6 comments

Speculative Horror Suspense

Dear Man in the Blue House,

Hi! My name is Lilly from across the street. I don’t know you, but I see you walking your dog every morning. Actually, now I remember that I met you one time when your dog got out and my dad brought him back to you and you talked to my dad and let me pet the dog. It’s a very cute dog! Oh, and also one time my brother brought you a box when it came to our house, but it was yours and just went to the wrong place. Anyway, sorry this letter doesn’t have a stamp on it. I didn’t have one, and I’m at school when the mailman comes, so I can’t ask him for one. I know how to write most words - I’m really good at school and language arts is my favorite! I learned how to write a letter by my mom when I wrote a card to my grandma, but I don’t know where she keeps the stamps and I don’t remember how to send one. I didn’t want to ask my parents for a stamp because they would want to know why I was sending a letter to you and they might not let me. So I just put it in your mailbox while I was riding my bike. I hope the mailman doesn’t take it out because I hope you get it. I really want to talk to you and ask you a question about that lady. My room is upstairs, and sometimes I stay up past lights-out and watch all the cars on the freeway because they’re so far away and look like zooming lights, which are cool! But a couple days ago when I was looking at the cars, I saw your car pull up and you and that lady got out. I can see your house from my window so that’s how I saw you. You looked really happy and she looked really pretty. But when you were unlocking your front door, she turned around and looked at me and made a scary face! I did NOT like that face, and I was scared because I thought she might come to my house too, but she didn’t. I wanted to see when she left your house if she made another face at me, but I was too scared to look so I don’t know if she did. I haven’t seen her anymore. When I rode by your house to school and back, I heard your dog barking. I think he’s barking because you haven’t taken him on any walks this week. Or is it a girl dog? Anyway, my main question for you is this: did the pretty lady make the scary face at you too? You can put the answer in my mailbox, because my chore is to get the mail when I get back from school, so I’ll get it first before my mom. 

From Lilly


P.S. - I hope I don’t see that lady again. I don’t think she was very nice. Anyway, bye!


*****


Dear Man in the Blue House,

You never wrote back, but it’s ok. I’m not mad. I’m writing this at night with my flashlight on. If I turn on my regular light, my mom will know I’m awake. Just so you know, your dog is still barking. And also your lights are on. They’ve been on every night even when it’s late so you should turn them off because it saves electricity. Anyway, I thought the mailman might have taken my letter out since you didn’t write back, but then I checked yesterday and it was still there. Actually, you have a lot of mail in there. I dropped some when I was looking, but I put it back so don’t worry. I thought maybe you went on vacation, but your car is still in the driveway since that night with the lady, so I know you’re home. Anyway, I didn’t want to write my whole other letter again, so I’m writing this one to you because of these reasons. 1. Your dog is barking. 2. Your lights are on. And 3. You have a lot of mail in your mailbox and I don’t want you to miss my first letter, so that’s what this one is for. I wrote a number two on this envelope so you’d know there was another letter to read first.

From Lilly


P.S. - I almost forgot to say this! My brother’s name is A.J. and yesterday he drove me to school and was so excited because it was the first time our mom let him drive just the two of us by himself. She was scared for us to go alone, but my dad told her it was okay because my brother’s a good driver. When we went by your house, he said your grass was getting long. And I told him your dog was barking too. He said “weird” and I said “yeah.” But I didn’t tell him about my letter or the lady.


P.S. again - I keep thinking about that lady’s face. I don’t even think she was a real lady! She looked like one at first, but I think she was something else. Just an idea. Ok, bye!


*****


Dear Man in the Blue House,

I’m in my room looking out my window and guess what! There are police and an ambulance! The ambulance makes me worried, but my dad is over there so I think it’s ok. My dad called 911 because he knocked on your door and you didn’t answer. The reason he knocked is a whole story! This morning I told A.J. that I didn’t hear your dog barking when I rode my bike yesterday after school, and so I thought you were home. Then I told him I wrote you a letter, but I never got to tell him about the scary lady because as soon as I said that about the letter, he got weird and asked if you talked to me alone or ever asked me to come over to your house. I told him we’ve never talked except that one time, and then he told me not to write letters anymore. Later he told my parents and they made me sit down and asked me all the same questions A.J. did and I had to tell them all the same stuff I told him. They also found out I was staying up past my bedtime, but they weren’t too mad so that’s good. I said I started writing letters after I saw the scary lady, but I don’t think they heard that part. My mom said she hadn’t seen you walk your dog either, so she told my dad and brother to go knock on your door to check on you. They did, but you didn’t answer, and that’s when my dad called the police! My mom wouldn’t let me go over with my dad. She told me to go to bed but said she was proud of me and my brother for telling them, but I don’t know why she was proud of A.J. All he did was tell on me! Anyway, I’m watching my dad outside your house and one of the police just came out and is talking to him. I hope you come out soon too so I can ask you about the lady’s face and see your dog again! 

From Lilly


P.S. - Your lights are still on by the way. I know because I can see a few police officers through your windows looking around, and one of them’s a lady cop. She’s on your roof. I think she sees me. 


P.S. Part 2 - Oh, when you get this, it’s letter three. Bye!

August 22, 2023 17:26

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6 comments

05:44 Aug 31, 2023

Interesting point of view this story is told in. Unique plot with a lot of tension waiting to see what's going to happen. And fun to read the thoughts of a child trying to understand what's happening across the street when we the reader already know. For the critique circle feedback, I think maybe having the scary lady see the child narrator could have made it ever more frightening. Always an idea to pull the narrator into the story somehow instead of just observing.

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Brittany Butler
16:22 Aug 31, 2023

Scott - glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for your insight! I wanted to try and keep it subtle, but I might have been too subtle in parts. I definitely could have tweaked a few things to up the fright factor!

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Rama Shaar
21:59 Aug 30, 2023

I must admit I'm rarely freaked out by fiction but this scared me SO much. The pretty lady with the scary face caught me completely off guard. You did a great job capturing the voice of an innocent child and building the suspense (and terrifying your readers). Well done!

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Brittany Butler
16:11 Aug 31, 2023

Rama, thank you so much! What a sweet comment. Hopefully it didn't scare you *too* much, hehe. But I'm so glad you enjoyed it and that it was effective!

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Abigail Romick
19:18 Aug 28, 2023

Hey Brittany, I loved the way you built the suspense on this story. Each detail, from the dog barking to the overgrown lawn, added to the sense of unease. Coupling that with the narrator being a mostly oblivious little girl only made it all the more intriguing. Great story!

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Brittany Butler
16:36 Aug 29, 2023

Aw, thank you, Abigail! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, and I'm happy to hear the details did what I'd hoped they would. Sometimes it's hard to know how those little things will come across in the final product, so I'm glad they worked for you.

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