guitar, if that doesn’t bother Emma.”

“No, it wouldn’t at all,” Emma smiled at him. “Well…as long as it’s not an electric guitar. I may have to draw the line there.”

“No problem, love. I can see you and Natalie have spent a lot of time together talking about me.”

“In a way, yes. She loves to set up her friends, so even though I met you through online dating, she’s been asking about every detail so far. I tell her only what I think you wouldn’t mind reading if you saw it.”

“So Natalie is a matchmaker in her free time. Unless, that is, her phone is her hobby that she can also engage in while she eats dinner.”

At first, Emma didn’t reply. She was worried her family would think Daniel was coming off as rude or bored with their introversion.

“Yeah, we all tend to keep to ourselves.” Natalie agreed. Emma smiled, relieved that Daniel’s comment was well-received by at least one family member. 

“Well, maybe we can try to turn that into a positive thing,” he suggested. “Is there anything interesting that you’re looking at? Anything new with one of your friends or another family member who’s not here?”

She looked back down at her phone. “Ummm, well my friend Kayleigh is traveling through  Europe. She’s taking a gap year from college right now. Look, here she is taking the train in France.” Natalie turned her phone toward Daniel.

“Wow, I’m even jealous. I was always hesitant to take time off in college. For as extroverted as I am, I was afraid I would feel homesick if I traveled abroad or took a break for my own well-being. But hopefully once Emma and I build up our careers more, we’ll have the time and money for travel.”

Natalie smiled. “Yeah, I can’t wait for her to get back, though. She’s been gone about six months, which is around the time you and Emma met.”

“SIx months is a good mark for a lot of things. The halfway mark to a one-year milestone, the amount of time it takes you to feel comfortable in a new place sometimes, and yes…even the countdown to when a friend gets home. Thanks for sharing that, Nat.”

“You know, I have an idea. While I’m not a fan of phone use being a hobby, it’s clearly something a lot of you do, whether you want to hide from the world or would rather read your phone than make conversation with a new person, or even just love keeping up with your friends and family. So, let’s turn our phone usage into a positive. Why don’t we all go around and talk about something interesting we saw or read on our device today? It can be news about someone important in your life, an interesting article, or even a funny video. No pressure, and who knows what we’ll bond over, right?”

“It’ll be fun, I promise,” Emma said. “Dan always wants to know what books I’m reading or help me pick something to watch on movie night. I hope he didn’t come off as dismissive or arrogant.”

“No, I think he has a point,” Marty chimed in. “Let me go get my phone and I’ll see what I can find.”

Emma looked over at Daniel. “Looks like you charmed yet another crowd,” she laughed. 

***

The rest of the afternoon flew by. Sharing the contents of their phones over dinner had helped Emma’s family feel closer to Daniel after just one meeting, and afterward, they’d started a spirited game of Trivial Pursuit before Emma had to get going to finish up laundry in time for another work week. 

“You know, I’ve had a couple of boyfriends who can’t handle the first family meeting,” she told him. “Not necessarily because of the introvert/extrovert thing, but they get nervous under the awkward silence and the unspoken pressure of making a good first impression. After all, it often feels like the whole family has to approve of the relationship.”

“No, for sure. I get that too. And initially, I looked at your family and I thought that there was no way I could get through to your relatives. That they’d just think I was too outspoken and maybe obnoxious. Believe me, even though I love meeting new people and making friends, I worry sometimes too about what people are thinking of me.”

“That’s why I love you. Because you’re so honest and will meet people where they’re at. You didn’t expect my family to change for you, and you never asked that of me in the last six months either.”

“Maybe…” she trailed off. “Maybe this is a sign we need to start thinking about the next step.”

“Engagement?” he asked.

“I know that even though it’s the 21st century women are still used to men doing the asking. And I’m not proposing. But I think we should talk about it more and figure out a further vision for our lives together. Guys like you don’t come around often. And hey, if you can get past your own anxieties for me, then I can do it for you. You mastered the family meeting and turned the introversion into a blessing instead of a flaw. How can I not like that?”

“Like I said at dinner, if my looks don’t seal the deal, nothing will.”

He squeezed her hand again at a red light. “Emma, if you want to talk about settling down and preparing for marriage, I’d love to have that conversation. Just tell me where to begin.”

“It’s a plan,” she couldn’t help but lean on him for a minute. “The future is looking pretty bright.”