The Other Girl

Dear Journal,

I did everything I could. I was everything he ever asked for. I stayed up 'til midnight, keeping watch for his arrival home. I told him I loved him in a thousand ways, excepting my words. I cherished his deepest secrets as if they were my own. His passions became mine, and my eyes only saw him. My mind only thought of him. He was the very breath in my lungs. The very essence of my being. His smile was my sunshine, his eyes were my stars. His voice was the equivalent of a lark's song, his tears the rain that wet the soil of my heart. I was the moon, he was the earth. Even the smallest blade of grass reminded me of him, just one hint of his cologne caused my heart to sing. Every time I heard his footsteps approach, they sounded a chorus of jubilee in my heart. Oh, I ever so longed for him, with every fiber within me. He was the rare gem, waiting to be discovered under miles of coal. He was the lone daisy in a field of dandelions. He was the only sweetness to the bitter gray of life. And yet, despite my love, obsession, nay, even desperation for his affection, his eyes overlooked me.

A girl, a girl who had all possessions ever asked for, all beauty endowed, all sweetness in her voice, caught his eye. She captured his heart with her sparkling eyes, rose colored lips, and flowing brunette locks. Her dress continually pleased even the most critical eye, her manner the same. I could never say she was evil, her manner was so kind, and yet, she would hardly miss my boy if he were to leave her. He was whisked away by her splendor, though she only saw him as a moth attracted to a lantern at night. He was just another planet orbiting 'round the sun. Though he was a man with money, and I suppose that is the only thing that allowed for my horrible fate.

He plans to wed her, and I am the one he seeks for advice. My shattered heart I try to mask behind a smile as his eyes sparkle at her mention. I console him in his doubts: how could he deserve such a wonderful gift? I assure him there is nothing ever wanting in his manner, in his tone. His eyes never lack the clever sparkle that made women fall in love with men. His riches surpass the fair maiden's, and his charm surpasses that of his peers. I remind him of all this sincerely, longing to tell him of the secret burning through my soul. Oh, how I wish he could see the tear stained pillows, feel my desperation as I watch the couple dance from my corner of the ballroom. Oh, my heart! I fear it cannot withstand the despair it faces! For not only do I suffer, I suffer alone, my very closest friend's heart occupied by the maiden. I long to seek comfort by staring into his eyes, confessing my sorrow to him late at night. But never could I ruin his blissful romance, never could I allow myself to create an adversary out of the lovely maiden. But my soul! My soul! How long have you awaited? How many a time have you taken up his affairs as your own! How many late nights have you offered him an ear as he spilled out his heart before you! Oh, lovely maiden, you will never understand true loyalty! You will never understand the yearning of a soul as it reaches for a fruit just above its reach! You will never understand the despair when one realizes their love is snatched from their reach! Oh, how I pray against bitterness of my heart, but I fear it may turn to stone. For how can a woman so apathetic to his heart ever achieve his affections? I fear he is blind to my sacrifices made, my dreams set aside, my tears cried for his troubles! I would love him his whole life, if only he would see me! He would never have want, never have need! Our children would esteem him in the highest light. Love, sweet love, would never dwindle in our home, and all of his dreams would come to pass at my bidding! Oh! I would move the heavens to make him smile, if that is what he wished! Yet, here he is, selling his life to a woman so enviously beautiful, yet without a care for his desires! My fear is that he will attempt to make her happy, yet never achieve her approval. I dare not pray for this to happen, though in the deepest part of me, do I sense a longing for it? For him to taste the bitter sorrow of unnoticed affection?

Oh, my soul, be comforted in this one thing! Perhaps there are others such as wonderful as he, though I could never imagine meeting such a man! Perhaps, there is one who will return my sentiments, exemplify such dedication as my own, bear my tears as I bear his! Oh, my soul! Oh, my soul! Give up on this worthless pursuit!

Alas, as my mind may try to convince my heart of this irrationality: loving someone who never noticed me, my heart screams out from my chest! I love him, there will never be another who I esteem as much as him! If only I could find the words to voice the ache... no, the chasm in my soul! For I cannot be comforted, even with the soundest of logic! For as I shut my eyes, I see his face! As I open them, I see his portraits! I smell his cologne, I hear his melodious laugh! But oh, my soul, oh my soul, he is gone from my reach, alas! Where now do I find comfort? For I know I shall hear the wedding bells chime, I shall prepare their home for their arrival that night! I know I shall suffer through the celebration of their matrimony! He will never be my lover, and when all is finished, he will hardly be my friend! Yet, I have a hope that he may come to notice me! Perhaps, the night before his wedding, his heart will awaken and desire me! But my soul, you must ignore that glimmer of hope! Turn away before it haunts you, acknowledge there is no possibility of his returned affections! Oh, please, help me bear it Lord! For I fear I cannot!

Caressing the yellowed paper, Elizabeth leaned back and pondered her love for this once captivating man. With a faint chuckle, she recalled the desperation for this young man who was so undeserving of any of her tears. Closing the journal, she whispered to herself, "My dear, young self, please hold onto the wisest part of this entry. There was a man far more wonderful waiting for you, one who did return the sentiment. And he is still by your side today, allowing you to chase even the wildest of dreams."