Conversations

Conversations

Sebastian

“I really want to ask her out,” I said.  

“Yeah, I just don’t think she’s that into you.” McLean had a way with words.

“Seriously? That seems a bit harsh doesn’t it?” My therapist had told me not to listen to him. I was a slow learner.

“Yeah, seriously. She never seems that interested, at least as far as I can see. I think she’s more into Steve.”

“But Steve has a girlfriend.” I wasn’t going to let it go that easily.

“And yet she doesn’t know that. Look, her eyes light up and she smiles every time Steve comes around. Haven’t you noticed? He makes her smile.”

 McLean had a point. I had indeed noticed.

“You may be right,” I conceded.

“I’m always right.”

McLean can be a real jerk, I thought.

*****

Kirralee

“Sebastian’s incredible. I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel so … so … alive.” It sounded so cliché that it made me blush.

“I feel like there’s an ‘And yet’ coming? Does he seem to feel the same way?”

Kirralee dropped her chin into her hand.

“He doesn’t,” I said. “I’ve tried getting to know Steve, I know he’s close with Steve. I don’t feel nervous around Steve so I end up laughing with him while Sebastian seems to be focused on his phone.”

“Do you think it’s your weight?” Michelle asked.

“My weight? Do you think it could be?”

“I don’t want to be rude, but you have put on a bit lately.”

“I know. It’s been a difficult time. I just haven’t been able to work out since the injury.” I ran my hand gently over the long scar that ran along the outer side of my knee.

“Well, what can I say. Sounds like a lack of commitment to me.”

“I guess. I need to try harder.” I felt the lump rising in my throat.

My therapist had told me that Michelle was a bad influence. I was trying not to let her bring me down. It wasn’t working this week.

“Sorry, just trying to help you figure out why he’s not paying you any attention. You’re the one who raised it.”

*****

Sebastian

“She’s absolutely beautiful,” I said. 

“She really is. She’s gorgeous. I mean, absolutely gorgeous. She’s what every guy wants. But, honestly?” McLean raised both eyebrows.

“What?”

“She’s out of your league.”

“Maybe. But you never know. You never know unless you try.”

“Go ahead bro, humiliate yourself. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m here for you, ok?”

“Yeah, I know. I just want to say something but sometimes I struggle knowing what to say to her. I end up looking down at my phone while she and Steve flirt together.”

“You can be a little socially awkward.”

“You can be a jerk too, McLean. Do you realize that?”

“It’s not intentional. I’m just trying to help. There’s no shame in being socially awkward. Lots of people are like that. You’re not unique. It’s just something you’ll have to live with. But you’d have to agree, it’s not helping you with Kirralee. She’s absolutely amazing and every guy in the world is going to want her. It’s tough competition.”

“I know. But I’m in love. I’m absolutely in love. I’ve never met someone who makes me feel this way. I’m absolutely, madly, insanely, in-love.”

“But is she? That’s the real question. Does she even notice you, if you know what I mean. She’s not exactly hurting for masculine attention, is she?”

He had a fair point, I conceded.

*****

Kirralee

“He checks every box. I mean, he’s literally everything I want!” I clutched my necklace and held it to my lips, biting gently on the gold.  “I wouldn’t share this with many people but when I talk with him, my heart honestly aches with love.”

“He is amazing. I totally agree with that,” Michelle said. For a brief moment, I wondered if she was going to say something constructive. “Of course, I imagine a lot of girls think that. It’s not like there are that many guys as amazing as Sebastian! And all of them are taken, it seems.”

“Yeah, true. Every girl I know thinks he’s great.”

“Exactly. I don’t want to upset you, but you do need to have realistic expectations.”

“And what are realistic expectations? I mean, what exactly are you trying to say? He’s out of my league?”

“Well, you said it, not me. But honestly …?” Michelle shrugged her shoulders.

“Honestly what?”

“Honestly, I think it’s a long shot and I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s all. Come on Kirralee, you know if he rejects you, you’re going to fall apart. Sebastian can have any girl he wants. Any time. I mean, do you really want to set yourself up for failure? You know how much that will hurt, right?”

“I know. But deep down I’m a princess. I’m hoping for the fairytale ending.”

“Sister, there’s a reason it’s called a fairytale.”

*****

Sebastian

“Well, I did it!” I said. “I asked her out.”

“And?” McLean’s face was deadpan.

“And she said ‘yes.’ This Saturday. An early dinner, then the basketball game. She loves basketball.”

“So, do you think she’s going for you or for the free basketball ticket?”

 “Maybe a bit of both,” I said.

“Hmmm. What are you going to wear?”

“Haven’t thought much about it. Jeans, shirt, I guess.”

“Bro, Kirralee isn’t a jeans and shirt girl! This is a serious princess. You’re going to have to do better. Well, I mean, do better, but only if you want to impress her.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

*****

Kirralee

“So, he asked me out! Lunch on Saturday, followed by basketball.” I could hear my own heartbeat.

“You? You don’t even like basketball. Can you fake enthusiasm for an entire game?” said Michelle.

“I’m going for Sebastian, not the basketball!”

“What on earth will you wear?”

“Jeans and my black top. The tight one.”

“The one that makes you look fat?”

“Do you ever say anything positive?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to be helpful. Ultimately, I’m worried about you. Is it possible he’s not really interested in something serious? He’s just looking for a fling?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

*****

Sebastian and Kirralee

“I had the most amazing evening,” she said.

She brushed her hair back behind her ear. Her diamond studded earrings caught the light of the moon.

Sebastian smiled, savoring the moment. He wasn’t quite sure which he enjoyed more – looking into those deep brown eyes, or inhaling the gentle fragrance of her perfume.

“I did too. You’re really amazing, you know?”

She looked at her feet, a slight smile crinkling the edges of her eyes.

“I enjoyed the game too,” she said.

Sebastian laughed.

“You’re not really a basketball fan, are you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Sebastian could tell she was feigning shock and he laughed again.

“That’s perfectly ok. I appreciate you saying yes to the game, even if basketball isn’t your thing.”

“It wasn’t a hard decision,” she said.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I’ve been trying to get your attention for months!”

“Really?”

“You need to pay more attention!” She put her hand on his shoulder and leaned forward, her chin tilted up, eyes locked on Sebastian.

Sebastian leaned forward and gently kissed her.

*****

Kirralee and Sebastian

The kiss sent electric waves through her body. She longed with all her heart to stay in this moment forever. It ended too soon.

She stared into his eyes, wondering what he was thinking.

“Did you honestly not realize I was interested in you? Or did you really just not notice me?”

“Not notice you?” he said, his eyebrows raised. “How could I not notice you? You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

“Really?” It was her turn to be shocked. “You don’t think I’m fat?”

“Fat? You have to be kidding me. You’ve got the perfect figure.”

Kirralee could feel the heat in her cheeks.

“I think I’m in love with you,” she said.

“Think?”

Her heart skipped.

“No, no, that’s not what I mean. I’ve really fallen for you and it’s all happening so fast.”

He smiled.

“Just kidding,” he said.

Kirralee sighed.

“I thought I’d actually upset you for a moment.”

“Nah, not me. And by the way, I’m falling hard for you too,” he said. His voice was lower and he gently stoked her hair. “You really don’t know how much I wanted to ask you out. For the longest time.”

“I didn’t know,” she said. “Not at all. Or perhaps I could see, but I denied it. My therapist says I’m good at self-criticism and self-doubt.”

She watched him for a moment, then she began worrying. Was that too much personal information? Too much, too early? Perhaps I’m scaring him away.

“Does that sound weird?” she asked.

Sebastian shook his head but didn’t say anything. In the distance, Kirralee heard sirens wailing.

“I see a therapist,” she began again. “She’s been teaching me not to listen to that inner voice.”

“You shouldn’t,” said Sebastian.

“I’m trying. Actually, my therapist told me to name my negative inner voice so I can separate that voice from me.”

“OK, so what’s her name?”

“I call her Michelle.” Kirralee sat watching Sebastian, waiting. He seemed distant, like he was somewhere else.

“You think that’s weird, don’t you?”

“No,” he said. “Not at all.”

“Not even a little?”

“Not even a little. I have the same problem. I call mine McLean. But this time, I’m really done listening to him.”

He leaned over and she melted into his kiss.

“McLean was totally wrong about you,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Well, that’s ok because Michelle was totally wrong about you too.”