Ozzie

OZZIE

By, A.L. Shilling

**

Ozzie furiously typed out a message on their phone. It was time to let the world know exactly how they felt. They had been silent for too long. If Ozzie didn’t speak now, they would likely never be able to again. There was so much to say, but a sentence or two would have to do. But it had to be perfect. Their message had to reach as many people as possible and it had to be absolutely clear. There could be no room for doubt. 

They deleted the message they were about to send, deciding at the last second that the expletives weren’t necessary. They needed to be diplomatic about this. Ozzie’s hands shook and they took a deep breath to calm down.

“What are you doing, Oz?”

Ozzie jumped and quickly stowed their phone in their pocket before their friend Link could see what it was they were doing. 

“Nothing,” Ozzie said quickly. 

Link squinted his eyes, but didn’t press them. “Can you at least tell me where you went in such a hurry?”

Ozzie spread their hands and smirked. “Right here,” they said. 

Link turned in a circle. “Why did you come to the Quad, exactly? I thought you were all, ‘Screw the patriarchy. This is the most obvious display of cis-ignorance I’ve ever seen’ and junk.” 

Ozzie sighed deeply and pressed their hand to their phone with the half-typed, unsent message burning a hole in their pocket. “I am screw the patriarchy and it is the most obvious display of cis-ignorance that I have ever seen. I mean, look at that statue and tell me you don’t see it.” They adopted a deep voice and said, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” They jumped onto the table and pointed down at Link. “Now go make baby prodigies to become future donors that will continue to promote the heteronormative rhetoric that we firmly believe in.”

Link laughed and saluted Ozzie. “Get down from there before you land us both in detention.”

Ozzie rolled their eyes. “Would that be so bad?” they muttered. “I doubt the swim team will miss me.” 

With an audible scoff, Link shoved Ozzie hard, causing them to stumble back into the bench and sit down hard. “Bruise my butt and I really won’t be able to swim.” 

“If you don’t swim tonight, we don’t move up in the rankings, you don’t go to state, and you know it.”

It was Ozzie's turn to squint at Link. “You’ll have my back?” they asked him.

“Oz,” Link said fiercely, his hands gripping Ozzie’s shoulders. “I will always have your back.”

Ozzie gave their friend a small smile and nodded, remembering their last swim meet. Ozzie was tough; they had to be. And they felt incredibly blessed to have a team that had been by their side the entire season and they had no doubt that their teammates would continue to support them, but they were not naive. They knew how hard it was on the guys to have Ozzie as a teammate. 

Ozzie had tried so hard to make it as easy as possible on the guys. They did their best not to draw attention to themselves at away meets, foregoing their nail polish and wearing only the team warmups and uniform. Their only adage being the full body suit rather than the bottoms-only uniform that the rest of the guys wore.

As a junior, most of the teams that they regularly swam against knew Ozzie and either respected them for their speed or hated them for beating them. Their ridicule was borne of jealousy and Ozzie was largely deaf to their bigotry. 

“Rise above,” their auntie said every time Ozzie came home in a rage at the latest homophobic jeer that they had been forced to endure after winning their heat again and again. 

And Ozzie did. They rose above the ignorance and kept their mouth shut until they were safely within the walls of their favorite place on earth; their auntie’s house. Their mom had kicked them out as soon as they’d told her that they were no longer comfortable calling themselves a boy. That was not who they were and at 14 years old, it was long past time to be honest with their family. If it wasn’t for their Auntie June and the swim team, they’d likely be dead. Real talk. 

Auntie June had taught them how to pick out clothes that made them feel good about themselves; she’d advocated for a gender neutral bathroom at school; and most importantly, she’d had a conversation with their swim coach about the changes that would now be necessary to support Ozzie and their wellbeing. 

Ozzie often wondered, if they weren’t so fast, would Coach have been willing to put in the work to meet Ozzie where they were? It was an unanswerable question that Ozzie would have to learn to let go of or it would drive them mad. 

Last week’s meet had been against Trinity, the huge private school that was considered untouchable for years. Some of their kids drove for almost an hour each way just to attend the prestigious school. They dominated in every sport, including swimming, until Ozzie came along and out swam the best of them nearly every time they got in the pool.

Until last week. Enter Nathan. Senior. Moved here with his family from The Big Apple. What they were doing here in Nowhere, Florida was a mystery that Ozzie didn’t care to solve. Nathan was practically chiseled from a Roman statue. He was gorgeous - Ozzie wasn’t blind, but he had the heart of a snake and the mouth to prove it. 

Ozzie and Nathan were neck and neck until the final turn when Ozzie was kicked in the head just as they were pushing off from the wall. They’d come up just briefly to reorient themself, but it was just long enough to lose them the precious lead they’d fought hard for. Ozzie came in second, having made up the time by swimming for their life, but when they’d tried to protest the results, the official had claimed that he hadn’t seen anything. Ozzie had seen the look in his eyes too many times before. They knew the official was lying, but Ozzie also knew that to fight this was to risk their entire team’s standings. 

The injustice was infuriating, but Ozzie swallowed their anger and accepted second place. Ozzie was glad that Auntie June wasn’t in the stands that day because when they told her what had happened, she threatened to go to Trinity’s school board and get gorgeous-Roman-statue-Nathan suspended for unsportsmanlike conduct. Ozzie had only barely managed to talk her out of it. They wanted to fight their own battles. In the pool. Where they would beat Nathan’s beautiful ass in a fair meet once and for all. 

Tonight’s meet, however, was against the last place team, the Mighty Eagles of Bum-frick Milton. These kids were scrappy, but they were undisciplined, due mainly to their notoriously alcoholic and openly obstinate Bible-thumper of a coach. 

Ozzie’s Coach had intervened the one and only time they had swam against each other in the past and had actively fought against their ever competing again, but the meet tonight was unavoidable. Rumor had it that the coach had turned over a new leaf and was regularly attending AA meetings. The team had clawed their way up the rankings and thus, the Eagles and Panthers would meet again in just a few hours.

“Earth to Ozzie,” Link said, waving his hands in front of Ozzie’s face. 

“Sorry, man,” Ozzie said, rubbing their face to rid themself of all the memories they’d just relived. “Walk me to my car, handsome Prince?” They fluttered their eyes and put their hands under their chin. 

Link laughed long and hard. “Only ‘cause you’re giving me a ride home,” he said, pulling Ozzie to their feet. 

A catcall sounded from somewhere behind them and Ozzie rolled their eyes. 

“Ignore him,” Link said through gritted teeth, but he flipped the whistler off nonetheless. 

“Get a room,” the asshole shouted and a round of laughter sounded from the group around him.

Ozzie turned to see who it was, but they didn’t need to. They knew who it was. 

“What would your dad think of the makeout sesh we had behind the gym yesterday, Jerry?” Ozzie shouted back at him.

Jerry spluttered as his friends laughed all the harder, shoving him toward Ozzie and Link. He fought them off and turned around, heading toward his car. 

“You know Jerry’s dating Jefferson’s daughter, right?” Link said in a low voice. “You shouldn’t antagonize him. It might get back to him and we need you for states.” 

“What do I care if the principal finds out that his daughter’s boyfriend is a closeted homosexual?” Ozzie shouted the last word, but it didn’t carry any further than the end of the Quad. 

Link’s mouth popped open and he stared wide-eyed at Ozzie. “Wait. Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack,” Ozzie said and walked toward their own car.

“Is he a good kisser?” Link asked as soon as he’d caught up to Ozzie. 

Ozzie waited until they’d closed their car doors before answering. “I wouldn’t know,” they said honestly. “I made that up. But I’ve seen the way he looks at Sean. I’m not his type, but Sean definitely is.” Ozzie waggled their eyebrows suggestively.

Link laughed until tears were rolling down his face. Ozzie smirked and drove to Auntie June’s house. 

“Hi, babydoll,” Auntie June said as soon as the front door closed behind Link and Ozzie. “Lincoln Rhymes, as I live and breathe. How’s your mama doin, sugar?”

“She’s good, Auntie June,” Link said, his cheeks reddening at the sound of his full name. “She sends her love.”

“You send it right on back, ya hear?” she told him.

“Yes ma’am.” 

They sat down at the kitchen counter, watching Auntie June finish dinner. 

Ozzie finally took his phone out of his pocket and stared at the half-finished and hastily-typed message. 

My name is Ozzie Blackwood. I am not your son. I am not your daughter. I am them. I am every person that has ever felt uncomfortable in their own skin. I am every person that refuses to be defined by… 

Ozzie couldn’t remember what they were trying to say. They remembered the catalyst that had finally prompted them to make their stand, but the right words still eluded them. 

“Auntie June,” they said tentatively.

“Yes, child,” she said with a small frown of concern.

“What’s it been like to raise me?” they asked her.

She clicked her tongue, and Ozzie saw out of the corner of their eye, Link turn to face them full on, just as interested to hear her answer their question.

“A blessing, child,” she said, but when Ozzie made to protest, she held up her hand and they closed their mouth. “This town ain’t exactly been welcoming to kids like you, I know that.” Ozzie nodded. “But I believe that if you have the strength to be who you are, then the very least I can do is support you and love on you and show you that there are good people in this world that will accept you for you, exactly the way you want to be.”

“Here, here,” Link said, raising his glass of sweet tea.

Ozzie let out a breath of a laugh.

“What’s troubling you, child?” Auntie June asked, leaning her elbows on the counter to look at Ozzie full on.

Ozzie sighed. “It’s black history month, right?” 

Auntie June nodded. “Is that school of yours teaching you all about your ancestors that came before you?”

Ozzie nodded. “But when I brought up Gladys Bentley and Bayard Rustin, Ms. Ross politely told me that we wouldn’t be discussing those kinds of people.” 

Auntie June shook her head, muttering “Lord give me strength.” 

“Rustin organized the March on Washington for goodness sake. I didn’t see the harm in asking,” Ozzie reasoned. They chanced a glance at Link, who’d been there when it’d happened. But Link had been half-asleep and likely daydreaming of Hainsley Berkshire. Had he even realized what their teacher had implied?

“Who are they?” Link asked innocently. 

Ozzie threw up their hands. “See! This is what I’m talking about,” they practically shouted. “I’m one of the only black kids in the entire school and if I can’t learn about some of the most important influencers of this century, then what’s the point? We learn all about MLK and Rosa Parks and Obama and even Emmett Till, but where are the black warriors for queer equality? Why can’t we learn about Gladys Bentley? Because she had the audacity to wear a tuxedo? Is Bayard Rustin banished from the history books because he dared to have sex with men?” Ozzie knew they were getting passionate, but they couldn’t help it. 

“I’d wanna learn,” Link whispered. 

Ozzie laughed. “You hate history,” they told him.

“Well, yeah,” Link said. “But if they’ll help me understand how you got your courage, then I’m all in, Oz.” 

Ozzie’s eyes welled up against their will and they swallowed hard. Ozzie put away their phone, opened their laptop and said, “Then let me show you.”

The end.