Folded Hearts

I always thought love was a spark—something small, fleeting, and magical. But I was wrong. It’s a wildfire, consuming everything in its path and leaving nothing but ashes behind. My messy room looks like the aftermath of that blaze. Scattered blue hearts, each meticulously folded, now torn to pieces, litter the floor. A complete waste of paper and effort—all for him. Ugh, even his name triggers a tempest of emotions swirling inside my mind. So many emotions, I can’t pick and choose.

Ding! 

My phone lights up, the Starry Night backdrop reflecting off the cracked screen. Jace Madden. Of course. Once, I called him the Ace of Hearts when I gushed about him to my friends. Now, he’s the Joker—charming, handsome, and impossible to trust. Those turquoise eyes of his had ruined me the moment they met mine.

I unlocked my phone, and his message lit up my screen: 'Hola, Evarose.'

I stared at it, my stomach twisting in ways I hated. I texted back, “Bonjour, Jace.”, even though I already knew he’d leave me on read again.

I sighed. I wish I had no expectations, so I wouln’t feel so empty in my chest. Get a grip on yourself, girl! He always took his time leaving me on read, then, rarely, if he actually feels like it, proceeds to send a reply a full day afterwards. Why though, when it was literally always him trying to initiate the convos? Yeah, I know, big red flag. But after considering the plane incident, where he was sitting beside me for the entire 3 hour dead silent plane ride to Texas, I know I’m not prioritzed. Especially when I saw him constantly checking his phone for Snapchat messages from a specific girl I do not want to think about. I scream silently into my nearest pillow, and already I feel hot tears cascading down my cheeks. Why am I so stupid? 

“Rose!”

I snap out of my spiraling thoughts.

“We’re late for track practice!” Elara’s voice carries through the door, sharp enough to cut through my haze.

“I’m coming!” I call back, though my tone lacks any urgency. My headache throbs as I grab my track uniform, socks, and visor, slipping them on with all the enthusiasm of a zombie. Maybe running will burn this frustration out of me.

By the time we piled into the car, Elara was buzzing with energy beside me, oblivious to my bad mood. The ride felt both too short and too long, with her singing off-key my Mom’s Spotify playlist the entire time.

As soon as I stepped onto the track, the blinding morning sun hit me, and I regretted not grabbing my sunglasses. I barely had time to adjust before a familiar voice pierced the air.

“Oh my gosh, it’s Evarose!” Lily squeals, hugging me. 

I intake a sharp breath, before muscle memory kicks in and my lips form a weak smile. Great. Just the girl I wanted to see. Bubbly, pretty, smart, athletic. Everybody on the team knows her and likes her. She’s everything I want to be. I get what Jace sees in her. But for some reason, I just really want to be like her.

“Hi, Lily.”

“Could you come with me to put down my stuff? I don’t know where everyone put their stuff, and it’ll be so awkward.”

“Of course,” I mustered, and walk with her to the bleachers. I can’t really think of what to say so there’s just silence. 

Elara skips past me, before dropping down to fix her shoelaces. She turns around and grins at me before running away. I frown, only to notice she was wearing my favorite shorts. No wonder I couldn’t find them.

“Is that your sister?” Lily pipes, and I’m barely able to nod before she continues. “She’s so cute!”

One thing about Lily is she’s so energetic, even when it’s at early in the morning. She’s also always smiling, which is quite eerie to me. How can you be so happy every single day? But I guess that’s why people like her so much. 

“Thank you.” I smiled. I can’t help it, her smile is infectious.

We line up at the track lanes, and await Coach’s instructions. 

Coach Kelly whistles for our attention. “Today’s practice will start out with a warm up. Then conditioning. Afterwards we’ll have event-specific training and cooldown. Alright, get ready, team!” She also seems to have immense energy for the mornings. I though, feel so dead after tossing and turning, and over thinking the whole night. It’s my fault, I guess.

I started with high knees, butt kicks, leg swings, arm circles, and lunges to loosen up my muscles. But while stretching my quads, I couldn’t help overhearing the conversation Lily and Lara were having nearby.

“I fumbled, Lara. So, so bad,” Lily groaned, dragging her hands down her face dramatically.

Lara tilted her head, raising an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? What happened this time?”

I inched closer, pretending to focus on my stretch.

“Girl, he sent me these TikTok videos saying they reminded him of me—” Lily hesitated, glancing around.

Lara smirked. “I wonder why.”

Lily leaned closer, her voice dropping. “And then he said he likes me.”

Lara gasped, her eyes lighting up. “I knew it!”

Lily groaned again. “But then—ugh—I lied about not liking him back!”

“WHAT?” Lara nearly shouted, her jaw dropping.

“And now,” Lily sighed, shaking her head, “he probably thinks I’m playing games or something. But he was my man already—a long time ago.”

That last sentence stilled me. My fists clenched so tightly my nails dug into my palms. I bit the inside of my mouth, willing myself to stay quiet. She was talking about Jace. Her Jace. She played with him like that? Even when he liked her so much? I felt a pulsing ache inside my chest.

I met Jace 3 years ago at my first volleyball practice. He was sweet at first, thoughtful. He would tease me and my sister. He would also teach me the different types of serves, tosses, and the power of hitting the ball at the right time. I fell in love with him right then and there. But I guess fate just wasn’t on my side. Last summer, after the incident where someone decided to file a case against him that he was assaulting me, he came back completely changed. Jace had let his hair grew out, got ear piercings, and he grew taller, his voice deeper. His demeanor towards me changed entirely too. He started ignoring me. He’d rarely talk to me and then go back to acting like I was invisible. I thought it had something to do with me. Or, I had known that in my heart, I was just being delirious. Then, he started commenting on my posts from months ago and messaging me and then ghosting me. What in the world was wrong between us? I thought of him as a friend, and then over time, more, but something broke between us. 

“Get ready for conditioning!” Coach Kelly’s distant voice snaps me out of my silly thoughts.

Conditioning felt like a slow, painful death. Laps, sprints, and lunges all blurred together while Coach Kelly shouted things like 'Push harder!' and 'No walking!' as if we weren’t already dying. My legs burned, my lungs ached, and by the end of it, I was convinced my body was held together purely by spite.

Panting, I slow down to a halt, glad that practice is over. Just as I thought I might collapse right there on the track, I caught sight of him. Jace Madden. The one person that ignites back the flame in my stomach and makes me breathless again strolls past the fence. Seeing him makes my knees wobble even more intensely. He somehow feels my gaze though, because he turns around, and stares right back at me. And he forms the loveliest smile that I haven’t saw in so long. He runs into the track field. I don’t know what to do. Out of the corner of my eye though, I see that Lily is right behind me. Oh. The smile wasn’t meant for me. He’s here for her.

His smile wasn’t mine to keep—it never had been. As they laughed together, my chest hollowed out, leaving only a raw ache where hope used to be. I clenched my fists, willing myself to look away, but I couldn’t. I knew he’d never be mine. I knew it the moment he smiled at her the way I’d always wished he’d smile at me. But no matter how much it hurt, I couldn’t stop wishing, couldn’t stop waiting, couldn’t stop loving him. And maybe, that was the saddest part of all. Before anyone could see the tears threatening to spill, I bolted for the locker room, where the silence swallowed my sobs. 

“Evarose!” Ginger spots me curled up on the floor. “What’s wrong?”

I pretend to yawn. “Tired. Just had track practice.”

“Damn. You need a break.” 

I chuckle. “For sure.” I check my watch. 3 minutes until practice starts.  “Let’s head out, or else Coach will make us both do push-ups.”

The bright light of the gym pierces my eyes. The sound of chatter and my teammates warming up buzz in my ears. It gives me joy standing on the field. I love volleyball. And I wish I could fully push myself in practice. But after track, I felt weaker than everyone else and I hated it. After I convinced Mom that I could handle both track and volleyball, and that track would definitely help me with volleyball, I certainly regret it. My energy levels are at an all-time low. 

Coach Rian clears his throat and it’s dead silent. No one messes with Coach Rian the “Ruthless”. If we misbehave or miss a shot, it’s pushups or laps. That’s why nobody’s ever late. 

“We’re having a co-ed scrimmage,” Coach Rian’s voice cuts through the chatter, sharp as a whistle. “Red team: Tristan, Hazel, Ana, Kate, Nick, Rachel, Jace, Yoli. Blue team: Marie, Layla, Liam, Quint, Evarose, Finn, Dan, Ginger.”

We shuffled into our groups, but before I could even process it, Coach’s voice barked again, “Pair up with someone from the opposite team for rotations. Jace, no, not Liam. Go with Evarose. Liam, you’re with Ginger.”

My stomach twisted. Out of everyone here, it had to be him. 

Jace sauntered over, spinning the volleyball in his hands like it was no big deal, effortlessly casual. “Guess it’s you and me,” he said, tossing the ball toward me. His smirk was infuriating, as usual.

I forced a tight smile, as his striking eyes flicked to mine.

“Yeah, sure,” I muttered, catching the ball and immediately regretting how my voice sounded—breathy, like I was holding my breath.

Meanwhile, Liam jogged over to Ginger with a friendly grin, his blond hair sticking up from the warm-ups. “Ready to crush it?” he asked her, his tone easygoing. She laughed, nudging his arm, and for a second, I envied how effortless his energy was.

The scrimmage began, and it was chaos. Jace was sharp and fast, dominating the net, while I scrambled to keep up. Every pass, every spike, every shouted call between us felt like a tug-of-war. He made it all look easy, while I felt like I was barely holding it together.

Meanwhile, Liam caught my attention more than once—diving for impossible saves, laughing off his misses, and hyping up his teammates.

“Nice one, Liam!” Ginger called after he blocked a particularly hard spike. His soft brown eyes lit up as he shot her a thumbs-up, brushing some grime off his arms.

“Focus, Evarose!” Jace’s voice snapped me back to reality as the ball sailed toward us. I barely managed to dig it, sending the pass spiraling too close to the net. Jace stepped in and saved it, smacking the ball over the net for a perfect kill.

“Good save,” he said over his shoulder, his smirk making my heart twist in ways I hated.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, focusing on the court and ignoring the ache in my chest. His compliments always felt like salt in a wound—kind, but not meant the way I wanted them to be.

“Nice dig, Evarose!” Liam called after I managed to save a tricky spike. His grin was warm, and for the first time that day, I felt seen.

By the time Coach blew the whistle, I was dripping sweat and barely standing. Jace offered me a high five, his usual grin in place. I hesitated for a moment too long before taking it. It felt too familiar. Like nothing ever changed from before summer.

By the time Coach blew the whistle, my legs were jelly, and my arms felt like lead. Jace jogged over, holding out a hand for a high five, his grin as casual as ever. For a moment, I hesitated. Then, with a deep breath, I slapped his hand and turned to grab my water bottle.

Later, by the bleachers, I found him alone. Before I could stop myself, the words spilled out. “Why do you keep pulling me in just to push me away?”

He looked stunned, then guilty, but I didn’t wait for an answer. 

“Forget it,” I said, cutting him off. “I don’t need someone that treats me the way they feel like. I deserve better.” And for the first time in months, I believed it. I turn away, feeling the burn in my legs, the ache in my chest, but also something else—pride.

Suddenly though, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I spin around, and there he was—Jace, his his turquoise eyes unusually soft.

“Evarose, wait,” he said, his voice quiet but firm.

For a second, the world seemed to stop. 

“Speak frankly.” I said in a dull voice even though my heart was sore from the torture of waiting on what he wanted to say.

“I should have talked to you,” Jace admitted, running a hand through his hair. “I was just lost. My dad had passed, my family was falling apart, and... I didn’t know how to handle anything.”

His words were heavy with sincerity, and despite everything, I felt a pang of sympathy. 

“Why didn’t you just talk to me?” I asked, my voice sharper than I intended.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I should have. I was lost. My dad had just passed, and everything felt like it was falling apart. I’m sorry, Evarose. I didn’t know how to handle any of it.”

His words hung in the air, heavy with sincerity. And despite everything, I sympathized with him.

“I’m sorry,” I softened my tone. 

“No, it’s not your fault.” He sighed. “But back to my point. I’m sorry that I took things the wrong way, and pushed you aside. Do you think that maybe… we could restart?”

I bit my lower lip. I’m going to regret this. “What about your so called ‘cousin’?”

He blinked. “Oh. Lily?”

I nodded. “Everybody knows she isn’t your cousin.”

“Honestly... I don’t know,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I need to figure things out.”

I realized I wasn’t angry anymore—not at Jace, not at Lily, not at myself. I was finally free. I smiled back at Jace, my chest lighter than it had been in years. "Sure, Jace. We can restart as friends. But promise me something—don’t waste your shot with her. Lily’s a lovely girl.”

He blinked in surprise, then nodded, his turquoise eyes unusually soft. “I won’t. Thank you, Evarose.”

And with that, I turned to pack my things, a strange sense of peace settling over me. For the first time in months, I felt free—no lingering expectations, no aching hope. Just... me. As I slung my bag over my shoulder and turned toward the exit, I collided with someone. Hard.

“Whoa, you good?” a warm voice asked. I looked up into honey-brown eyes, framed by messy blond hair. Liam. His grin was easy, charming—like sunlight breaking through clouds.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice steady for the first time all day. “Thanks.”

Maybe this wasn’t the end of the story. Maybe it was just the beginning. As I was waiting for my ride, I fish out a pack of sticky notes. I tear one out and begin folding it, muscle memory taking over. A heart, for myself.