Feeling Okay

I did not take my anxiety medicine today knowing I will be okay.

             Walk to the sliding glass door as beams of sunlight strike my floor. Today is a good day to go out to experience the fresh air. To breath it in deeply as I have done so many times in the past. To take in the beauty of nature created to bring peace to a soul in pain.

             I look around outside and see no one in sight.

             “Perfect,” I say. “Time to go out Picolo.”

             She barks and dances as I pull the glass door open. In moments she is out and running across the field. The joy I can see to be free. No constraints to hamper the freedom to run.

             “Let me enjoy a little of such an emotion,” I think as I step out onto the patio.

             I look to my left and right seeing the mole has been at work. Rich, dark dirt mounds here and there. I go to one of the mounds and grab a perfectly round rock. A mixture of gray and black as I turn the rock over and over.

             “You will make my faithful dog happy today.”

             I walk west of my small home onto long, green grass with natures items scattered throughout my path. Fallen leaves, twigs and branches, and mushrooms erupting from the earth.

             I step onto a gravel road that leads to the lake. I glance toward the lake and see geese lying on the pebbled shore.

             “I hope you enjoyed your relaxing moment,” I mutter toward the geese.

             Moments later, Picolo is rushing toward the geese. She is feet away when they burst into the air and fly a good twenty yards to land in the lake, honking profusely. Picolo rushes into the water but stops less than five feet in. Barks then turns around to step out and running commences around the field. Maybe that is what I need to do? Run and run all over the field. To scream at the top of my lungs, but I did not need unwanted attention.

             There are pine trees scattered throughout the field, but I go to an area that has no trees. A flat field as long and wide as a football field. I go to the middle and stop. I close my eyes to enhance my hearing and smell. Immediately a lukewarm breeze caresses my left arm.

             “Are you out here today?” I ask.

             I keep my eyes closed as my imagination erupts, slowly opening them to see what to behold. I see family that has moved on; walking, running, skipping, crawling, standing, and sitting in the field. None of them pay me any mind as they go about enjoying their new life. Leaving the pain to the living. I look to my left and see her. My lost love. And she is looking directly at me with those beautiful, doe eyes. She is smiling, showing off those lovely dimples I lightly squeezed ever so often. I want to run over and give her the biggest hug ever. It is not to be. I close my eyes then open them again. I stand in an empty field.

             Picolo barks nearby. I look toward the bark and see her sitting feet away looking at me with anticipation. She has surely seen the rock in my hand. I look at the rock one more time, not sure I will see it again. Sometimes Picolo will bring it back to me. Other times she takes it to the lake and drops the rock in the water.

             “Here we go,” I say, and I chuck the rock as hard as I can toward the lake.

             Picolo is off in a flash.

             I walk over to the gravel road and head toward the lake, scanning the ground as I take step by step. There is a good chance I will find another rock for Picolo to fitch. If I do I will send it in the opposite direction for it will be a sure way to exhaust her.

             “Hello,” I hear a faint voice to my left.

             I look toward the field with trees, not seeing a soul in sight. Maybe they are hiding behind a tree. I doubt that is the case.

             This field was bustling with activity years ago. A place for church camps in the summer. Children running and playing across this field. I can see them enjoying their lives. Enjoying their innocence. How I wish the innocence would stay as one gets older.

             “The children I see are in their twilight years or they are gone at this present moment,” I mutter. “I pray they are enjoying youth for eternity."

             I glance back to the ground and see a perfect rock to throw. a gray rock with a couple of dull, yellow stripes.

             "Picolo!” I call out, seeing she is close to the water, watching two ducks far off in the lake returning her stare.

             Picolo turns and a fast trot toward me and takes off as soon as I throw the rock. She quickly passes me, coming upon the rolling rock to chomp down on it.

             I walk down to the lake, feeling a slight breeze caress my right arm.

             “You always loved the lake, my love.”

             I go over to a stump and sit down. Even though it is a beautiful day there is no one out on the lake in their boats or jet skis. Just a calmness. A time of quietness. A feeling of peace in my fractured soul.

             “How much this is needed,” I say.

             Blessed to be able to live in a place so close to the lake. There are people who live near me or across the lake, but so many days like today where it is just me.

             “Thank you,” I say as I close my eyes.

             Tears form and drop on my lap as a little bit of healing comes my way. A little bit of pain taken.

             I open my eyes upon the bark of Picolo.

             “Ready for another rock,” I say to her as I stand up from the stump.

             She drops the rock nearby as I pick it up and moments later it is flying. Picolo runs off to retrieve it. Today is a good day to run just like Picolo. The breeze picks up as I run across the field. I am sure the unseen loves to see the smile on my face.