Jimmy and Dev

Jimmy did not have many friends. After he graduated from college, he broke up with his girlfriend and started hanging out with this kid Zach who went to the Hyde School at the time Jimmy was there. Zach was in a friend group with a couple of other kids, Dev who did not work, Liam who was an exterminator, and Evan who was trying to become an EMT but was having a hard time passing the initial exam. Jimmy started hanging with this group, and in particular, Dev.

The Hyde School was that boarding school in Maine for kids who get in trouble in regular high school, or who have behavioral problems. Jimmy was a mess in high school, avoiding class because of panic attacks, having bad meltdowns at home leading to him punching holes in the wall with his lacrosse stick. He and his father argued (screamed at each other) every night. Doors slammed, father and son calling each other horrible names.

Insecure and fearful, Jimmy needed to latch on to something or someone. Dev became the go-to friend; Dev – the guy who did not work and never had any money. Jimmy spent some part of every day with Dev, the connection easing his anxiety about having friends, well his terrible anxiety about just plain living life.

Jimmy had ADHD. In kindergarten, the teacher had a behavior system that consisted of green light, yellow light, and red light. Almost every day, Jimmy ended up on a red light. The teacher did not like him, and his father was so angry at Jimmy for being on the red light so often, that one day when his father was picking him up at school, just as Jimmy was exiting the classroom door leading to the schoolyard, Jimmy’s father grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him away. Jimmy sobbed.

In middle school, Jimmy was bullied by a kid on the bus that called him names and threw his belongings out the window. He had reddish hair, and the kids were calling him Ginger. The school determined that this was a substantiated bullying event, and the kid was removed from the bus for good.

Once he was in the friend group with Zach and Dev, Jimmy had places to go in the evening, usually with Dev. And although Jimmy had been recently laid off from a job, his mother gave him spending money. She did not even care if he spent it on weed if he was hanging with these friends. His mother suspected he used money on beer and weed, but she did not know that every time he went out with Dev, he paid for Dev’s drinks. When they went camping, Jimmy bought all the food, beer and weed, he reserved the campsite with his mother’s money, drove his truck, and brought all the camping gear. Dev brought nothing, paid for nothing.

A couple of times, Jimmy, Dev and the gang, together with a few girls, rented a VRBO for a weekend. Jimmy always paid for the VRBO. Maybe he got a few dollars here and there from some of the kids but generally, those so-called friends, well especially Dev, took bad advantage of Jimmy. His mother insisted that the other guys pay their own way with Venmo reimbursements to Jimmy, but he was lucky if he got even ten percent reimbursed.

Because his parents were so relieved that jimmy had this friend, Dev, they agreed to pay for Dev’s airfare and expenses to go to Florida with Jimmy. The guys were going to stay at the family’s condo on Siesta Key with Jimmy’s brother and his girlfriend. Dev gladly went on the trip. Why not? He paid for nothing. The guys went out for drinks and Jimmy’s brother ended up paying for drinks every night because Jimmy had no money either except for the spending money his parents gave him, and if he could get his brother to pay, then he would not have to use all his money. As usual, Jimmy’s brother resented this and after the trip, Jimmy’s brother’s girlfriend told Jimmy’s parents that she did not like Dev. He’s a user, she said.

Then one morning, Jimmy and Dev were about to leave on one of the VRBO trips, and the girls who were supposed to go, and Dev, told Jimmy they needed more money from him to get the house and the food and other stuff they needed. Jimmy got angry and left the garage where Dev was waiting at the passenger side of Jimmy’s truck.

What is going on? His mother asked.

Nothing.

What do you mean? Why are you so angry?

I am not going.

Do you need more money?

No, I don’t want it. They want more money now than they said I had to contribute. I’m not going.

His mother personified anxiety in moments like these. She did not want Jimmy to get hurt, but she urgently wanted him to go with his friends and have a good time. She didn’t even care if she and Jimmy were paying for everything.

Jimmy went back out to the garage, argued and negotiated with Dev and one of the girls going with them, and he was able to get them to accept sixty dollars more instead of the one hundred and twenty dollars they were trying to get from him. And then, to his mother’s relief, he went on the trip with them.

That Dev was using Jimmy was conveniently overlooked by his parents because they were so worried that he had no friends, or very few friends, and what kind of a social life was that for a young man just out of college. Sadly, it did not matter to them that Dev was a loser.

One day when Jimmy was at family therapy with his parents, his father asked him where Dev had been because he had not been around for a few weeks.

That’s something I was going to tell you about. Some things are changing with my friends.

What is changing? His mother asked.

Dev is mad at me and he’s not speaking to me.

What happened?

He wanted to go out with Cam, and he says I was criticizing him to Cam. I wasn’t and I tried to tell him, but he thinks I was. I’m still hanging out with Evan.

Jimmy’s mother could not contain her anxiety around this subject. For months, every time Jimmy did not go out for even just two evenings in a row, his mother asked him, Everything okay with your friends? Are you going out tonight? Have you heard from Dev or Evan?

Jimmy would scream at her, Yes!

Dev was not all bad. He visited Jimmy in the hospital when Jimmy broke his leg in the motorcycle accident, and he was polite and respectful to Jimmy’s parents, but the truth was that no one should have wanted Jimmy to hang out with Dev as his main friend.