If It's in The Stars...

Underneath the stars, on her patio, is where Gabby sits each night drinking Chamomile tea, journaling and watching tarot YouTube videos, related to matters of love before she turns in for bed. She does these things simultaneously. Gabby looks out into the night sky that is filled with stars. She thinks about the stars and the night sky's beautiful infinite correlation. She thinks about the night sky and its loyalty to the stars and vice versus. Gabby smiles, when she thinks about how the night sky shows itself each night and acts a backdrop for the stars to shine and light up the night for all the world to see. They are both independent of one another, but together they create an undeniable wholeness. Gabby ponders, "When will I have such universal alignment in love with a person like the stars and the night sky?"

"If it's in the stars"...she quietly says aloud to herself looking up at the stars.

Gabby allows her mind to wander aimlessly on all the ways she wants to experience love just as the night sky and the stars. Her thinking shifts when a certain someone comes to mind who she believes she could have that exact connection with. Alas, she said she wouldn't do again. She told herself she couldn't be with a woman again. Gabby spent six years in a relationship with a woman with whom she believes is responsible for her very knowing of love up against another person's being. However, in that relationship there were conditions and circumstances that interfered with the chances of an infinite correlation.

But, if it's in the stars...

Gabby being with another woman is inevitably beyond any control of her own. It then becomes a divine matter of a Universal pairing. In the midst of entertaining the endless possibilities of a relationship happening between her and another woman, her thoughts are interrupted by the YouTube tarot reader, who she has forgotten she was listening to. The tarot reader inserts "you've got a two of cups here Taurus, this could be a Scorpio you are dealing with.

Gem-Something prized especially for great beauty or perfection. Gem is her name; she is a Scorpio. Gabby is a Taurus. Gabby knows all too well of the connection between a Scorpio and a Taurus. They are polar opposites in astrology. The zodiac wheel has 360 degrees and polar opposites counter one another at 180 degrees. Astrologers often say that when they meet it is a relationship of two halves for the reunion of a whole. One is the element of water and the other being the element of earth. Earth could not survive without water and water would have no purpose for existing if it was not for earth. Opposites signs are couples that are perfectly balanced. Each person brings qualities to the relationship that the other one does not have. The relationship could be a harmonious, uninterrupted euphoria, but highs in a unique pairing like this one could be offset by extreme lows. A mere disagreement can send this union spinning on a downward spiral that they may or may not recover from. There is hardly any margin for error. Their relationship is one of a cosmic coupling that has a push and pull effect. They are intrinsically different but inherently the same. And Gabby and Gem's relationship was just that.

Sighs...if it's in the stars...

Gabby and Gem met under normal but very unique circumstances. They met through a mutual friend who had a birthday get together at local hookah bar. Neither of them wanted to disappoint the friend, but they were both unsure about being in attendance the night of this event.

But, if it's in the stars...

In this event Gabby arrived earlier than Gem. There were about 10 or 15 people in attendance. Some smoking hookah, some sharing laughs, some on their phones and some drinking. Gem walks in carrying a portable classic Jenga Hasbro game. Gabby thought this to be simplistically beautiful, because Gem effortlessly brought everyone together with the mere insertion of blocks. It had a childish carefree element that Gabby greatly appreciated. When everything settled and whined the two of them got a chance to exchange in conversation, they briefly spoke about astrology, where they were from and Gem having a son whose name is Gabriel, the boy version of Gabriella, which is Gabby's real name.

Really? If it's in the stars...

Gabby concluded from the information exchanged between the two of them, they were in fact, soulmates. Gem ironically agreed. They mainly spoke via social media in the genesis of their friendship. They exchanged sharing memes, liking pictures & stories and leaving each other encouraging comments. Gabby sometimes harmlessly flirted with Gem. They decided from the habitual cyber exchanges that they liked each other enough to hang out together in person. Each time they saw one another they were always smiling revealing and concealing a truth all in the same smile. They begin to go to art shows together. They ate from different food spots together. They shopped for plants together. They frequented malls together. They went to concerts together. They watched movies together. They had petty fights that were resolved with talks. Gabby sometimes slept at Gem's apartment. They worked out together, followed by meditative moments where they shared each other's peace. They did not need each other for anything but they offered each other everything. They gave each other minor valuable advice that improved their inner being and living environments. Granted, they spent all of this time together, they never discussed having anything beyond friendship. Gem was privy to Gabby's previous relationship with a woman in her past and made it very clear that she wanted nothing in that capacity. Gabby understood and respectively yielded the boundary. She was honestly offended by the idea that Gem believed she would make an advance on her simply because she had been with a woman in the past. Nonetheless, they continued to spend time together. In this time they spent together, they would never admit to one another that this is something rare. It was something that they had longed for. It was something that they had manifested, but the Universe packaged the gift in way that they were not ready to receive. It felt like something that any two normal people would want in a romantic relationship, except they could not be. They were both women. Even if they wanted to entertain any idea of them having a relationship, insecurities would peak around the potential longevity of the relationship given its nature. They were both unspeakably indecisive. They felt new emotions that they would not give words to and this very fact would sometimes cause them to clash. All and all, they still haphazardly occupied each other's space.

What could they do? If it's in the stars...

They both briefly spoke of having a background of abandonment that lead to various communications issues in their friendship. When Gem felt overly stimulated, hurt or too many emotions, she would cut all communication and withdraw completely, sometimes without warning. She believed that self care is excusable for any acts of abandonment of those who loved and care for her. How could anyone find fault in self care?

Gabby on the other hand due to her background of abandonment is deeply saddened by withdrawal without communication. When she is upset she prefers direct effective communication. She believes if you have connected with someone on a deep meaningful level, regardless if they are friend, family or lover, they at least owe it to one to communicate even if it's to say they are going away.

Gem hasn't spoken to Gabby in a month. Frankly, Gabby has never experienced anyone as peculiar as Gem. It is both intriguing and a nuisance to Gabby. She has thought a Gem daily, the whole time she has been away. She ponders if she has somehow contributed to her silent withdrawal. Gabby does not like to make to things personal for she understands that people sometimes have themselves to deal with.

Fuck!! But if it's in the stars...

Why the constant need for separation? Why are we affected by full-moons, Saturn and Mercury retrogrades, universal shifts, oceanic emotional rifts and empty withdrawals that makes Gabby feel like she has been pushed off the tip top of Mount Everest iciest cliff? How do you start climbing back up from zero with a frost bitten mouth, toes and fingers? You can't! IMPOSSIBLE!! "I am frozen now," Gabby thinks. I am stuck! Uncertainty makes her feel emotionally unstable. Favorably, she knows all too well that this uncertainty and instability means that this is time where she must rely on her emotional resilience. So, she surrenders and release her need to know and control. She is now simply allowing things to be what they are.

Patience. If it's in the stars...

The YouTube tarot reader says "Taurus this is a divine union that you nor your person can run away from. This connection was divinely ordered, so that means it happens in divine time. Your messages are, be patient." While receiving the final messages from the tarot reader a text message comes through, it reads "Hey Gabby, would you like to meet up/go for a run today or tomorrow?" It is Gem. Gabby toys with the idea of not responding at all, but doesn't want her emotions to drive her into pettiness. She responds in logic. For the sake of her dignity she replies with, "sure we can tentatively plan for Friday, as I have a few projects I need to finish." This is partially true but she does not want to reek of an eagerness to be back in Gem's company. It is not her style.

Gabby gets up from the ottoman she is sitting on and walks over to the railing of her patio and looks directly and intentionally at the stars and the night, she utters a whisper "if it's in the stars...."