Circus Act

“See you tomorrow Stefan” I shout up to my instructor who is balancing on the high wire at the top of the highest peak in the red and white circus tent.

“Until tomorrow Kai” Stefan shouts down to me in his French accent. He flips onto his hands and continues to walk the high wire upside down his silver unitard sparkling in the bright lights. I began training with Stefan just over a month ago, but I have so much more to learn before I’d feel comfortable performing the stunts he does at such a high height. It’s 5 days until the final performance of his career so he is staying late to practice. He has been staying late most days as he spends regular practice hours teaching me. In the next town we travel to I will be taking over his act.

I walk over into the locker room to find Jade whose act involves contortion and sword swallowing. Jade has already switched into her street clothes, all black everything but somehow still trendy, “Hey Kai, ready to go home for the night?” she says to me.

“Just about!” I change into everyday clothes taking off my red unitard and replacing it with tight fitting jeans and a plain T-shirt. I grab my keys and wallet; Jade and I head out into the parking lot. We hop into her grey range rover and speed down main street; we swerve down small streets until we arrive at our townhouse complex. I moved in with Jade when I moved away from home to join this travelling circus. We also live with a third member of our circus, Butch who is a 350-pound strongman. We walked into the house to see him bench pressing at least twice his weight. Sweat is dripping down his darkly coloured skin and onto the bright red tank top that barely covered his chest in the first place.

“Hey what did we say about having a spot when you lift Butch!” Jade said angrily.

“Jade, you couldn’t help me lift this thing in a million years” He poked playfully back, if he was struggling to lift that weight, you couldn’t tell from his voice. Jade continued to pout, seemingly dissatisfied with this response. Butch replaced the barbell back into its sockets and added, “Anyways I’m lifting barely half my max I am fine; I am smarter than you give me credit for”.

Relenting, Jade’s smile returns, and she jumps on to the old but surprisingly comfortable couch next to Butch’s bench, “Stefan really likes to make the rest of us look bad putting in extra hours, and he doesn’t even want to stick around” Jade gossiped to Butch her blue eyes staring expectantly at Butch. I don’t like to get involved in such conversations, so I sneak off to the kitchen, which is just one room over, to make myself dinner in hopes I won’t get dragged back into the conversation.

“I heard that he found a girl he wants to start a family with.” Butch adds, immediately getting engrossed in the gossip.

“I heard she is making him quit; she’s worried its too dangerous.” from the kitchen I see her feign concern, dramatically sigh and pretend to pass out in an attempt to mock this idea “The best tightrope walker I’ve ever seen, in danger?” Jade grunted.

“Well they got a pretty decent replacement” Butch says a little louder, presumably for my benefit. I stick my arm out from the kitchen with a thumbs up. The two chuckle and continue gossiping about Stefan and other members of the circus. By the time I finish making my food they have moved on to the ring master, Keith. I re-enter the living room to see Butch lifting again this time standing up and Jade contorted into a pretzel. As much as they judge Stefan for his extra practice, everyone pretty much practices all day long regardless of if they are at the circus or not just to keep their bodies in the best shape. I sit down across from Jade in a wooden chair.

“Did you see how Keith yelled at poor little Josie today?” Josie is a young girl, just barely a teenager who performs the diablo and juggling act for the circus. She lives with Keith in the tent, through previous gossip sessions I have learned that Keith may have adopted her because of her talents.

“Josie shouldn’t have been so distracted while she was practicing, she could’ve hurt herself.” countered Butch.

“She’s just a kid, I bet you Josie would be gearing up for high school right now if Keith let her.” Jade said coolly switching her position by bending backwards until her head landed between her two feet, blonde hair falling onto her face.

“Keith doesn’t let her go to school?” I ask.

“Well Keith homeschools her – ” Butch starts, “ – but who’s decision was that really” Jade butts in with distain. Butch rolls his eyes and walks over to me slapping my shoulder he says, “It’s all just gossip anyways Kai, don’t take anything we say too seriously.” He then heads into the kitchen briefly and comes out with a plate with meat piled on it.

“I still can’t believe you eat all of that cold” Jade feigns disgust.

“I’ve already cooked it once, not everyone has the time to make gourmet meals every night” Butch replies making a gesture towards me.

“He eats well, get off his back” Jade jokes as she unravels to head up to her room for the night.

“Ah he couldn’t hold me up on his back if he tried” Butch joked, we all laugh a little, somehow weight and strength-based jokes never seem to get old for Butch, so we play along.

…

 Butch has already left for the circus by the time Jade and I roll out of bed. We both eat on the way to the circus. Jade and I quickly change and then head to warm up with the rest of the company in a smaller tent beside the performance area. Jade has been trying to lead the company stretch forever, or at least for as long as I have been here. I don’t think it would help our company improve like she says though, the only person with remotely as much flexibility as her is her partner act Henry, Jade doesn’t like Henry much, I think they briefly tried to date. I see Henry stretching on the opposite side of the tent from us, he is favoring one knee slightly, I hadn’t noticed that before. I continue to look around the room at all the various acts. There are two twins in matching pink leotards that I haven’t officially met yet who perform a trapeze act, based on the scars on his face there is a lion tamer, he is in casual clothes and doesn’t seem to be stretching, a group of 6 women who I think work with plate spinning, and many more faces I recognize even less. This circus doesn’t have a very rigorous welcoming committee, or one at all. There is one face I would recognize the most that I don’t see though, “Hey Jade, do you see Stefan” I ask quietly.

She pulls her eyes from who she was staring at, Henry, to briefly look around the room, “He probably is sleeping in after staying out here so late” she said passively. I walk over to Butch to ask him the same question, but he hasn’t seen Stefan either. Keith walks into the room and as if magic a hush falls over us. He walks to the center of the room and in a loud booming voice he says, “Everyone, we are four days away from our last show in New York” the room erupts in applause but stops almost as quickly as it began. Keith continues, “You have all put so much work into this show I am so proud of each and everyone of you. Don’t drop the ball on us now, go out their and practice your tricks! You all know where to find me if you need me.”

Keith walks out of the tent and as soon as he does the tent everyone breaks out into casual conversation.

“Off to another day with Henry Hickens” Jade says as she pretends to shoot a bullet through her head with her hand playing the part of a gun. Jade walks off towards Henry and her demeanor quickly changes to something more perky, she smiles and through the crowd I can see them chatting effortlessly, maybe even laughing. Butch notices me staring at them, “She doesn’t hate him as much as she puts on, I think she wishes she hated him”. I nod trying to take in their confusing relationship.

“Don’t tell her I said – ” Butch begins to say but is cut off by a blood curdling scream coming from the performance tent. The whole company freezes but quickly defrosts to run to the aid of whoever is screaming. We can all see Josie crying on the ground next to a body – it can’t be. The crowd of people surround the scene, and someone shouts for Keith. I start pushing through the crowd first slowly and then picking up pace muttering “It can’t be” under my breath. It feels as though I am moving slowly, pushing through cement instead of a crowd. I make it through the last row of people and the scent of iron invades my senses. I rush over to the body to check his pulse – nothing. “Stefan” I mutter in defeat.

Keith runs into the performance tent frantically shouting, “Everyone move out of the way!” The sea of people part for Keith just enough for him to see who lies dead on the ground before him. He quickly switches tone to that of a businessman, calm and assertive he says, “Everyone go home, you have today off work but continue to practice at home. Except Kai, I need you to stay behind” I don’t think I could’ve gotten up to leave if he had asked me to, everyone else obliges likely in total shock.

“I’m sorry Kai, this is no way to start a career in the circus.” Keith says.

“I- I- ” I don’t even really know what I would say if I could get the words out to say something.

“I know its scary to perform these stunts day in and day out, but I assure you our highwire is safe. We of course will be ensuring this before you get up there”

“B- before I get up there?” I ask bewildered still kneeling next to my dead teacher.

“It’s very terrible what happened to Stefan, I shouldn’t disclose this information, but for your peace of mind Stefan was a very troubled man.” Keith looks to me for a reaction or comment, but I don’t have that in me, he continues, “If I had known it had gotten so bad for him I would have never asked him to perform with us one last time. If I had known he would – ”

“You think he jumped?” I ask harshly.

“Well of course nobody can really know except for Stefan what happened here last night. You were only just getting to know Stefan; I am sorry that this is how he shared his inner demons with you”.

Keith fell silent and so did I. Stefan did this on purpose? He was almost finished this act, what about his girlfriend? My mind falls silent too, he must have been in a very dark place.

After some time, Keith added “Kai, I know this is a lot to ask, but I also know that you have been training with the best for about a month now. And I have seen you, you never fall, and you do the tricks just like Stefan would. We need you to perform on Friday as Stefan, the crowds, they come for him, they were promised him, his death could ruin the show.”

…

This month our circus is performing in Los Angeles. It’s just Butch and I in an apartment this time, Jade has since gotten over her issues with Henry and they are living together in an apartment near by, they have been dating for about six months now. Butch tells me they won’t last any farther past Las Vegas, apparently this isn’t the first time they have tried dating. We have a performance tonight, so Jade is picking me up while Butch walks to the circus.

“How are you doing Kai?” asks Henry. Jade noticeably irked by the plainness in Henry’s conversation starter.

“I’m alright Henry” I say, he is just trying to get to know Jade’s friend, no harm in that.

“Henry pissed off Keith” blurted out Jade. Henry clearly bothered by the bluntness of Jade’s conversation starter. Regardless without further prompt Henry gets into it, “I told him I need a brief break from the show when we get to Las Vegas, I’ve had this knee injury forever and I finally found a doctor who will fix it for me there. I really just want to be able to move around without pain all the time again”

“Keith’s pissed because he thinks Henry doesn’t need this surgery, he is just risking his talent for nothing” Jade says flamboyantly mocking Keith.

“Are you still going to do it?” I ask.

“Over the counter pain meds aren’t working anymore, I don’t think I have much choice.” Henry says.

Jade’s car pulls into the lot and we all file into the tents.

After a few hours of warming up the crowds begin to file into the bleachers in the performance tent. I am the first act up, so I wait in the sidelines to hear Keith say “Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, please give a warm welcome to our first act, STEFAN THE GREAT”. The crowds cheered for me as I defied gravity on my highwire. I held the balance bar on my feet as I climbed across the highwire on my hands, I flipped in the air only to land perfectly balanced on the wire again, I juggled knifes from this height and shot them at targets on the ground. The crowd ate me up, it felt great. I knew I did Stefan proud.

After the show had finished the whole company crowded into the small warm up tent and popped champagne to celebrate the end of our shows in Los Angeles. I walked over to Jade and Butch to congratulate them on another successful show.

“Great show Butch, and Jade, I think this show was the most in sync you and Henry have been!” I said. Jade laughed and said “What can I say, things have been going really well for us recently”

“Yeah, they only fight twice a day, Jades even reduced her eye roll count to 5 times per conversation.” Butch interjects, Jade rolls her eyes in response which Butch comments on, “Look that’s only 1/5 for this conversation!”. Jade reaches over to Butch and smacks his arm with all her might, barely effecting Butch. We all laugh.

“Hey where is the lucky man anyways?” I ask.

“I haven’t seen him since our performance actually.” Jade said skeptically.

Jade asks around to try to find Henry but comes back to us quickly when she sees Keith enter the tent, “Nobody has seen him, he wouldn’t miss this celebration, can we go find him?” Jade says hurriedly. Butch and I jump to our feet to go help Jade find Henry.

We walk tent to tent calling out his name but hear nothing. We last check the locker room and we are welcomed by silence only broken up by the sound of a running water and a trail of pills leading to the showers. Henry is sprawled out underneath running water clutching a pill bottle in his lifeless hand. Jade screams out in agony, despite their on-again off-again relationship she really loved him. Soon the rest of the company is huddled around us in shock as they see their friend and co-worker dead on the ground. Keith pushes forward to the front of the crowd, once again taking up a businessman cold approach, “This is a great loss, please everyone, go home and get some rest, we have a lot of travel ahead of us.”

The crowd starts to thin out, but Jade won’t let go of Henry, so Butch and I stay with her. Keith comes over to us and says calmly, “It’s a tragedy really, how Henry got addicted to pain medication. I wish he had had the opportunity to get that surgery he needed before his addiction overcame him.”

…