La Petite Amor Mori

“Thanks alot.”

“Yea. Fuck off then.”

“Ya fuck you too asshole!”

“Fuck you too bitch.”

He tossed her overnight bag, dropped the clutch and the engine screamed. There she was watching him speed off; middle finger hanging off his arm.

The bag had spilled open. Her makeup lay in a pile of broken glass that was the very colour of her skin. Panties, tampons, toothbrush, hairbrush, razor and deodorant; all spilled out on the road. The love letter she wrote him and that was naked within had been carelessly crumpled up and tossed in on top of it. All before he had tossed it all to fall in a scattered heap. The letter was blowing down the street in the wind.  

With tears in her eyes she chased after it.

Two blocks down she pulled it out of a muddy puddle and it tore apart.

With tears streaming down her cheeks and the torn and soggy letter clutched in her hand. She marched back and threw all her “stuff" back into her bag as the neighbors watched.

She stood up and wiped her tears and calmly walked back into her house.

Inside she threw the bag against the wall, pulled her hair and screamed.

There was nothing she could do.

She went to her closet and looked for her shortest skirt.

She had looked down while he ate her out the night before.

HE HAD PUT HEADPHONES ON.

His eyes were a bit bloodshot.....by the time he pulled his sickle up to the tavern. no one would be able to tell.

It wasn’t the first time. He tried to make it the last.

For her at least.

He pulled out a bag and a surface and a bill and bucked one before he had to go inside to talk to the guy about the thing he took care of last week that wasn’t done being taken care of because there was another thing that needed taking care of now….

It never stopped.

“The fuck you want man.”

“Shut up, there’s one last thing we go-”

“For fuck sakes man.”

“Yup.”

“You been alright?”

“Yup….”

“Ya?”

“Yup…you been good?”

“Ya man my cats breath still smells like cat food.”

“Ight.”

“You still..?”

“Yup.”

“K…let me know whe-”

“Fuck off”

“K…fair enough.”

“Yup.”

“Thanks for taking care of that thing for me though hey?”

“No worries man thanks for hooking me up with it….but its not over right?”

“No fuck it. I’m over it.”

“You sure?”

“Ya man.”

 They both sat for a moment drinking slow.

Just then the door swung open and there she was. 2 p.m. on a Tuesday afternoon. She wasn’t there to dance. In her short little skirt she strutted past them both and sat down next to the suburban looking kid at the end of the bar and began to twirl her hair.

She was stunning.

Slutty never looked so good.

“Alright that's it then….”

They were both looking over at her.

“Ya I’m happy on my end.”

Both their eyes on her still.

“Alright man thanks again….I better get going.”

“Ya….”

“Alright then…let me know if you got any problems need solving...”

They stood up an gave each other a hug and a couple back slaps. One walked out the door the other sat drinking for a moment watching her flirt.

He finished his beer and ordered a double whiskey dry.

He drank that one and then another and then one more and began to flirt with the barmaid knowing full well she was watching.

The kid said something that made her laugh and say: “OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO FUNNY!!”

She tilted her head back and cackled.

She leaned forward as she laughed and her hand left her chest and landed on the kids upper thigh.

That was it.

He stood up and sauntered over.

He laughed.

“You got jokes?”

“What?”

They looked up at him.

She turned back to her drink.

“You got jokes?”

He was smiling.

A big fat friendly smile but the kid looked uncomfortable.

“No man I’m…I’m ok…”

“No man I heard you talking…. sounded like you said something funny!”

Big fat smile.

“No I was just telling her a story dude.”

“You got no jokes then?”

“No man….”

The was a nice long uncomfortable pause.

She had the look of hatred in her eyes as she stared across the tavern at nothing at all. 

He nodded.

“….ight.”

The long silent pause got louder.

He nodded.

“ALRIGHT THEN BOYS FUCK IT!” He swung a bar stool around and plopped it in right down between them. “I got a joke…”

“Dude…I…”

“No, no, no, no, listen man its a good fucking joke.”

“Dude just fuck off man…”

He looked like he meant it for a moment then he waivered.

He wasn’t smiling anymore.

“I have this pet rock…”

The poor kid looked worried.

“My pet rock Steve…..he lives in the woods…..he’s about this big….”

He held out his fist palm up holing his imaginary pet rock Steve.

“He’s my friend….”

There was another long uncomfortable pause.

“You wanna meet him?”

The kid looked scared.

“I’m sure he’d love to meet you….come on man lets go for a walk and I’ll give you the punchline to the joke.”

“Dude…”

“Stand up, pay your bill, tip the bar maid and leave.”

He did.

She glared at him.

She tried to hide her smile.

“You’re a fucking asshole you know that.”

“…yup”

“Fuck you.”

He laughed.

“I’m down if you are.”

He gave her a dark and devious look.

She was already wet.

They lay together in his bed.

Out of breath.

Her mascara had run down her face her hair was a fucked up mess. Her thong was still hanging off her ankle.

She was stunningly beautiful.

“My boyfriends gonna kill you if he ever finds out.”

He sighed.

He lit a cigarette.

“He won’t…..”

“You’re an asshole…”

He farted.

“Shut up you love it.”

“Fuck you.”

She always wanted it to be him.

It was never going to be.

“I’m sorry sweetheart.....”

“What?”

“No…I….I dunno….”

“No fucking say it!”

He took a long drag and passed her the cigarette.

“Do you remember that time when we were kids…and….”

“….yea.”

They laid together in silence.

“I love you…..”

“Oi!!! Cell 34! You got a visitor!….No! No! No! Not you! Your celly.”

The buzzer rang and there she was.

Behind a sheet of scratched up plexiglass she was as beautiful as anything there could ever be.

“…hey”

He smiled.

She looked like she might cry.

“Its only 190 days….143 left…its alright….”

She cried.

“I’m so sorry I tried to flush it all-”

“Hey! Shh! No! Shut up! I don’t need anymore charges none of this is your fault.”

It was.

Had she just done nothing at all he wouldn’t be on the other side of the glass she was looking through.

“No but it is I-”

“Hey no its fine…occupational hazard…Hey!...sweetheart?”

Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

“I know…but…still…”

Through her tears and the scratched up plexiglass she looked at him. As bad as he was....when ever he looked at her there was always that same love in his eyes. The same love she saw first, all those years ago. She wished to be there in that place with him again. There he was though. On the wrong side of that plexiglass.

Grey sweat pants. Grey sweat shirt. Flip flops, socks and a black eye.

“How's that project you were working on?”

She smiled, and wiped her tears, then gushed.

For 47 minutes he listened to her.

Her every want, her every fear, and every hope she had in her heart that day he heard.

They forgot about the plexiglass.

The buzzer rang.

It looked like she might cry again.

“Hey…hang on I gotta go but…”

He put his hand on the scratched up plexiglass.

She laughed.

“You’re so fucking dumb!”

She laid her hand on the glass across from his. So close to touching but so painfully far.

A passing inmate turned and saw and laughed.

“Holah!”

She wrote him almost every day.

She put a little money in his commissary every week.

She called as often she could.

And every day he answered.

She was having a hard time at work. People had heard about the incident and thought she was somehow involved. Then her landlord was trying to evict her so he could renovate and bump up the rent. She had broken up with her boyfriend but he kept showing up at her apartment late at night; drunk, demanding she come out and talk to him. Her cat was sick and she didn’t have enough money to pay for the surgery.

 So he made arrangements to have a sum of money put directly into her hand. He made arrangements to make sure her ex wouldn’t show up late at night anymore. He had a friend negotiate a better monthly rate for her and the landlord had personally come to apologize to her over the slight misunderstanding they had.

He couldn’t choke her though….. He couldn’t spank her or pull her hair. He couldn’t pin her down against the bed and make her moan and cry out. He couldn’t hold her. He couldn’t kiss her. He couldn’t stroke her back with the tips of his fingers while she stroked his chest with the tips of hers.

 He couldn’t feel her warm breath on his neck or her whispers in his ear. 

Then with 39 days left in his sentence and all of his good time intact he got his final letter.

She had found the one.

She was getting married.

He was a used car salesman. 

Her mother approved of him.

That was it.

She was never one to sleep alone at night…… it came as no real shock.

An evil thought crossed his mind…

He shook his head, crumpled up the letter before tossing it into the toilet. He got up and went to lunch.

It was fish puck day.

“Hey how are ya!”

A big fat smile.

“Just fine!”

A big fat smile returned.

“So how how can I help ya.”

He was shorter than he thought he would be.

“I’m looking to buy some watermelons.”

His expression was deadpan.

“Uh…well sir… this uh… we only sell used cars…”

He nodded and looked around "Lucky! I’m in the market for one of those too..."

“Well...alright then lets go have a look.”

A big fat smile and he motioned him to the door.

Long way round the block with this one he thought.

“So if you look over here I think this one would suit you nicely.”

He was looking around the yard, she had to be somewhere.

“What you mean by that?”

“Well…its a…its a nice car I-”

“Its a convertible. You implying something?”

“No I just thought?”

“You just thought? How is that a question?" He paused and starred at him. "Tell me why you think I’d want to roll around in a red convertible from the mid nineties?”

There are just some things can't be faked.

The salesman was pale and his bottom lip was trembling.

“Well…”

“Well?” He stood there staring down at him.

“Well lets see what else we can find you then…”

The man held his head up and motioned for him to follow him further down the lot.

“So what about this one.”

He was still pale in the face but his lip had stopped trembling.

“Ya...how many watermelons you think that trunk could fit?”

“Well sir I suppose that depends on how big they are.”

Just then she appeared. She was marching straight at them.

Never in his life had he ever seen a woman so furious yet composed.

“….you know mine are pretty damn big actually…..”

“HI!” Her voice was unnaturally loud.

“Hey there!” He smiled his stupid impish smile.

She turned to her fiancée “Uh sweetie could I have a quick word?”

“Uh sweet pea I’m with a potential cus-”

“We have a little problem with his credit score.”

He broke in “I was actually gonna pay the whole thing in cash!” He smiled his stupid smile.

“Sweetie lets have a quick word back insi-”

“Sweet pea I-”

“You know I could probably just come back later.”

“No! Sir its fine. Sweet pea! Back inside! Now!”

Holy shit.

He had never seen a woman so furious in all his life for the second time that day, inside of like... 10 seconds no less... She turned and walked back.

He just watched her angry ass stomp off not hearing a word of whatever the sales man had continued on with.

“Ya no sounds great lets take her out for a test drive.”

“Uh...Alright then! Sounds good we’ll just go inside real quick and grab the keys! Great!”

Inside she approached them with a grave face.

“Umm…Sweetie you know that number you told me not too answer?……I’m so sorry they’re on the phone…I’m so! So! Sorry!….” she gave him a plaintive look.

“Fucking shit..” the man muttered then excused himself.

She gave a bright smile “So! Found what you’re looking for?”

He smiled back and looked into her eyes “Ya…took me a while to realize I’d already found exactly what it was I needed.”

Her face contorted in a strange way as her fiancée came up behind her.

“Right then I’m very sorry but I really do have to take this call. My lovely lady here will ride along with you..... She doesn't know much but for insurance...you know... we can’t let the cars go out alone.”

“No! I would but I really just have to much work pilled up right now…”

They stood there staring at each other with odd smiles on their faces. The poor man looked confused for a moment then shook it off.

“Sweet pea! You can stay late if you need to catch up we’ve talked out your work ethic….”

She smiled even brighter.

“Alight then! Lets go!”

“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU STUPIDFUCKINGDICK! YOU MOTHER FUCKER! HOW DARE YOU?! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!”

The way she was hitting him from the passenger seat he thought they really might go off the road this time. He tried to get her to put her seatbelt on. She hit him even harder then began cry.

“Listen I-”

“No you shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Shut up! Fuck you!”

She cried and he stayed silent for a few miles.

“What's your stupid little plan anyway I’m getting married…”

He just looked down the road.

She wiped her tears.

“When did you get out?”

“I ended up doing the whole bit.”

She laughed.

“Always gotta be cocky and start shit huh?”

“….ya.”

She looked around.

“Is this….?” She looked over and gave him a derisive look. “Really?! That's your big move.”

He laughed.

“Ya.”

She was still glaring at him but when he looked over and smiled at her she cracked. She couldn’t help it. It was always going to be him. It always had been and it was always going to be. Him and him alone. He had broken her though. She would take no more. 

“We haven't been here since high school….”

At the top of hill over looking the lake he stopped the car and looked out though the cracked glass out into the distance.

“Listen I-”

“No!” She shook her head. “I know what he might look like on the outside but that's not what he’s really like…we’re getting married….you broke my heart too many times…" With tears rolling down her eyes again she reached over and took his hand. “I’m sorry…thank you for all that you have done for me but I have to move on….”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean its over.”

“I know...but….listen…I…” He looked over and squeezed her hand. They leaned in and kissed. She looked up at him and shook her head. “…….alright then…”

Through her tears she looked into his.

“Thank you for all that you’ve done for me.”

He chuckled and shook his head.

“I’ve been nothing but shitty to you from that very first day in the first grade when I cut that one pig tail off your head.... ”

She smiled up at him.

“No…you’ve always been kind of an asshole.... but you’ve always been there for me…..you sat next to me in the third grade every recess and helped me read while every one made fun of me for being dyslexic…you stood by me in middle school when they all made fun of me for having herpes….and I know it was you that burnt that fuckers house down back in high school.”

He laughed and smiled.

“Technically it was only the garage….”

She smiled and shook her head at him.

“I love you….I always will….I’ll never forget the love you gave me….but I have to move on…I have too.”

The true pain in his heart began to show through.

“I’m sorry I di-”

“No shut up…please!….I never needed it to be perfect….I never wanted it to be perfect…..” She leaned in and kissed him. “It was never going to be perfect….you were all I ever wanted…. I’ll never forget our love….it was worth every moment of pain and I would take nothing back.”

He nodded…..

“If you change your-”

“I won’t…”

“Alright….you know the sound of my sickle though…just like high school…”

She squeezed his hand and shook her head.

Standing at the alter, she heard the sound and whispered:

"Oh thank god..."