A Problem With The Database

John woke up and checked his phone. It was 8:11 a.m. If he hurried, he could still make it to work on time. He skipped his morning shower, threw on some clothes, and hopped in his car.

At work, John waved to his coworkers on the way to his desk and they waved back. Some frowned at him, which was confusing. When he got to his cubicle he was surprised to see someone in his chair.

“Hi. One minute,” the man said. He clacked around on the keyboard, but failed to login.

John was still tired, and wasn’t sure why the man was there. He scanned him and saw that he showed as John Smith. He was a Software Engineer and it said this was his assigned seat.

“What are you doing here?” John asked. He wanted to ask what the person was doing with his name and job and seat.

“One second. I’m having trouble logging in,” the fake John said.

“Good morning John. Is there a problem here?” Scott asked.

John was glad to see that Scott was in the office today. He was already starting to get agitated by the person sitting in his chair and name.

“How do I get into this computer?” the fake John asked.

“Scott, can you get this guy up? I don’t know what he’s doing here but I don’t want to be late for work.”

“You follow the directions on the screen there. Yes, like that. Can I help you?” Scott asked the real John.

“Is this a prank of some kind? Ha, ha. Very funny. Look, I’m officially running late now. Can you talk some sense into this guy?”

The fake John pressed some buttons on the keyboard. The computer scanned his ID chip and he was logged in. The real John reached down and locked the computer by pressing the windows key and the L key.

“Why did you do that?” the fake John asked.

“Whoa, whoa. I think you’d better come with me, Steve,” Scott said.

“This computer is only for John Smith. Me. You aren’t me so you need to get up now and move along,” John said.

“Steve. please, just calm down and step away. I’m not sure why you are up here bothering John, but you aren’t supposed to be here,” Scott said.

John stared at the fake John, who stared back.

“Are you going?” the fake John asked.

“He was talking to you,” John said.

“No, I was talking to you,” Scott said.

John saw that Scott was indeed looking at him with his arms crossed and his foot tapping impatiently. John led the way to Scott’s office, the same way he had taken hundreds of times before.

“What’s this all about?” John asked.

“I could ask you the same thing, Steve,” Scott said.

“Why do you keep calling me Steve?”

“Because that’s your name.”

“My name is Smith. John Smith.”

“The ID scanner said you are Steve. Steve Halloway.”

“Scott, we’ve worked together for almost a decade. You know I’m John. I’ve met your wife and kids for Christ’s sake.”

“Sorry Steve, I don’t think you’ve ever been over to my house,” Scott said.

John knew he didn’t say anything about going to Scott’s house. If he pressed a little harder, he may be able to talk some sense into Scott.

“Your wife’s name is Lucy. Your kids are Terry and Cheryl,” John said.

“Sorry bud,” Scott said.

“You called Terry ‘terr-bear’ until he said he was too old for that, then you passed the name on the Cheryl and called her ‘cher-bear’. Terry is seven now and Cheryl is three.”

Scott was now sweating a little, despite the cold temperature in the room, and his hands were shaking.

“Look, I don’t know how you got this information, but I can’t have you up here bugging John and me while we are trying to work. The ID scanner doesn’t make mistakes, so you are Steve and the man at your, his desk is John, and I am Scott,” Scott said.

“I’m John,” John yelled.

Scott picked up his phone. “Security. I need you up here on the fourth. Yup. Bye.”

John ran out of the room, past the copier he hated, past the coworkers who wanted to start a conversation with him, but their mouth’s closed and they look away when they saw that John wasn’t John, and he went back to his desk.

“You,” John said to the fake John.

The fake John had logged in again and was clicking around now.

“Yes?” the fake John said.

“You aren’t John. I am. You are in my seat. You need to leave. You need to get out, now.”

“The ID scanner says I’m John. It’s funny, I thought I was someone else when I left my house this morning.”

“What did you do yesterday?”

“What do you mean, what did I do?”

“What was your job? It wasn’t a Software Engineer. I know it wasn’t. What did you do?”

“I was a janitor. It’s funny, I came in ready to do that job today but the scanner said I should come up here. I must’ve gotten a promotion for doing such a good job. I didn’t know you got a new name when that happens.” The fake John shrugged and went back to his new computer, John’s old computer.

“There is a mistake. I’m the Software Engineer. I can’t…” John said.

“What is this program?” the fake John asked and pointed to Visual Studio Code on the screen.

“There is a mistake…” John said again as security carried him to the elevators.

“You’ve got to believe me. I belong up there,” John said again on the elevator.

“The ID scanner says you belong down here,” one of the security guards said. They took John down to the first floor and handed him his broom.

There was no fighting against it. Not with everyone else going along with it.

Sweeping wasn’t so bad. Neither was mopping. He could even get used to doing the windows. The worst part was cleaning the restrooms, but even that wasn’t too bad. He had always been a clean freak and it felt satisfying leaving a room sparkly and nice.

He lived further away now, he found out at the end of the day. He was about ten minutes away before, but now he was almost forty. As the now Steve drove home in an unfamiliar car, he wondered if a wife would greet him at the door.