Second Plan

November 2021

That night... I casually went out to a bar for a drink, I ordered a beer, not my favorite bar but I switch bars every once in a while to increase my chances with girls.

I'm looking around and I don't see too much of a chance and I also need to mention that I suck at this.

I took a few sips, enjoying my beer and it wasn't long before a lady wearing a cowgirl hat approached me from my right and asked if the seat was available.

I said "Yes, it's all yours".

Usually this is the part where I begin to overthink, I think I'm pretty good at analyzing the situation after I'm in it, but at the moment I have no idea what to say.

But this time it actually went really easy, I didn't want to lose the chance so I started talking to her right away. I asked what she was drinking and from there the conversation became fluent.

We smiled at each other and it appeared that both of us were pleased to have someone to talk to and not being lonely for a change.

I told her that I just moved to Philadelphia and I live near here and I'm working from home.

She was impressed and curious and wanted to hear more about my story, how did I move here and why I chose specifically Philadelphia.

The conversation flowed smoothly with no uncomfortable pauses. I felt like it was going really well, that she might be into me as well.

I asked if she lives nearby, she said she came from New York to participate a running race.

I felt like getting a bit drunk with her and make her laugh and have fun together but as the conversation kept going it seems like she took control of it and talked most of the time, It was getting boring for me.

After a certain point she didn't really have enough time because she had to prepare for the race.

She took her cellphone and said

"Let's take a photo together!"

I said "OK" and we both smiled and had a selfie.

She said "Cool, let me send you that photo, what’s your phone number?"

I gave her the number then I received the photo with her phone number.

Then she was sorry that she had to leave soon but she told me to send her a message because she was curious about my story and she left.

But I didn't send her a message after that night.

First, I was so confused, who's doing this trick of taking a photo and shoving a number into my cellphone?

At this point I just thought that she's a hacker and the only thought in my mind was "Don't click on that photo it's a bait".

Second, I didn't find her attractive so I guess the first one doesn't even matter.

As I made my way home from the bar, I couldn't help but smile. This was one of my first nights out in this city and already it had been a success.

I thought to myself that if I’ll just keep trying, everything will turn out alright and I'd be sure to meet a nice girl.

Winter was getting close

November...

December...

January...

February...

I'm not a fan of the winter season, there were days I barely left home because it was freezing outside.

During this period, I was focusing on my career as a web developer, learned as much as I could at work until winter was over.

I wish I could just find a nice girl to laugh with, cuddle, watch movies, try out different restaurants, take a hike at the park… all the things that couples usually do.

I was far from that, I wasn't even able to get a date.

I mentioned before that I suck at this, let me tell you about one chance that I had with an old lady.

winter was over, it was a fine day in summer time, I went to this bar around 6 PM, still light outside, I noticed this lady and she’s constantly staring in my direction.

I thought she was interested, I overthought again and it was taking me a too long to make a move.

Eventually, I broke the silence and asked her what she was drinking.

Great start, she answered and after that I came up with a stupid line.

"Isn't it too early for that drink?"

I was trying to make a joke but I clearly killed the vibe.

I think I made her uncomfortable and we didn't speak after that.

But still, I wasn't really attracted to her.

For almost a year, I lived in Philadelphia. My career was great and my boss liked me. As I watched my annual income almost approaching six figures, I felt proud of what I had accomplished. Whenever I was bored, I turned to self-improvement, either learning new things or improving skills like chess, sports or even brushing up on my English language skills.

The only thing that was missing in my life was a lovely lady. I had no acquaintances here, having moved from another country alone. I was feeling isolated and becoming uninterested. why is it so hard to meet people?

Every now and then I spoke with my family over the phone. my twin sister suggested that I try out some dating apps. She said she had a friend who found someone through one of them and I thought to myself "Yeah.. they got lucky" but I didn't tell her that because she tend to believe only to her side so I didn't want to start a debate.

I tried the dating apps and I hated it, people install it, delete it then they reinstall it.. and write in the description "I don't know what I'm doing here".

then they delete it.. then they try another app..

it's like a loop but eventually you'll ditch it, it's a waste of time.

As I explore the city, I come across Kelly Drive that runs along the Schuylkill River. It's an idyllic and peaceful spot for walking, jogging, cycling or just relaxing on the grass. There were others taking a hike while some trained with rowing boats on the river. Everywhere I looked there was a sense of tranquility and relaxation in the air.

Living on your own can be difficult and not everyone is able to handle it. Some people would rather go back to being close with their family or friends.

When you find yourself alone, you tend to have a newfound appreciation for the little things in life that are usually forgotten in the hustle and bustle of our day-to-day lives, things like..

- How do we know how to speak?

- Where words come from?

- Who decided how to spell or pronounce it?

- What would it take to generate power again if there is a worldwide catastrophic blackout?

But I'm pretty good at living by myself so far.

I don't let the boredom hurt my feelings or causing me do weird things. I promised myself no matter what, I'll have to stay reasonable and responsible and if nothing works out there's got to be a second plan.

Everything is great in terms of me paying the bills, I'm responsible and organized, I cook, I do laundry, I keep my apartment clean and tidy. Thinking maybe one day that lovely lady will show up in my apartment after a lovely night together.

I keep having this vision of me and that lady, both filled with laughter, our hands clasped around glasses of red wine. We exchange stories, thoughts and histories until we're feeling tipsy.

But it's just something I can dream about.

May...

June...

July...

August...

The peak of summer has come and work is awesome, my work is super flexible and I’m only working few hours a day, very relaxing, that gives me plenty of free time to do what I like.

I routinely go for rides with my road bicycles during the summer.

As I ride, I keep my mind busy with many thoughts.

I look at couples and I wonder how they met? because apparently I can't even meet 1 person in this country. When I go out to bars, most of the times I see only boys, when I walk next to restaurants there are always lovebirds, yet, I have no idea where they find each other.

It's like I'm living in a world all by myself, like I’m the only real person and everyone else is just a character playing out some scripted role. Nobody wants to connect, it’s all fake and boring.

I keep riding and I see girls walking in that Kelly Drive path, when I spot a cute one I imagine how it would be like to take her out on a date.

I'm thinking a lot in my head, I don't think of starting talking to them but if I would I think of what line I should open with.

People here are polite, but cold.

I can start with a line and it seems like they aren’t interested.

If that’s how I feel how can I approach a girl and start a conversation?

Also, how come I still see couples walking together, hanging out, having fun, obviously they can do it.. is it just me?

I'm unable to pinpoint exactly what I'm doing wrong. Sometimes it's as if the opportunity is staring me in the face, but I don't know what to do or say in response. Watching TV shows and observing actors, everything seems so effortless and flawless.

I remember a conversations with my sister, I told her..

"You know, it's not that easy..."

She asked about the dating apps, how did it go and I tried to explain how usually it works.

I Said..

"When you're using these dating apps you would like girls that won’t reply to you and you won’t reply to girls that would like you, that's real life"

and she didn't get it, she thought I was wrong, she said something like "That's not real life, that's a sad life"

But that's really what it is and I don't need apps to approve it.

Put 10 girls in a room with 10 boys, do you think they will all match up?

Nope.. that's why I said usually it's like that but when it's not.. it's a match.

I tend to be more realistic and my sister sometimes doesn't see it as a good thing, she's not the only one... she's more optimistic.

But what do you expect me to do? it's not like I'm not trying, it's just not working, you know life isn't that simple…

September…

October…

November…

I’m celebrating a year in Philadelphia by myself.

I’m not sure if I like this city or not, I’m sure if I met that lovely lady I would love this city from every angle, you know how it works, if I was in love I would look at homeless with a smile and share 5 dollars happily.

Speaking of homeless, they are so many of them where I live, there is one homeless with that baseball cap and big beard that I always see on 16^th and Chestnut street and I keep sharing change with him, sometimes I give him food, he’s thankful, sometimes he see me in the street and I feel like he’s looking at me with that look of

“I wonder why this dude always helping me…”

Not all homeless people are good people but just by looking at this homeless I know he’s a nice guy and I always want to ask them what’s their story, how did they end up homeless but I never do.

Many people will ignore homeless people, some would say why to help them or they should get a job but it’s not simple as that. I assume they would love to get a job but nobody will hire them.

It’s not really my job to help them but I understand their position. they are in the lowest position fighting for their life, surviving as if they will make it tomorrow, that’s really sad, I wish I could help them more.

Thinking now about my life…

It’s still November and I’m trying to find something new to keep me busy.

I decided to look for running races nearby.

I found that Rocky Run race which is based on 'Rocky' movies.

The website looked very legit and fun so I signed up for the 5K race, then I realized I have only 1 week to train and I never participated a race like that before.

I ran about 2K almost every day before the race to get use to it.

...Long story short, another achievement that I’m proud of, I finished the 5K in 28:45 minutes.

I knew I could do better but for a start I was very pleased with that score.

This decision of signing up for a race was a good one, I wanted something to keep me busy in the winter while I’m trying to figure out the journey of this lovely lady.

It did keep me busy, I can say that it changed my life style a bit, I kept training and improving my score and felt better.

December…

January…

February…

March…

March, 2023.

I’m celebrating 1 year at work and I’m feeling a bit lucky about it.

work was recently tough, I’ve been getting complicated tasks and the communication was really bad.

It was so complicated that 1 time I got a warning about not being able to complete tasks with deadlines.

A month passed and I began to feel like I had earned back my position again.

But again I felt on the chat at work that they don’t like me anymore, I asked questions about the tasks and I verified things to be 100% sure about what needs to be done and they were getting tired of it.

I saw a random scheduled meeting in my calendar with one of the managers and one from HR and I realized that I’m about the get fired.

I felt awful, I was so mad that I didn’t really care about the meetings anymore.

Nobody told me that I’m fired but I felt like it’s coming.

The next meetings that we had I didn’t even say a word, because what’s the point.. nothing matters anymore, I don’t need to improve myself, it’s a dead end.

The meeting day has arrived and…

I got fired.

Oh crap, I don’t have a job, I don’t have a girl.. what the hell I’m supposed to do now?

I sent to more than 300 places my resume at the same weekend.

Finding a job now was the same as finding a girl.

I was bored without a girl but with both, can you imagine?

I kept sending my resume like I’m not giving up but the competition was impossible.

Google, Amazon and Microsoft fired recently at least 1000 employees, each of them.

What are my chances to find a job now? These developers are crazy experienced and geeks like freaking Einstein.

I gave up sending more resumes…

This second plan that I mentioned before, I think was getting closer more to this idea.

If I can’t get a job at least I can still go out to bars and have fun, maybe I’ll find that lady.

I found a new bar that looked like a great place. The menu looked amazing and the serving girls were excellent bartenders. I ordered champagne to celebrate my unemployment.

Nothing special in terms of opportunities for me that night but I kept visiting this bar from time to time, I had nothing else to do.

The next time I went out to that bar, it was a bit late and almost empty. There was an old guy on the bar to my right few seats away, a young couple on the other side of the bar and a girl few seats next to them. I didn’t see any opportunities here so at least I ordered something to eat.

I’m drinking my champagne, enjoying the moment… looking around and trying to find opportunities that I missed and behind that girl on the bar I see a lovely Asian lady, sitting in a booth by herself and having a drink.

I thought to wait and give it some time, maybe she’s waiting for someone, I wait for my meal to arrive and then I check back again. I see no one around her and I thought that’s my opportunity.

I saw she’s taking photos of the place and ordering dessert so I thought, wow, maybe she’s really bored and waiting for someone to make a move.

I’m not afraid to go and ask her, I just know what’s the outcome.

So this time I wasn’t thinking too much and I just went for it.

She wasn’t sitting in the bar, she was sitting in the tables area and I had to cross the entire bar to go to her, it was a quiet move, I went all the way to her and I said.

“Excuse me, I see you’re here by yourself and I thought maybe you would like to join me for a drink?”

She said

“Sorry…”

She meant No and I went casually to the restroom like nothing happened.

Yep.. I surely know the outcome, at least I tried.

---

Unsuccessful year.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but I know it’s time for a change.

It’s time to start that second plan.