A wicked thing to do

I am tired, and it’s been a long day. The hike is beautiful and the view distracts me from my anxiety. I know I took a wrong turn and I’ve added at least ten kilometres to my journey. It’s getting dark and although I have supplies, and my head torch, I’d rather not be here. It is isolated and I am alone aside from a large hare that has just run across my path, and the sweeping condors dancing through the sky. My phone battery is dead. I took too many photographs, and then the chill of the evening took the final ten percent. I spent the last half an hour getting annoyed with myself, and my mood has plummeted. 

In the distance there is a glow of a small light.  I hear a ringing sound and vibration as a large phone calls out. It’s like an early mobile circa 1997, and is sat on a tree stump. I answer it before I really know what I’m doing, and before I say anything there are voices. 

I listen in to what seems to be an argument, a disagreement of sorts. 

“Thats not right” , says a voice with a  high pitched tone. 

“That may be so but that is what needs to be done”, another voice, treacle like, smug and self assured announces.

“It doesn’t have to be. There are other options” A deeper voice says sounding tired.

“ We are going round in circles” says a voice with a distinct accent different to the rest.

The voices are then interrupted by a commercial for a drink to give you apparently enhanced energy.

Looking back I have often asked myself why I get involved, or why I continue a certain line of action. All I can say is I wanted to know what was going on. I need to know I guess. Maybe I should have stayed in my own lane. I didn’t put the phone there and I didn’t make the call. I acknowledge I picked up.

I’ve been half listening to the commercial, and half in my own head thinking what am I doing, and I realise it has come to an end. 

An artificial sounding voice with neutral electronic undertones takes control.

“We have a new participant”, it says.

There is clapping.  I can’t work out how many people are on the call. It sounds like 100’s.

“ Thank you for joining us”, the electronic voice says.

“Please state your name, location, and the year you are joining us from”, it says.

I hesitate. The phone is getting hot, and a  murmur coming from it starts getting louder. My ears are ringing,  I throw the phone down, and I run, not even thinking of the direction. 

I run for what seems about ten minutes, the light of the day has almost gone, and I am out of breath. I hold my side and bend down. I’ve got to get out of here. Ben’s face appears in my mind. When this happens it takes everything else away. I’ve tried to move forward, really I have but, and there is always one, I can’t stop thinking of him. Like an addiction, a dependency I need my fix,and even if it is a visage, a dream, a fantasy I make it real. 

A noise ahead makes me focus, and there is the tree stump and the phone and this time it is not ringing. This time there is already connection.

From the phone, I hear…

“I knew she’d come back”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“Or human even”.

A picture of me appears near the phone. I am not looking my best but this is neither here nor there. It’s a scanned image. 

The electronic sounding voice states:

“Female, 5ft 6, weight 58 kg. Age 30-40. Estimated 33 years and 4 months”.  

My flickering image slowly fades.

“What do you want”, I say.

“What do you want “, says the electronic sounding voice.

I hate this. I hate it when people answer a question with a question, and don’t answer yours. Ben did this, and in I would fall, never ever getting to know any answers. Never learning when the tables are turned.

I sit down on the tree stump next to the phone and look at the horizon, and the disappearing light.

“I want to get out of here”, I say. I feel defeated.

“Where do you want to go”, the voice says.

Two years ago I would have said home. 

Now I don”t know. I find myself saying without thought, 

“Anywhere”

“This is brilliant”,  a voice calls out excitedly. This was the voice I remember saying there were other options. And then they’re off, like I’m not even here. 

“We need agreement”

“You heard her. She said she wants to get out of where she is, and go anywhere”.

Yes, couldn’t be clearer”.

I start to think about the words I have said, and where I do want to go.

They continue to talk about me.

“She’s agreed”

“She doesn’t know what she’s agreeing too”

“ It’s best”

“ Best for who”

“ Hello”, I call out. 

“ I am still here. What’s going on”, I say.

My extremities are tingling,  and I notice my fingertips have disappeared.

The phone has gone quiet.

“What’s going on”, I scream out.

Then I see a shape emerge in the distance.

It looks like Ben. He is walking towards me smiling. Behind him in the distance is home. The home we used to have together. It feels real and I want to believe it to be true. I go to take a step towards him but I am petrified and frozen .

My left arm has completely disappeared.  Bit by bit painlessly parts of my body vanish. I try to scream and there is no noise.

Ben has run to the spot where I am.

“Lydia”, he calls out my name three times.

I don’t think he can see me. I can see him,  and he is picking up my bag, and going through it. Maybe he is looking for clues. He then looks around and shouts out my name some more.

My body has almost gone. I think my head is still there as I can see hair. A floating head. Can he not even see that! Can he not see me at all. 

Now I feel the urge to laugh at how ridiculous I would look if anyone could see me. A floating head!

The endorphins have kicked in. Pain has turned to pleasure as I feel like I’m floating through a million years or so. I’m high above, travelling past planets, stars, loves, loss and time. I see a moving shiny image. 

I am seeing Ben again. It’s been two years since I saw him last. Maybe we will be reunited. My hopes, my dreams. 

Then his image goes. There is bright lights, then fairground music, a concert with the crowd singing, a solitary scream, and then laughter, then nothing. 

It has gone to total blackness. I feel heavy and there is an oppressive silence that I want to break. 

My hands reach out. It seems like I’m  in a box, and I hear voices speaking.

“ She’s moving”, one voice says.

“Lydia. Thank-you for joining us”, another says.

“Where am I”, I say.

“ This is a holding space for raw materials, information”, one voice says.

“ A storage unit”, another exclaims.

“ Welcome to the cloud”, says another. 

“ I want to go back”, I say.

“Please”, I add.

“ I’m sorry you can’t”, says a voice.

“Not possible”, says another.

“You agreed”, says another

“ I didn’t agree to this”, I protest weakly.

My connection, my thumb print on the phone ticked all the necessary boxes, plus the recording of my voice. The electronic voice presents the evidence for my incarceration.

“Lydia, thanks to you, a national disaster has been averted and many lives have been saved”.

I don’t believe a word any of them are saying. What disaster and how can they say it was going to happen for sure  if they did not do this to me. It makes no sense at all. 

“ And you will be pleased to know that your every neuron, all 86 billion of them are being actively primed, mined,  and utilised effectively. Thank-you for your service”

I’m trapped in this room. A phone slides in from above. It’s tiny. I reach out for it, and as it touches my palm it melts into my skin. Suddenly I feel alive again, and it’s all good. I hear the conversations, it’s harmonious, and I see a sunset over a city I once belonged too. Ben is walking towards me. I lie back in oblivion and wait for him.