Love Lost and Found

It was a sunny morning. The winter thaw had finally ended, and spring and summer were pushing their way into the city.  As I flung open the heavy door of the entrance to my apartment complex, I immediately shielded my eyes from the bright light of the sun. I stepped out onto the busy sidewalk and rummaged through my purse, attempting to find some sunglasses. “Shoot!” I said aloud. I had left one of only two pairs of sunglasses I owned in my apartment on the kitchen counter. Knowing I had a 10-minute walk to work ahead of me and how bright the sun currently was, I decided it was best to go back up and get them. I had left earlier than usual today too, so I had a bit of extra time.

I lugged the big entrance door back open and walked back into the massive lobby. I had lived in this building for about two years now. I had moved here right after college when I got a job as a journalist for a local magazine company. I mostly wrote articles about the art scene, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I basically got to go to all the latest shows, exhibits, galleries, and openings in the city and then write about them. It was the perfect gig for me. My heeled boots clacked against the black and white checkered tile floor as I made my way across the lobby to the elevators. I passed the front desk and noticed there were a few packages sitting on top of it. I took a quick detour over to it and scanned the names on the packages. Nothing for me. I headed back in the right direction and made it to the large gold doors of the elevators just as one of them was sliding open. “Hold the door!” I shouted, jogging the last few steps over. I hadn’t planned to yell that loudly and the sound echoed through the open lobby. “Thanks. Sorry about that.” I muttered to the stranger who had kindly held the door for me. He didn’t reply and simply looked back down at his phone with an irritated scoff. I punched my floor number, 8, and watched the numbers on the display go up.

After what felt like forever, the doors finally opened on floor 8. I scurried out not wanting to feel the irritation radiating off the man in the elevator for a minute more. I walked quickly down the hall to my door and put the key in the lock. The door opened with ease, and I pushed my way in and headed straight for the kitchen. The door gaped open, and the keys hung still in the lock. I got over the kitchen counter and spotted my sunglasses right away. “There you are!” I exclaimed. I threw them on my head and scooped up my bag and travel mug of coffee and headed toward the door. “Here I am!” I heard from the hallway. I stopped in my tracks. In my hurry I hadn’t realized that I left the door hanging open and there was now someone in the hallway right outside of it. “Um, hello?” the voice said. “I think you left your keys in the door. You want to be more careful, who knows who might’ve taken them.” The voice sounded like it was coming from a man. It sounded weirdly…familiar. But I couldn’t figure out why. I quickly brushed away the thought and continued moving toward my open door. “Oh my gosh! I was in such a hurry I didn’t even realize…I stopped my explanation mid-sentence. I was now at the doorway and was not prepared for what, or rather who I saw. Looking back at me from the other side of the doorway was none other than Carter Shaw, someone that felt like a ghost, someone I thought I had lost forever, and someone I did not think I’d ever see again.

The smile on his face dropped as he saw me, and we came to the same conclusion of who the other was. “Quinn?” He asked. His face went blank. My body went rigid. I was so shocked I couldn’t say anything or do anything. Carter Shaw was the love of my life. I hadn’t seen him or heard anything about him in nine years. Memories of my past came flooding back all at once and I thought I might burst out crying, throw up, or both. I wasn’t sure which would happen first. I had spent so much time putting Carter out of my mind and I felt like I had closed that chapter of my life shut tightly, never to be opened again. Yet, here he was, making it feel like the healed wound was being torn open again even after years of scarring. I had imagined seeing him again for a while after our last encounter. I had wondered what it would feel like. No matter how much I had played it out in my head so long ago, I could not have prepared myself for how I was feeling in this moment.

Finally, my mind and my body reconnected after what felt like an eternity of staring blankly at each other. “Carter?” I managed to squeak out. “Oh my god. It’s been what, 10 years? I honestly never thought I’d see you again.” He said, now looking down at his feet. “Yeah.” I trailed off, unsure of what to say next. “What are you doing here? I asked. I didn’t mean for it to come across so rudely, but of course it did. First elevator guy and now Carter. I really had to start watching how I said things. “Um, I mean, do you live here?” I offered. He scratched his jaw which now had a well-groomed beard on it. He looked so different, yet, still the same as he always had. Carter was tall but not in a lanky way like he used to be. He now had broad shoulders and muscles that filled out his shirt and stretched the seams of it just a bit. His dark hair used to be long and shaggy but was now shorter and perfectly styled. He looked like a man now rather than the boy I used to know. This had to be a bizarre dream.

“Yeah, I do.” He said. “Just moved here a couple months ago.” He lived here. I had no idea what to think. My mind was a mess of thoughts and emotions. Carter Shaw, a person who I never thought I’d see again, lived in the same building as me. He looked just as uncomfortable and lost as I felt. “So, this is kind of crazy right?” He said and gave a half-hearted chuckle. “It is definitely not how I imagined my morning going.” I said. “Yeah, me neither." He paused. "I should get going though, I'm already late for work. Would you want to grab a coffee later? Maybe we can talk more?” He offered. “Um, sure.” I wasn’t sure. Far from it. But I figured this was the quickest way to end this moment. I could decide later if I was going to meet him for coffee or not. “Okay, cool. We could meet in the lobby around seven if you’re free?” He asked. I nodded. We stood there for a second more, eyes locked. Then he broke the trance and shook his head. “Bye Quinn.” He said, the corners of his mouth perking up just slightly. Then he turned and walked down the hall toward the elevators. As soon as he rounded the corner, I quickly shut the door and slid down with my back to it until I was sitting on the floor. I hugged my knees in. I knew I would be late for work, but I had to make sure I let enough time pass so that I would miss Carter on the elevator. What had just happened? Carter Shaw was just at my door. My Carter. Not my Carter anymore. The nine years of time between the last time I saw him and now seemed to vanish, and I immediately felt like I was 18 again. Was I going to meet Carter Shaw tonight? I wasn’t sure. But if I did meet him to talk, I might need something stronger than coffee.