Guide to Growing Up

Step 1. “You got this! Amazing! Great job!” your mother calls as you move those chubby legs across her stained oriental rug. This is the first step in life: Moving forward. In this case, learning how to walk. Remember this step. Those tiny legs of yours will be helpful throughout your life. Cherish them. Appreciate the way they feel, carrying your weight across the living room. When you go off balance and end up in a crawl, try again. Always pick yourself back up when you fall down. 

Step 2. “My baby’s all grown up,” your dad says, tears in his eyes. This is a lie. You’re not all grown up. You’re six now and wearing the fluffiest pink dress you’ll ever wear. That is until your bat mitzvah, then you’ll wear an even fluffier dress. The tulle scuffs up your knees, and you beg your parents to let you wear pants. But this is a father-daughter dance, and you will dress accordingly. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. You’ve learned to walk, now you must learn to have fun. Or at least try to. Learn to dance while you’re at it. Let your father spin you around, showing his little girl off to his friends. 

Step 3. “Come on! Two times ten. You know this one,” your teacher pushes. She always pushes, even when math isn’t your best subject. This is the part where you learn to hold your nose to ignore Mrs. Field's coffee breath and truly listen. It’s hard to pay attention when you don’t care about what you're learning. Math will not do you any good right now, but you will need it throughout your life. Don’t ask why, you just will. Fake it till you make it. That’s step three.

Step 4. “Oh, sweetie. Let’s try pads,” Mom says kindly. The tears rolling down your cheeks are not needed but don’t hold them back. Never hold back your emotions. That burning sensation in your eyes will only get worse the longer you try to ignore it. But in this case, the blood running down your leg is natural. Embrace it. Take an Advil and a heating pad and let your mother care for you while you learn how to navigate your first step at becoming a woman. It’s scary, but you’re growing up now. 

Step 5. “We told you to study and you didn’t even try! You’re grounded.” The first real scolding of your life. The exam you took was much harder than you expected, and the few notecards you made weren’t enough to get you through it. While your brain tried to grasp any information it read on those little pink slips of paper, it went blank. Never let a test make you feel like a failure. You failed the test, but you haven’t failed yourself. Not yet. You’re too young for that. You’re only at the end of middle school.

Step 6. “This is incredible. Did you make this?” Talent, that’s what it is. At fifteen, you learn how to paint the most beautiful picture your parents have seen. It’s not the most beautiful painting in the world, but in their eyes, it’s perfect. Everything you do is. But that is not the sixth step. Step six is don’t give up hope. That stunning picture of a sunset you painted did not receive a great grade. You will sob, thinking that this is the end of you. It’s not. Remember the last step? 

Step 7. “Just kiss me already,” they whisper, voice rough. The butterfly feeling in your stomach will settle eventually, but for now, enjoy the first kiss. Enjoy it because not everyone gets a simple one like this. It doesn’t need to be special, it just needs to be easy. At least for your first. This person is not your everything, but for now, they’re just right. They’re safe. It’s okay to be safe.

Step 8. “I hate you!” Those cruel words are coming out of your mouth. Immediate regret runs through you, but it’s too late to take it back. Those three words are out in the universe now and that's okay. Trust that it’ll be okay. They’ve broken up with you now that you’ll be departing for college soon. Neither of you has plans to go to the same place, so it's for the best. They asked you once to apply to their dream school, but you told them no. Good. You did the right thing by rejecting them that way. They let you go before your heart could be fully crushed by them. You will know real heartbreak one day–the feeling of it being ripped out of your chest and squashed by someone you love. Not today. Always follow your intuition.

Step 9. “Our little girl is growing up,” Dad says. His heavy arms wrap around you, squeezing you tight. The black gown draped over your body is too warm for a hug like this, but you can’t let go. Especially not when your mother joins in. You will be in college soon discovering new things about yourself. You might even become a different person from the girl you are right now. So always remember step nine: It's okay to let go.

Step 10. “Everything is changing,” you mentally tell your reflection in the window. Your parents have just left, and now all you can do is stare at the one familiar face in the room. Orientation is scary, but the hundreds of strangers surrounding you are scarier. Step ten might be one of the most important–the one that will aid you throughout the rest of your life. Allow yourself to explore. Explore people, relationships, and hobbies. Explore walking on two legs for the first time and dancing with loved ones. Explore pushing through rough patches. Explore growing up and learning from failure. Explore hookups and heartache. Explore those last moments.

Do you think there are only ten steps? No, there are thousands. Too many to count. Every lesson learned can be a new step. Your life cannot be narrowed down into a list. It might help, but it might not. That’s why we need step eleven: Rules can change. Don't rely on a list; your world is too fluid for it.