Alex Flynn

Okay, eggs, bread, mayo, toothpaste. Was there anything else I needed? 

I feel like there's something missing. I have shampoo at home, TP is enough for a couple weeks. I shouldn’t get the ice cream, I’ll get it next time, chocolate Ben & Jerry’s can wait. What else would a struggling college student need?

I suppose I could go get some more coffee, my body won’t caffeinate itself after all. You know, caffeine is a drug. Some type of lower grade stimulant, or whatever my Psychology professor was yammering about this week. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the caffeine, I wouldn’t have had the energy to even attend his class. So who has an addiction now, huh? Yeah, let’s just skip over that topic. 

Okay, coffee aisle. Great, there are only a few people in there. So where's the cheapest, though at least moderately tasty, brand I can find? 

“Excuse me, can I just grab something on your left there?”

My heart stopped, that voice soft like silk that could convince me to do anything with the slightest command, I'd recognize it anywhere. It couldn’t be her, not here, certainly not now. 

I contemplated making a run for it, I really did, but what better time to face your past then now, right? So, all I could do was turn around and face her.

Alex Flynn. Brunette, brown eyes and absolutely drop dead gorgeous. Her face rounded, nose slightly crooked with a small mole on one side. These small eye-catchers that seem like flaws or insecurities to others were treasures in my eyes. Her eyes were more rounded than anything but they shone bright, despite being such a dark color. Her skin was dark and smooth, and completely flawless.

We met back in 9th grade, when I first moved into town. I remember walking into Biology class and seeing her standing there, asking the teacher a question about the assignment. Her relaxed frame was captivating. She was absolutely stunning. Her hair thrown over her shoulder, glasses placed loosely on her nose. Her blue blouse with loose sleeves resembling the top of a princess dress, although she was just wearing jeans. So simple, yet so elegant, enough to make your knees wobble. 

Throughout my high school career I attempted to approach her, but couldn’t really achieve much anything. I’m not really much of a smooth talker if you know what I mean. I bet she was too busy either way for a relationship, always the top of our class and one of the most brilliant individuals I’ve met. She was the book type that  always knew the answers in class. Kind of like a know-it-all, except you never wanted her to stop relaying fact after fact. She always froze me in her gaze and struck me still as stone. I was stuck in a fog, and I didn’t mind it at all. I'd stay there forever if she'd let me. She was never the “popular girl” because she had so much fire and passion in what she spoke about, but that’s what I loved about her.

I might’ve had just a small, teeny tiny crush on her. 

“Sorry could I please get past you real quick?” Oh, shoot, right, she needed coffee grounds. 

I gracefully stepped aside, only stumbling and nearly faceplanting once. Smooth, as usual.

As I, somewhat creepily, gazed at her, I had an impulse to talk to her. Anything to see if this illusion is real. 

“Nice shoes.” Wow, insightful, Alyssa. Your best interaction yet.

She took it anyways, smiling wide and beautiful, “Thanks, I got them here actually. Very fashionable, right?” Her laugh sounded like bells, ringing throughout the store and echoing in my mind. I was starstruck. 

She looked even more beautiful than she did in high school, which I didn’t think was possible. Of course it’s possible Alyssa, you’re staring at her. 

Oh god, I’m staring at her! Look away. Too late, dang it. Eye contact. Maintain it? Don’t? Don’t make your eyes dart around, you idiot. Oh no, this is getting so awkward. But she looks so pretty. I haven’t seen her in so long. I don’t know what to do, I haven’t trained for this situation. 

And then it clicked. Maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe I was meant to meet her here, right now, at this Wal-Mart in this town. I never had the strength to talk to her before, asking her out seemed unreachable. But maybe, just maybe, this is the universe telling me we should be together. This is my time to try. This is what I’m meant to do. We only live once after all. The lights seem to shine brighter, and no, it’s not just the fluorescents above us. I’ve got to do it. 

“Hey, so, I know we haven’t talked since high school, and it’s evidently been a while. But maybe we can go grab a coffee? You know, fresh from the place down the street?” My weak laugh fumbled out in the end, trying to cover up my obvious awkwardness. Uncertainty plagued my mind, I don't know what she'll say. Hopefully yes.

My heart beated rapidly. I hope she can’t hear it. I’ve never thought I’d actually be here. I would be shaking right now if I wasn’t frozen in place.

She looks taken aback. Oh god, is this the wrong thing to do? She’s thinking! That’s never a good sign. Oh no, friendzoned?

“I’m so sorry”. Oh god, here it comes, just say no, Alex, don’t spare my feelings. “I don’t really remember who you are, are you sure you know me from high school?”

Oh god. I think I literally heard some record stop somewhere. It’s worse than I thought. She doesn’t even remember me. She doesn’t even remember me! 

“No, you’re right, sorry I think I am thinking about someone else. Sorry.” I sputter out quickly, trying to get out of this now suffocating situation. I abandon the coffee, I abandon that whole aisle. I abandon her. I ignore her calls and quickly pay for my things and leave.

I can’t believe I thought that was going to work. Stupid signs. Stupid universe. Stupid coffee. Stupid love. Stupid thought that I had a chance!

I can’t believe she forgot me. I’m Alyssa! I took her to junior year homecoming! Well, really I kind of just stumbled into her. But still! We danced together! Although, it was separate because she was with Danny, but I still can’t believe it. I was in her stupid science class, although, I always sat behind her because the opportunity to look at her face-to-face if I turned around was too nerve wracking. But I still knew her, and she should’ve known me. 

  Once I get my dumb car open I throw everything into the back seat and then slump into my chair, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. I can’t believe I ever thought I had a chance. 

And then realization hit me. I self-sabotaged. I never gave myself a chance to meet and befriend her. Darn Psychology professor and his inner critic whatever lesson. 

All I can do now is sigh and go back home. I really, really wished I bought that ice cream. I look into the backseat and see some of the eggs had broken. Not the only thing broken today.

So, with whatever last shred of me left, I turn on the car and drive out of that cursed parking lot, dragging my heavy, shattered heart with me.