12_29_contest_entry

New Year’s resolutions:

1) Fix up the house and make it homier. Yellow paint would really brighten up the kitchen. Patch up the holes in the drywall. The bedroom door needs to be replaced, the hinges aren’t any good anymore either. Have the smashed furniture hauled away and keep an eye open for good used replacements. Replace all the locks and make sure there are no spare keys anywhere. Deadbolt locks are resistant to forced entry. The French doors by the master bedroom are a problem, add a reinforcement bar and security film. Install a home security system, one with remote monitoring would be best.

2) Get another dog. This time it has to be a big, strong, sturdy breed, not a yorkie with the heart of a lion (RIP Mimi). Malinois seem pretty popular but sound kind of intense. It sounds like they might eat the new furniture, so keep that in mind while pricing out new things. Cane corso, dobermans, and rottweilers might be good options too. There’s lots of pit-bulls and shepherds at the local pound, but for this situation it’s probably better to start with one that’s already trained. I don’t want to end up with one that’s all bark and no bite if something bad happens again. Make sure to select a reputable working kennel with health testing and a good schutzhund training program. Use some vacation days to go to workshops to make sure you know how to handle the dog correctly. Make sure they know you need a serious dog and not just a family pet.

3) Exercise more. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Muay Thai kickboxing are advertised as good for self defense. Susan swears that Krav Maga is the best, but I don’t think there’s anywhere in town that teaches it. Kickboxing looks like it’ll double as a good cardio exercise. I’m not sure how useful the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu stuff will be at my size, but it’s worth trying out at least. Maybe take up jogging, but never go alone again. Either find a running partner or always take the new dog. If you do start jogging, make sure to do different routes in random order to make it harder to find you. Keep a list of the routes in a safe place just in case something happens during a run.

4) Learn a new skill. Take a concealed carry training class. They’re expensive, but required to get the license. It’s worth it anyway since I don’t know anything about guns, I don’t need more holes in the drywall just from not knowing what I’m doing with a handgun (or worse). Take the class before buying the gun to make sure it’s the right kind. 9mm and Glock 19 seem to be common choices in online discussions, but talk to an expert and try them out first if possible. Go to practice every weekend at the gun range. It seemed a little intimidating at first on that brief visit to check out the place, but everyone there seemed pretty friendly.

5) Consider dating again. Optional resolution, it would be nice to be with someone again, but it might still be too soon. Make sure that any potential dates understand that you want to take it slowly and casually. If any seem too pushy, dump them day 1 and don’t answer any of their calls or texts. Don’t get steamrolled again by trying to protect the feelings of some asshole who won’t give your needs a second thought. Be upfront that you’re only looking for a “Netflix and chill” level of commitment right now, and don’t let anyone manipulate you into anything else.

6) Set up an emergency plan b. Set up daily calls with friends after getting home from work. Have an innocuous sounding safe word to let the caller know if there’s someone there during the call without alerting him. If they hear the safe word or if I don’t answer, have them call for help right away. Susan knows how serious this is, so she’s probably a good one to ask. Theresa is kind of a flake and might forget to call. Set up a GPS tracker that she can access of anything really bad happens. Have one installed on the phone, but also get AirTags for the car, dog, and somewhere on myself in case he makes me leave my phone.

7) Change social media habits. Switch all my profiles to private. Don’t post anything important in groups that he might be able to find his way into. Go through contacts and follows, and get rid of everyone but family and close friends. If anyone is connected to him, delete them just in case. Make sure to stop updating locations or plans on where I’ll be. Only let people tag me in photos after I get back, if at all. Make sure to not accept any new friend requests until all of this is over. Even if it looks legit, it could be a fake account that he’s using to try and get more information to use as a weapon. Don’t post anything online that you wouldn’t be afraid for him to know.

8) Start therapy. Find a professional who specializes in this kind of thing. It’s too early to let your guard down, but also you don’t want paranoia and PTSD to cause even more problems going forward. It might help for understanding how everything went so wrong too. It would help to know what warning signs to look for and that kind of thing for future relationships.

9) Apply for a restraining order. ONLY DO THIS AFTER ALL OTHER RESOLUTIONS!!! It might set him off again, so make sure everything is secure and defendable first. At the end of the day it’s just a piece of paper, and won’t stop him if he really loses it again. Call the cops every time he ignores it. Don’t let him get away with anything. Don’t back down if he calls all weepy and threatening to hurt himself. He’s a liar and just want to use you to get his own way.

10) Make this year a great new start. After everything horrible that’s happened, make sure this year is the start of a new, better chapter in your life. Don’t live in fear or let anyone push you around anymore. You’ve already made the 1^st step of breaking away, so keep putting one foot in front of the other until you’ve made it to the life you deserve.