Who Really Are You?

They say It only starts with one lie. There was no way to tell what it would actually turn into. It was like cookie crumbs leading to the big revelation of someone I could not recognize in any way. 

When I first met you I remember the encounter front to back. Your voice was slow, calm, and seductive. You had a warmth to you that oozed with charisma. I knew nothing about you but wanted to know more. I was practically begging for it. You had this long dark hair, brownish copper eyes, and olive skin. You had big lips with brown lip liner and light pink at the center. You exuded confidence. I couldn’t imagine someone not liking you. Suddenly we were sitting at a table with other mutual friends but only we existed. We talked about all sorts of things from our favorite music artists to movies to creating our first inside joke. When I left,  you told me that I was really pretty and you enjoyed every minute of the encounter.

The first thing that ever surprised me about you was when you told me that you hated the way you looked. I could almost not believe it with the way you carried yourself. I told you that you were the prettiest girl I had ever been with at that point. We kissed right after, in a moment of purity. 

I remember meeting all of your friends. You had so many. I met anyone and everyone from your mentors, to classmates, to boss, to coworkers, and best friend. You showed me around like a trophy. I felt both flattered and overwhelmed. Shortly after in a separate conversation you told me that you had never once felt that you could be yourself around any of those people. You told me you had to put up a front for them. You told me that if they knew the real you they wouldn’t like it. You went further than that and told me every issue with every single friend in your life. You told me all the small things they do that bother you. You told me they’re superficial and don’t care about real things that matter. 

I know I’m less qualified since you know them more, but they didn’t seem that way at all each interaction  I had with them they were kind and offered meaningful ideas to the conversations. They explored new concepts I had never even considered and never even mentioned material things. I couldn’t understand it. 

The only thing I truly thought to myself in that moment was that was a sad way to live. I am someone who has always had both quality and quantity friends. The people in my life accept me and love me for everything that I am. I didn’t feel pity but I felt something else just sad for you.

At a certain point things started to get weird. I remember the exact day. It was early on when I would hear changes in your voice. We went to get dinner and drinks when it happened. The slow seductive voice I heard when I first met you changed to a more casual average paced one. I couldn’t understand why I would hear it switch or almost hear you snap out of it many times. It was when you were caught off guard or paying less attention. Another thing I couldn’t understand is why you constantly brought up all the people that thought you would be flirting with them because of the way you speak. You told me that it was a curse because you weren’t trying to do so. You told me that that was just the way you talked and you couldn’t help it. 

Two months flew by when my birthday came around. It was still early on when we went out to dinner and you met all my friends to celebrate my birthday. Towards the end of the meal you begged me to let you pay for my meal. Before you told me that, my childhood best friend offered to pay for me as a gift, but seeing that you really wanted to pay and you were my girlfriend I let you pay. Later on, I found it that you actually didn’t have the money. You begged your friend until she gave you $50 so you could come to the dinner. Your friend who works three jobs and lives in a shitty apartment. 

The biggest surprise came when I met your brother. You told me so many crazy wild stories about him teaching you things no one should teach a kid like rolling a blunt and driving at 12. You told me how he laughs and tells everyone these stories because he just can’t believe it. You told me how close you two are and how he’d do anything for you. The conversation came up when I told you about my relationship with my sister. I told you how she is my rock and my biggest support as a navigate my life.

We were at an award ceremony you had for school when I went up to your brother after it ended. I went up to him and told him how much I heard about him. I told him I thought it was really sweet how close he was with you. He paused for 20 seconds before he spoke. He even arched his eyebrows inward leaving me to feel slightly uncomfortable. When he finally spoke he told me that he hadn’t really spoke much to her to be honest since he lived abroad most of her life away at boarding school. He told me he didn’t mean to make things weird but that my words left him quite confused.

There were so many things that weren’t adding up. Another thing may I add. You told me your family was so poor that you never had your own bed. You told me you often shared a room with three relatives at once. This came when my friends and I were making jokes about living in apartments or a trailer. You joined in the conversation almost competitively. How can you be poor if your brother that you don’t speak to is away at boarding school. I knew I was spiraling when I looked into it to. Class of 2017. Under the students there for scholarship did not include your brother. In fact, he earned the superlative for most likely to be a billionaire before 18.

I could be reading into it, but my friend also caught you wearing a $400 bag claiming that you had no idea the price. As more time passes, I realize that I don’t know you.

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know where you come from. You lied to me. Maybe you thought it would make me like you more or make my friends like you more, but you lied to me. Who really are you?