A Lettered Gift

The pen rested against the curve of her palm, Lucai chewing her bottom lip as she pondered over her words. How do I find the words to encompass what my entire heart is too small to feel the entirety of? 

The poets had all run their course, equating this tiny four-letter word to everything from the majesty of oceans and earthquakes, to the gentle drift of a petal against a sunlit cheek, the caress of a lover long yearned for.

A small mountain of crumpled paper rested by her elbow, frustration tearing out draft after draft, no turn of phrase, no metaphor, no symbolic allusion to tragic heroes or the Romantics of centuries ago were enough to put to words the stirrings in her chest since the previous night. 

When they'd both been too exhausted to utter a single word, but neither made a single move to hang up. It had been last year she was remembering, when she'd fallen asleep mere minutes after her breathing levelled out in her earphones, sleep pulling her to itself more gently than it had in months; allowing her peace more easily than it ever had before. Once a dreaded foe, now friend. 

Her eyes fluttered closed, wont to abandoning the task she had so determinedly set upon. Her mind greeted her with a flash of memory: Hannas slowly spreading smile ass he roved over the words on the page, the spilled ink and black smudges doing nothing to deter him. hanna, not giving a second's warning before she lunged and tackled her to the bed, pressing kisses all over her face through the intermingling of their laughter–hers shocked, hannas delighted. 

'More,' she'd said. 'I love your words more than anything; I can't tell you how happy they make me.'

'I think I can tell,' she had replied with another breathless laugh. 

lucia opened her eyes, the pen already scratching before her sight fully adjusted to the honey-coloured light spilling over her desk. 

My love, that night I fell asleep to the sound of your breaths in my ears. With my eyes closed, it was almost as though you were with me, the only cruel marker of your absence the cold that embraced me from each side. It was the cruelest pleasure: having you so close as to hear the uninhibited words that slipped your tongue in the realm of unconsciousness, and yet so far that my bones ached for your presence. 

I would wake each time you did, too attuned to your breathing for this to have been the first time I heard you sleep. I would wake each time I heard the deep breaths giving way to near silence; wake to your inevitable ‘I love you’ and reply whilst still asleep, before I even treaded consciousness, so aware was my heart of you. I love you, the three completely incomplete words neither one of us could stop saying–not enough and somehow still encompassing all. Not enough, though, never enough.

You are the light of my life. The light making my eyes snap open, with my heart in my mouth and a grin splitting my cheeks. You are my happiness, the sole cause and purpose. My happiness, my joy, my light.

My love. I love you. That means I would defend you with my life even if the odds were insurmountable. It means I will comfort you in the difficult and painful times. It means I will dance and rejoice with you when times are good. It means I will never betray you, never give up on you. It means finding my fire when you, my loved one, is threatened, yet never waging war - only doing what is necessary for a noble defence. Love says I forgive you when you err. Love says though life may test me I am yours into eternity and I will never abandon you. It means I will never put you in danger no matter how noble the "cause" may be. Love means protecting the earth, protecting humanity, being kind to animals, but should anyone demand your life to save their own I will tell them to rot in hell. There can never be a higher calling to me than protecting and caring for those I love. Love, I'm not perfect, but I'd follow you into hell if that's what it took to keep you safe. I am your protector as you are mine, one to shield the other. After keeping children safe, as all adults must, not a single soul comes before you. So I'll stay with you as you stay with me, trust in you as you trust in me, and together we'll ride through every storm, waiting to see what the new dawn may bring.

So when i give you this Lettered Gift this love day, and you ask like you have time and again, "Don't you worry what they think?" I will answer with this

"Don't tell me who I can and cannot love. Don't put limits on what is or is not appropriate. Take the shackles off love. It does not know geographical or religious boundary, it cannot be confined within one race or culture. I can love the whole world, I can love any person of any age, gender and background. Love flies on indestructible wings and I am blessed to feel it running through my veins.' I love you Hanna, I have for years. XOXOXO

__Luica__

A hint of content hit me, This is the one the Lettered gift I'd give, she'd love it, so i load my things into my white lincon, back out of the driveway and soon after into the cemitary, three rows down five stones over two stones up, "Hey my lovely Hanna, I wrote you somthing my dear," I breath out a sigh, hear goes, "My love, that night I fell asleep to the sound of your breaths in my ears. With my eyes closed, it was almost as though you were with me, the only cruel marker of your absence the cold that embraced me from each side. It was the cruelest pleasure---"

The end.