Love and Despair

She was conflicted. She wanted to go in his room with him, but she was afraid. She knew if she stepped through that hotel room door she was going to give in to her desires. She knew a line would be crossed. In so many ways she wanted to cross that line, but she kept thinking of her family. So conflicted. The alcohol wasn't helping. Her mind wasn't clear. She had to make a move soon. It was beginning to get awkward standing there in the doorway, the both of them just staring at each other. He had moved to the side to allow her to come in, as if motioning with his body what he wanted her to do. 

God, he was so good looking and charming. That look in his eye, he made her feel like she had never felt before. She had played out this scene or a variation of it in her head so many times, and now it was real. It was happening. Shit. Oh, God. What the fuck? She just kept thinking she needed a little nudge to take a step. Her feet felt like they were stuck in concrete. Her heart was racing. And then she thought oh, god...what if someone saw her standing in his hotel room doorway. More pressure to make a decision. He reached his hand out towards her, the whole time his eyes were locked on hers. The heat between the two of them was undeniable. She slowly extended her hand towards his, her eyes never leaving his. Once her hand was in his, he gently pulled her inside the room and shut the door. 

Oh god, what now. Her mouth was dry. She couldn't say anything. What was there to say? They had flirted for so long always making innuendos, but this was the first time they had ever been alone - like this. This was real. Her face was flushed. She needed a drink. Water, beer, vodka...she didn't care at that point. Just something to take the dryness in her mouth away. He grabbed a couple of bottles of beer from the mini fridge. She took a huge swig of hers. As she went to set the bottle on the desk, he wrapped his arm around her lower back and pulled her to him. Their eyes were once again locked in an intense gaze. Her heart was beating so fast in anticipation of what was coming next. He leaned down towards her and their lips touched for the first time. It was a gentle kiss. She could feel her body loosening up. She was giving in to him and to her own desires. He kissed her again and this time it was full of passion from him and from her. All those years of flirting and pent up desire were set free. And now she wanted him. She felt the warmth all through her body. They couldn't get enough of each other fast enough. It was so quiet in the room with the exception of their breathing. She could feel his heart racing too. He pulled back from their embrace and took her hand in his, leading her to the bed. She had to suppress the slight gasp trying to escape her mouth, again wondering if she could go through with this. As she sat down on the bed, he finished untucking and unbuttoning his shirt. All she could do was watch, never looking him in the eye at this point. She watched his fingers working on each button. He was now bare chested, in front of her. He was so easy on the eyes. She was taking it all in...his shoulders, his chest, and down to his unbuttoned slacks. She wanted to run her fingers over his chest and shoulders. But once again she was paralyzed...she couldn't move. 

She awoke the next morning to the sound of a text on her phone. It took her a minute to process the events of the night before. She felt a little bit hungover, but more than that she felt off. What the hell happened last night? Did it really happen or was she just confused? She reached for her phone to see who had texted her. It was Amelia asking about how her night was. Amelia knew Kelly struggled when traveling and staying alone. Oh god, Kelly didn't know what to say. Um...yeah, my night was okay…just the normal dinner and a couple of drinks with co-workers. No big deal really. That was so fucking far from the truth. But she couldn't respond any other way. Not through a text. And then it dawned on her, what time was it? She had meetings with the co-workers at the new company that day...she couldn't be late. They had all agreed to head over to the restaurant around 8:15 am. It was 7:30 am. She had 45 minutes to get ready. But wait, where was he? Had he gone downstairs already? Then she heard the shower turn on. 

As she stepped through the door to her hotel room, she felt relief. She was thankful that she had not run into any of her co-workers that morning. How awkward would that have been? But then a heaviness fell upon her. What had she done? She had slept with another man, her fantasy...the man she had secretly fallen in love with. The connection Kelly had with Zach was not like any she had ever experienced. And it happened so naturally, starting as co-workers, then him becoming her boss, and finally to the two of them running the business together. But now it was no longer an emotional affair...it was real. What if her husband found out? And Zach’s wife? And the kids? She had betrayed her family. Ugh, the guilt. How was she going to live with herself? Her former therapist always said it would be a bad idea for her to have an affair because of how hard she was on herself. Fortunately, she had to focus on getting ready at the moment as she only had about a half hour to get ready and be downstairs to ride with the others to the restaurant. 

It was definitely going to be an interesting day seeing him and working with him after what happened the night before. Kelly was having trouble focusing. She had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t shake the the thought that she had forever changed her life and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it now. How could she feel so fulfilled from the night before, yet so sinful at the same time? 

Oh Zach, what the hell have we done?