A Mother's Lies

         Alison was always raised to respect Cherokee teachings and land, and people, She thought she was part of that world. When she got into her 40s and one of her nephews had done one of those DNA ancestor kits, he had found not a single drop of indigenous blood anywhere. A very confusing result to Alison. There was no way it was correct. Her sister had gone to school on a tribal scholarship. Of course, she had to do her own test. Aside from finding all sorts of relatives that she hadn't known before, she found that the tribal scholarship was allowed because her grandmother had been born on a reservation. While the circumstances were unclear, it absolutely gives the rights and privileges of the tribe.

         One could see where a person could get the wrong impression. However, Alison’s mother was a world class, narcissistic liar. There were times when her mother would introduce her to people that would ask her what kind of law she practiced, or what country she currently made her home. She was expected to not only know the lie but carry along with it. If she ever dared to correct someone’s impression of her, her mother would stalk off in a huff.

         Once she was married and had kids of her own, she did not much care what her mother’s reaction would be. Especially once she started telling lies about the grandchildren. Of course she would, because she had done it to her nieces and nephews. One was a world class dancer, there was a doctor, and a writer. In truth, those particular three, were a retail worker, a fishing guide, and in prison. When grandma began to weave stories about the younger kids, Alison would set them straight immediately. She was not going to have her kids confused about who they were and where they came from. That was awfully boring according to her mother.

         She was never content to let anyone in the family live their lives. She wanted to try to make everyone a star or very important or famous in some way. To the point that she would try to write papers for classes because yours were not good enough. This grandmother even went back to school herself when it looked like no one would live her lies for her anymore. She graduated from college and told everyone she was a writer. The day after graduation, she went to work at McDonalds. That’s not a bad thing. Unless you have much higher aspirations for fame. She lasted a week. She then constantly asked Alison for research for her books she was writing. Despite the fact that Alison had a husband, two kids, and a full-time job. The book was the most important thing. Not important enough for her to learn how to use the internet for herself though.

         It wasn’t until Alison had a third child later in life, that it finally occurred to her that she was her own person. Nothing catastrophic would happen if she said no to her mother. Yes, mom would throw a fit and a monster guilt trip on her, but the sky would not actually fall. Police would not come to arrest her. The rest of the family would not stop talking to her. Life, in fact, would go on. With a huge weight off her shoulders, actually. The amount of freedom she felt when she just stopped answering the phone was phenomenal. When she did answer for her mom, she would get the “what have I ever done but love you and give you everything,” speech.

         To Alison, the most hilarious part of coming to her senses, was that her mother kept lying. She didn’t realize, never having learned to use the internet, that her daughter could look up anything she told her. The woman had once told her that had danced with a particular ballet company in France. As it turned out, that company had disbanded before her mother was even born. When she pointed this out, she was told with complete confidence that the article was wrong. Not that maybe she got the name wrong or something like that, it was absolutely wrong. They didn’t know what they were talking about.

         Alison would sit in wonder sometimes at the person who her mother thought she was. Believed wholeheartedly and unequivocally. When the woman died, she only cried for the mother she wished she had had. What a whole other world opened up for her when she didn’t have to worry about calls or having to drop everything for her. She started to go out on fun errands and take her time rather than going in and out as quickly as possible in case mom found some other sucker to take her out. She didn’t have to go out on Memorial Day anymore if she didn’t want to. She did like going to the cemeteries, but when everyone else went, and not just so that everyone would see that she had been there, and been there first. Movies and ballets were a thing to do again. She had stopped going because mother always expected to go too.

         Reading, shopping, going to her kids’ functions became enjoyable again because she didn’t have to be pre-embarrassed about what might be said to person who didn’t know the lady was crazy. Completely guilt free living was easy to get used to. So much damage had already been done that the family was already fractured in places. But what Alison had learned from this whole experience is that family is not everything and it’s ok if not everyone gets along enough to be in the same room, ever.

         The lessons opened up by taking one DNA test, turned to be life changing. They are these; Peace is yours; you just have to claim it. Whatever your family raises you to be and believe, does not have to be what you are or what you keep believing. Family is not everything. It’s a huge piece, but not if it comes at the expense of who you are. Your mental health is the number one thing you should focus on, for you and everyone you care about. Finding out who you are is a huge weight off your shoulders. Everyone should go out and do it.