Anxiety

Pete was running down the hallways of his school, naked, Aaron and Jake chasing after him. The entire school seemed to have gathered around to see the procession, laughing away at his misery. He spotted his friends among the crowd, faces bent into an inhuman smile, clapping along with others like they didn't recognise their friend in there. He tried calling out their names, but he seemed to have lost his voice. Suddenly Aaron was in front of him, dressed in his football gear, head held low, ready to tackle him to the ground. Pete couldn't stop himself, he seemed to have lost control of his body, his sickly body flailed for all it was worth trying to break the impact. The entire hallway burst out in a cheer when they collided.

He woke up with a shock, his sore body jolting to attention. Beads of cold sweat prickled on his feverish skin. Outside, a gust of wind pelted droplets of rain against the windowpane. Pete slowly walked over to it, wiping away the sweat with his bedsheet. The sun was shining through the dense monsoon clouds, the clock on his bedside table read 6.58 a.m, it would be ringing any moment now, time to get ready for school. It was just a bad dream, there was no way it could happen to him.

But the uneasiness persisted, getting worse with each passing moment, And by the time he was dressed up and ready to leave, the feeling of impending doom had reached its epitome. It didn't feel like a dream anymore but an accident ready to happen. His knees gave way, his heart began to palpitate. He didn’t want to go anymore, just wanted to dig back in his covers and go to sleep, hopefully forget the dream when he woke up. Downstairs mama called for breakfast. Hope she understands.

In the kitchen the air was dense with the smell of frying bacon, "Morning mama" Pete said, she stopped mid-flip and looked up at him, it had been years since he had wished her the morning.

She walked over, visibly concerned ."Are you alright?" she asks. Placing the back of her hand onto his head. The shower had already cooled him off.

"Umm... I thought perhaps I don't go today"

"Not again Pete, I thought you loved the school", she said ." besides, you said you had a test coming up right?"

She was not going to listen, she had already opened his bag and was stuffing the lunch in.

“I think something bad is about the happen” no way he was going to tell her about the dream. “I can feel it”.

“ Had a bad dream?” she knew everything. "How many times have I told you, dreams are nothing but thoughts"

“It wasn’t a dream, it felt so….real”, “ maybe it was a sign, God’s way of telling me to beware” Pete knew it was his only shot, God was the only way to get to a religious catholic lady.

“ As if God has nothing better to do, than warn your stupid ass of some nonsense” she was upset, almost on the verge of anger, no point in testing his luck any further. The bus would be here any moment now.

"I'll eat at school" he says and walks out of the house. The drizzle from the morning had turned into a full scaled down pour. He walked to the bus stop,body tucked close, umbrella held tightly against his chest. He decided to let the first bus go, it reached the school fifteen minutes before the bell rang, enough time for the deed to take place, he couldn’t risk it. The driver recognised him and waited-doors wide open-for him to get on, staring at him from his seat, Pete tried his best to avoid his gaze, if their eyes met he would have to get on. Finally he drove off. The next bus was ten minutes late, he would be cutting it close.

The bell had already rung by the time he reached but there were still some hooligans lurking around the gates, he waited till the very last one of them had gone inside.

Everyone was seated by the time he reached the class, he quietly went around and took his place, the entire duration of the class Pete’s attention was fixated on Aaron. Jake, like usual, was asleep on the last bench. Aaron noticed the interest and soon started to return it. And the next ninety minutes all they did was exchange awkward glances and fake smiles, waiting for the bell to ring.

Pete was the first one out of his chair when finally the bell rang, playing karuta with his Japanese neighbors had somehow honed his reflexes to another level, there was no way that Aaron was catching up. He was up the stairs and into the bathroom stall before Aaron could even dislodge his posterior out of those rickety school chairs.

He bolted the door shut and waited, even a slight rattle at the door made his heart skip a beat.He stayed there until he heard the warning bell for the next class ring, but instead of going back into the class, he walked into the nurses' office.

The nurse, fondly called Dr. Ana, even though she wasn’t a doctor, was sitting in there with her legs propped up on the desk, reading one of those raunchy mills and Boon paperback. He knocked on the door, she looked up for a second, but quickly returned to her book once she saw that it was Pete.

 “You again, what now?” she said, visible irritation leaking out from her voice. He had never been so mad at his weakened immune system ever before.

“ I think I am going to get hurt”

She closed her book and sat up in her chair, he somehow seemed to have caught her attention, “now that’s something I have never heard before, sit down I will write you up”

“Thank you so much, it’s just that…..” she was smiling, Pete hated sarcasm, never understood why people wouldn’t say what they wanted to say, it wasn’t even funny. He had always been bad at detecting it, it scared him, what if some day he would laugh out at someone’s genuine effort at conversation, so he always played it out in the negative, acted like sarcasm didn’t exist.

“ why don’t you just write me up,” he said, a fake smile plastered upon his face.

She looked up at him, the condescending way that people with reading glasses usually tend to do, with the glasses hanging low on the tip of the nose. “You know that you can just get up and leave right? No one's going to stop you”

“Well, I know, it's just that I need a reason so that I can sleep better that’s all”

She gave up, “So, who’s out to get you”

“I don’t know,” he said “but I can feel it, it's going to be baaaad”

“Go back to your class Pete” she was back to her book.

The good thing was, Pete didn’t have any other class with either Aaron or Jake till the end of the day, so, if he was just careful around the hallways he would, most probably, be fine.

As the end drew near Pete's anxiety had started to reach levels he never thought were humanly possible, he was back in the bathroom stall, there had already been three knocks at the door, teachers getting worried there was someone in there hammering a hole, but how could he tell them it was his beating heart. Deep down somewhere there was a relief as well, that the day spent running around from the washrooms to the classrooms was finally coming to a closure. But what about tomorrow or the day after, someday he would have to face his fears, how long could he keep running. There was no point in worrying about it now, he would cross the bridge when he comes to it.

As the bell rang he braced himself for the final confrontation, he took his own sweet time going to the class, taking the longest route geographically possible. He closed his eyes as he opened the door, praying for the first time in God knows how long.

Aaron was nowhere to be seen, and the seat where Jake slept was empty as well, what could have possibly happened. For the next 90 minutes, Pete played around every possible idea for their disappearance in his head, from football practice to possible suspension, if his mind wandered any further his mother would pop up in his head, pulling him back into the land of the living.

By the time the final bell rang Pete was the happiest person in the building, suddenly he could breathe better, felt like some weight he had been caring around for all his life had been lifted off his shoulders, usually, he would hang back after the classes were over, avoid the rush in the hallways which somehow always managed to accentuate his loneliness. But not today, he left with everyone else, wishing everyone he came across a good day as he floated through the hallways.

Pete had almost reached the gates, riding on his cloud 9, when he heard someone call out his name. It was Aaron, fully dressed up in his football gear, running at full speed towards him. Suddenly he was transported back to the dream, the cheer of the crowd ringing clearly in his head, he planted his feet ready to brace the impact, it would not be the same this time, he was fully in control of his body now, he could easily take on a tackle or two.

Aaron stopped a good three feet short of Pete, “ Sir… you forgot your lunch box in the class, the janitor asked me to give it to you” he said, slightly out of breath, The awkward smile from the morning class still plastered across his plumpish face. His ample cheeks had reddened up from the run, up close he was not scary at all, how could Pete possibly be scared to death of this cute little child. He was a good foot short of his height as well.

“Umm...thank you so much Aaron,” he said. Aaron was looking straight at him, his lips moving slightly, he wanted to say something, "anything else I can help you with Aaron?"

"Are you all right sir?" He asked, a look of genuine concern on that poor boys face. Pete got that a lot, almost everywhere he went people asked him that, maybe it was something with his face which made people think that he was sad. Maybe years of not being happy had somehow changed his looks.

"Sure bud" Pete said "why do you ask?"

"No, nothing, just felt like I should ask"

Pete rustled his hair. "now run along, and make sure you are prepared for tomorrow’s test, I am not going to go easy on y’all ”

“Sure sir, will do,” he said, running back to the fields.

As Pete looks at Aaron trotting away through the schoolyard he thinks, thinks about his day, whether it was worth it, thinks about his life, whether it was normal, whether he should see someone.