Trials and Tribulations

Dear Diary, 

Day One 

I know I haven’t written in a pretty long time, but I’m gonna write more because that is kind of part of my new years goal! Today is the first and my main goal is to eat healthier and workout more. I definitely need to workout and actually stick to it this time lol! I want to do this because I’m not gonna lie, I've been wanting this for a long time and I haven’t put enough effort into it. My friends all eat super healthy and workout and are just super on top of things and that’s what I want. So the plan is to plan out my meals, stop eating before I’m overly full and find a nice workout plan and STICK WITH IT. Big part of the plan in case you haven’t noticed. Anyway I’ll let you know how it goes and what workout I decide to do but today’s meals are going to be avocado toast for breakfast, a nice chicken caesar salad for lunch and California rolls for dinner which I absolutely love!! Adios. 

• Sol 

Dear Diary, 

Day Two 

Yesterday actually went really well! I’m in a little bit of pain from the workout but it feels good! I had a smoothie bowl for breakfast, and now I'm just drawing and I thought I’d write a little. I’m gonna talk a little bit about my school life and friends. I have four close friends, and about five guy friends (I know that kinda sounds pick-me, but I’m not, I swear). I wouldn’t really say I have a “best friend” but that’s ok I guess. I kinda like one of my friends though, his name is Kai, he has brown wavy hair and gorgeous green eyes, but I’m pretty sure he likes my friend Eva. Also Eva just broke up with her boyfriend, yay, go her, he was not treating her well at all. Ok gtg bye! 

• Sol 

Dear Diary, 

Day Fifteen 

I haven’t given up yet! Kind of crazy to believe, but it’s true! Anyway some stuff has happened recently. First off my dog died which was really hard on me because he was my first dogg and we were super close. I thought I would give up on the challenge but I ended up sticking it through. Honestly having this challenge helped me get through that, even though I didn’t want to do it. It was just a time when I could clear my head and focus on my goals. I am getting a therapist soon because my parents said I have seemed sad recently, which yeah, that’s true and there’s other stuff going on, so we’ll see if that helps. Kai has been ignoring me, it seems, but maybe that’s just me overreacting. Ok, well I have homework to do so bye.  

Dear Diary, 

Day Eighteen 

Uggghhh, I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do this, remind me why I decided to do this challenge. I mean I want the results not the process, but that defeats the point. Anyway the therapist is NOT helping literally anything, in fact she’s making it worse but my parents don’t seem to believe me so I keep going back. Like yesterday, I was talking to her about how I’m a little insecure and that’s why I started this workout , etc., etc. and she goes “yeah I can see why you would want to work out, you should have started a long time ago” like I’m sorry what?!? But my parents don’t think it’s a big deal so whatever. 

Dear Diary, 

Day Twenty One

Soo, Eva just asked Kai out right in front of me knowing I liked him and he said yes. He did kind of glance at me though, while he answered because he knows I like him and I guess maybe didn’t want to make me sad? Afterwards I kind of got mad at Eva about asking him out just to make me jealous and she started yelling at me and calling me a baby, so I went off on her about all the things she's done to make me feel invisible and excluded. She told me she was gonna ditch me and have all of our friends go with her, including Kai, which makes sense I guess since they’re dating now. Ew, I still can’t picture them together. We’ll see if that works or not tomorrow though. About the month-long challenge, I'm getting close to giving up, I haven’t noticed any changes and the only thing keeping me going is that I’m still really insecure and I’m sick of it. If I’m being completely honest, I was also kind of doing this to impress Kai and that definitely didn’t work. Time for therapy, ugh. 

Dear Diary, 

Day Twenty Two 

This is gonna be really short but they did all ditch me, literally every single one of them which really hurts. I was expecting one or two of them to stay but nope. I did hear that Eva is spreading rumors about me now too, so that’s just spectacular. I start my new job in a couple days at a fitness center with the hopes that it will help me to be more motivated to keep this challenge going. Bye. 

Dear Diary,

Day Twenty Four 

As if my life couldn’t possibly get any worse, the therapist flirted with me in a really weird way. He was this new therapist, an assistant or something and he’s like 20, so not that old, but still super weird. He goes, “hey pretty baby, I’ve been waiting for your appointment all day, I couldn’t wait to meet you. Your main therapist Sophia has told me so much about you and I just had to see for myself”. Ew, ew, ew. I was disgusted but just kinda smiled and ignored it. Oh, and I found out that Eva works at my new job. Yipee. It has been helping me to stay on top of my workout plan which is really nice, the owner actually helped me develop a new one and I’m finally seeing results! Also apparently there’s this new kid starting tomorrow so we’ll see how that goes. 

• Sol 

Dear Diary,

Day Twenty Five 

Okay, this is gonna be short and sweet but the new kid is a girl and she’s super sweet and pretty and I love her so much. She sat next to me and we started talking a lot and I got her number. Her name is Melody and she’s 17 just like me. We both want to go to the University of Hawaii at Manoa. She wants to study Psychology and I want to study Marine biology and biological oceanography. I’m so excited and can’t wait to have somebody to go to college with! She also said she’ll help me stick to my plan and help me with it, which makes me super happy. She told me not to give up hope and she’s there if I need her, (I might’ve told her a lot of what happened) I can be over trusting sometimes but hopefully it doesn’t come back to bite me. Ok, bye! 

Dear Diary, 

Day Twenty Eight 

OH MY GOD, so much happened today, first off super grateful for Melody, she helped me get the guts to finally tell my mom about what’s been going on at therapy so she took me out of it and kinda went off on the therapist which was really funny. Also, I may or may not have gotten in a fist fight with Eva. She was saying stuff like, “oh, I’m glad you finally got a friend, wait no I’m not, but you know she’ll probably ditch you soon too, I mean who wouldn’t? I’m so glad I did”. She then proceeded to walk away with her friends laughing, but I caught some more words under her breath about how Melody is such a people pleaser, blah, blah, blah and I went up to her and might’ve gotten a little angry but oh well, “Look, Eva you can talk behind my back, whatever, we’re not friends anymore and I know you would even when we were friends so honestly probably for the best, but don’t come at Melody, I mean you don’t even know her!” We proceeded to keep yelling at each other and then she punched me so I punched her back. Maybe overreacting but whatever. Afterward Melody told me she’s never had somebody stand up for her like that, and that made it all worth it.

Dear Diary 

Day Thirty One 

I can’t believe this is the last day of the challenge I set for myself! It has honestly made me feel so much better about myself and I noticed some really great changes. It also helped me make some pretty important decisions in a way! I’ve gone through so much this month and sometimes having a distraction or goal for yourself to do is really nice. My mom and I got a lot closer and I’m really glad for that because she’s the only close family I have left and I don’t want to waste my time with her, especially since I’m going to college soon. It has been a rollercoaster, but I think I want to keep this up because I feel great! While some of the stuff that happened was sad, I guess those things are just the trials and tribulations of being a teenager and hopefully it just goes up from here. 

• Sol ♥️