GREEN

TW: THIS STORY CONTAINS THEMES OF ABUSE, MENTAL HEALTH, SUBSTANCES, DEATH, SUGGESTED SUICIDE

THE clock on the wall ticked obnoxiously, adding to the anxiety that already coursed through Kara. She had already been here, what, 45 minutes? She thought she would have been called back already.

The room she found herself nervous in was a light amazon green, and the windows had stained glass window clings on them that added a pop of rainbow into the room which with the anxiety headache Kara also had made her a bit nauseated.

She herself felt discolored next to all of this, in her beige and grey outfit, which she could agree was a little ugly. She didn’t get out much and honestly didn’t think of herself as a bold person. Matt said her preferred her in these colors, and since everything happened, she was trying to do all she could to make him notice her.

She didn’t even need to be here in the first place. She huffed as she thought to herself all the other more important things she could be doing.

Right as she decided she was going to get up and leave, the door to the right of her creaked open. A tall, lanky man came out. He had a crooked smile with yellow teeth and green squared glasses that he obviously had kept taping at the bridge to keep them together.

Kara eyed him up and down and was almost in disbelief.

“Hello, Kara.” He smiled even bigger and motioned for her to come into the room.

-

The room was also green, along with the couch she sat on. The walls in here were more of a jade and the couch a dark Forrest green. It then really came to her attention that most everything in the office was green, aside from the windows clings that decorated the sunlight in here too.

A dark green desk sat in front of her along with the interesting therapist. Behind him was a HUGE painting that was just a bunch of differently colored green circles that varied in different sizes. It seemed to cause her headache to dissipate and found the noises around her to fade away.

“-If that’s okay with you, of course.” The therapists voice finally coming into Kara’s awareness.

Kara scrunched her eyes tight and opened them back up to find him still smiling at her, waiting for an answer to the question.

“I am really sorry,” Kara chuckled nervously “I seemed to have trailed off somewhere in my mind. I have had this awful headache and I can-”

“Please, you don’t have to explain yourself.” The therapist said, still smiling at her. “Something about you reminds me of my daughter.”

“Anyways,” he shook his head and continued “I wanted to know if it’s okay if I record this session, for my supervisor that is. It’s not mandatory, but it’s helpful.”

Kara went back and forth for a second. She had never heard of a session being recorded, didn’t that violate HIPPA or something? She then shook her head and realized she was probably just being a bit paranoid.

“Uh, sure. Why not?” Kara said and smiled.

The therapist opened the laptop that sat in front of him, typed a few things, and moved it to the side.

“Now, what brings you in today?”

Kara’s eye shifted around the room as she tried to find the words to explain without having to get too deep. She had plans later, and didn’t want to be all puffy from crying if she talked about it too much.

“I, um, am currently dealing with some infidelity in my marriage that my husband has done. Well, I mean I guess it happened because of me, too.”

The therapist nodded and now instead of using his computer, he began writing something down with what looked to be a green pen.

“Go on.”

“Well, I am having a hard time coping and I agreed I would go to counseling. We have talked about couples counseling but I think this is sort of stupid to begin with, no offense. I don’t see how discussing what happened will help me move on or forget. Isn’t that the whole thing? Forgive, and most importantly not remember it so it’s not soul crushingly painful everyday? I don’t even know if I want to continue the marriage.”

Kara took herself aback with how much she had said. She hadn’t planned to say much at all but found it a bit therapeutic to say.

The therapist wrote a few more things down and looked back at Kara with the crooked smile, not saying anything.

-

AN hour went by of Kara talking and crying. The therapist not saying anything until he glanced at the clock behind Kara.

“Our time seems to be up. I feel like you did fantastic today!” He said enthusiastically.

He rummaged through some papers in a drawer and finally pulled out a small, green spiral notebook and set it on the desk.

“I am going to recommend you start journaling, at least once a day. Even if it’s just a sentence here and there.”

Kara leaned forward and picked the notebook up. “I really love the color green. This office brings me back to feelings I didn’t think I would ever feel again.”

Dr. Dorian looked at the clock again and decided he would delve a bit deeper before they went there separate ways. “What feelings are those?”

Kara looked down, her eyes tearing up a bit. “It’s after my session and I don’t have time to pay for another one this week.”

“Consider this a welcome gift.” Dr. Dorian offered.

After another hour, and plenty more tears shed, Kara thanked the doctor and walked back through the green infused lobby putting her glasses back on her face. The sun blinded her a bit still when she walked onto the side walk. Everything still had a bit of a green tint to it, and her headache felt immensely better.

-

A few months later, at the same time as the weeks before, she was sitting back in the green lobby listening to the same clock tick, tick, tick. She found her headaches to go away after the session with Dr. Dorian, her therapist. She assumed it was stress relief. Whatever it was, she wasn’t complaining.

She felt good, she felt like she was coming into her self. Even before the infidelity she also felt something was missing. She didn’t consider it could be a relationship with herself.

The relationship with her husband was the relationship she truly came here for, and it was also the one that did not seem to be coming into any kind of mending. In fact, her going to therapy seemed to make him angry. Perhaps insecure and jealous. She didn’t understand why because he was the one that asked about couples counseling.

Kara considered bringing it up to Dr. Dorian, to see if he could do some sessions with both of them. Part of her didn’t want to as well because she felt like this was the only place she found peace.

The door opened and it pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Hello, Kara.” Dr. Dorian greeted with that same crooked smile on his face.

-

KARA found herself only feeling calm at the office, the only place she didn’t have a constant headache. She found herself using more colors to decorate, the colors mostly being green, but colorful none the less.

“Oh, you’re still up?” Her husband, Matt, asked as he came through the front door.

Kara eyed him up and down, she knew he had been with her again. The one that he had been willing to destroy his marriage in the first place with.

She didn’t even care to respond to him, she simply picked up her green bound notebook and began writing away on the page.

He sheepishly walked passed her and into the kitchen. A few clanks and Kara knew he had opened what would be the first of many beers.

“Seriously, Matthew?” She said not looking up from the journal.

He popped his head around the corner of the door way to the kitchen and sat there for a minute.

“You know what?” He hissed, stumbling into the living room.

Kara now looking up from her journal raised her eyebrow at him, mildly curious of what he could have to possibly say.

“Ever since you have went to this therapist, you have gotten so weird. Like, you were weird before, but it’s gotten out of control.” The slight slur in his words and the spit flying off of his lips made Kara certain he had been drinking before this.

“I don’t think now is the appropriate time to have a conversation.” She simply said, closing the journal and gliding her eyes up to meet his bloodshot ones.

“It’s never a good time to talk to you. Why do you think I have to go find connection and companionship in other people? You’re closed off in every f*cking way I can think to find to try some kind of relationship with you!” Matt threw his arms around as he spoke, spilling the beer onto the floor. “I thought the therapy was supposed to make you less of a stuck up b*tch.”

Kara was not shocked by the name calling, but she was hurt. Hurt and filled with rage. Tears began filling the rim of her eyes.

“You think since I have cheated here and there it’s okay for you to sleep with your therapist now?” Matt yelled.

Kara looked at him shocked.

“Yeah don’t think I am an idiot, Kara. You say you’re going to these therapy sessions but you’re there wuuuuhh-aayyyy longer than a normal session. I know, I’ve asked some people around. You’re there two, even three hours at a time.”

“Because he cares about me. Not all connection is sexual and romantic.” She yelled back.

“Oh he cares about you? And I don’t?! Look at what all I have done for you. Hell, I was the one recommending therapy even though I knew I would have to pay for it.”Matt laughed.

“How cliche it is for you to sleep with the therapist.”

“Me? Cliche?” Kara said sharply.

She slowly stood up and then suddenly grabbed the beer out of his hand, slinging it to the wall with a crash.

“You, on the other hand are the MOST cliche person I know. A kitchen boy sleeping with the barely legal hostess when he has a beautiful wife at home after she moved hundreds of miles so you could fulfill whatever sick fantasy you had going on?! Now talk about every other man on the planet!” Kara screamed in a rage.

“The only reason I went was because of you” Kara continued, “and now because I have a relationship with myself you assume I’m cheating? Have you ever considered that I don’t have to have cheap meaningless hook ups to keep inflating my huge ego?”

Matt and Kara were making eye contact, tears pouring out of her eyes.

“The only difference is if it those girls had any idea of how pathetic you really were as a man, she would laugh about you with all the other girls that work there.” Kara said, stepping closer to Matt. “Actually, I know for a fact they already do. All you are is a dishwasher, Matt.”

In one swift movement, after the last syllable hit her lips, he had her slammed up against the liquid that was dripping down the wall.

“I am all you have, I want yo to remember that. If you decide to use this newfound lively hood of yours, you will come to regret it.” Matt spit in her face and let her drop to the floor. “Get this green sh*t out of MY house.”

-

Kara’s leg shook and she bit her chipped green nails as she sat in the familiar waiting room. Except this time she did not feel the same peace, and she wasn’t sure she would ever find that peace again. This time Matt sat next to her.

Dr. Dorian slithered out of the door way with that unleveled grin and waved her in. He looked particularly giddy today until he saw Matt sitting with her.

The tick of the clock in his office was as loud as it was the first day she came. The headache, the nausea. Rage, anxiety, sadness and confusion poured through her. How dare Matt take the one place she had to feel any kind of relief and take that from her. It wasn’t enough that he couldn’t stay loyal and now this.

“How are you today, Kara? I see you have brought Matthew in today, that’s spectacular!” Dr. Dorian exclaimed, trying to keep from snearing at Matt.

Kara chewed on her index finger and shook her head, not allowing for any eye contact.

Dr. Dorian eyed her up and down, finding it odd his client had nothing to say coupled with mannerisms he had seen since the first few sessions. Not to mention now the husband she couldn’t stop slamming in sessions was here.

He noticed she had a beige turtle neck on, and considering it was 99 degrees out in the middle of the Alabama summer, he knew something more sinister was afoot.

“Kara,” He prodded " Can you tell me what all has happened since our last session?”

Matt looked over at her and back to Dr. Dorian and smiled. “She’s fine, maybe a bit nervous is all.”

Dr. Dorian eyed him up and down.

“Is this why you started turning our house into an art project?” Matt said, gesturing around.

“I believe colors and art are a beautiful and producti-” Dr. Dorian started.

“Yeah, I don’t think you are supposed to talk about your feelings during OUR therapy session.” Matt huffed.

Kara shook again shook her head.

“I think it would be better if I just left. I have nothing left to gain here anyways. I knew therapy would be a waste of time and money.” Kara quickly stated as she grabbed her things and hurried out of Dr. Dorian’s office.

The therapist quickly ran behind her and grabbed her shoulder causing Kara to sling herself around.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but you are NOT to touch my wife!” Matt yelled as he stomped from the office and into the lobby.

Matt then pulled Dr. Dorian aside, grabbed Kara’s arm and the two of them left the building. The last sound being the tingling of the bell on the door that shook from being closed and the ticking of the clock.

-

Dr. Dorian immediately called his supervisor and explained the situation. He felt panicked. The supervisor told him his emotions are too close to the case and that he was probably looking too much into things.

He called Kara a few times as well, only to receive a text saying that she would no longer be needing his services and to no longer contact her.

He knew that there was nothing he could do other than show up to her house, which he bounced back and forth in his mind. A stunt like that and he could lose his license, the one thing he had left to live for.

A few weeks later, and no more word from Kara, he had decided he was going to make his way to her house.

He wrote down the address from the computer in green ink and hopped in the car.

After about fifteen minutes, he found his self sitting a few yards away from Kara’s house. There was police tape and lights everywhere. His heart sunk and as he drove home he began to cry.

-

The line trilled and his heart thumped. Dr. Dorian wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do. After waiting as long as he did to make it to Kara’s house, he decided to ask for forgiveness and not for permission.

“Hello?” A raspy voice came into the line

“Mrs. Lourange?”

“Who is this?” She asked, softly.

“This is Dr. Dorian, can we talk?

He then began to tell Kara’s mother the story of his daughter and how he lost her to a relationship she couldn’t find the strength to leave. How her favorite color was green.

“That was Kara’s.” Her mom sobbed into the phone.

After a few hours of conversation, Dr. Dorian decided it would be okay to send Kara's mother a few snippets of videos from the sessions he and Kara had together. Not anything to personal, but just instances where they would joke and laugh.

-

Dr. Dorian sat in a pew not far from the front, but more off to the side. Quite a lot of people came to the service. The way Kara had talked in the beginning of their sessions, it was as if she felt no one cared about her anymore. As time had gone on, and she began to liven up, she had began to play with the idea of calling her mom again. Having a relationship with her family once more.

A huge fight, and with no help from her husband, she was estranged from her family. Matt took the opportunity to sweep her away to a different state hundreds of miles away. Her mother said he had been garbage from the start.

The service began and different family members and friends spoke of her in a light and beautiful way. Dr. Dorian wished he would have been able to know her longer.

At the end, they allowed everyone to walk up and say good bye to Kara in the casket. Dr. Dorian finally made his way to the front, and as he looked down at her, he noticed she was wearing a beautiful dark green dress. He laid a green journal on her, and told her to say hello to his daughter for him.