Brotherly Advice

James had thought about bursting into his brother's Cabin, a small wooden thing that bathed in the winter sun at the end of the garden. He was full of excitement and hope…and something else, a funny, fluttering feeling that nestled itself atop his gut, but beneath his pounding heart. His head was awash too, a repeating message that had followed him home. 

She said yes!...So what do I do? 

Instead he approached the door, and with rhythm in his wrist, he knocked on the glass pane. 

“Yo, enter!” Came the reply. 

The wooden door wobbled on its hinges, having been almost fixed, and it shuddered as James pulled it fast from its frame, before having to try numerous times to shut it behind him. 

“Yeah, sorry dude, the wind ripped it from its hinges and I had to bodge it. It works though!” His tone was placated and calm, chilled from the burning joint that sat nestled between his fingers. “Pull up a pew!”

James chuckled to himself before pulling up a garden chair, now used as seating for any guests to the cabin. 

His brother David was much older, back living at home. He'd worked hard, climbed the career ladder, found someone special, moved out, had a life, got broken, moved back, got disillusioned with work and life, found someone even better to give him hope, all within the space of a decade. 

He'd had a roller coaster, but had always looked out for James, even when life was rotten for him, and he freely gave advice and guidance. 

“Sooooo…guess who has a date!” James said with a coy smile, he knew what was coming next. 

“Dude! Yes! Yes! My dude…that's excellent. I'm so pleased for you my man!” His arm shot up with fingers splayed, some would expect the handshake, but this was David. He clasped his brother's hand, pulled him in for a half hug, which resulted in both of them leaning out of their garden chairs with creaks and moans. 

As they both leant back James could see the smile from his older brother, a proper beam spread across his face causing his left side dimple to emerge, even through his well groomed beard. 

“Oh is it the girl from Halloween, your mate, the one who does DnD too?!” The slew of questions rolled out from his Mach-5 mouth. One after the other, like a stampede of chattering monkeys. It was his way of showing genuine interest. 

James chuckled again 

“Yeah it's her…”

“...Arwen.” “Arwen” they said it in unison. Once again, his brother clearly wanted to show him he cares, he listens. 

Another beaming smile spread across David's face. He'd taken great pride in his younger brother. He'd introduced him to games, to films, to pop culture. David didn't have an older brother to look up to, he didn't have a ‘full-time father figure’. He had to learn much himself, but insisted on passing everything he knew to his younger brother. Sometimes too much, but his heart was in the right place. 

“Oh dude I'm so pleased for you, so when is it? Where is it? What you doing?” His feet tapped on his rug, small poofs of Ash rising gently as he did so. This clearly reminded David of his now unlit joint, and he began sparking it as James answered the next batch of questions. 

“Well I dunno do I?!” came the reply with a playful smile and raised pitch “It's my first date eh, I've never done this before! We haven't even got a day, we've just agreed to go on one.” 

David clapped his hands in front of his face and began rubbing them excitedly. “OOooooOoo there's just so many options!” He leaned forwards from his rickety garden chair, and began counting them out on his fingers. 

“Crazy or mini golf is excellent, especially if she's a little competitive, you can chat, there's something to do, grab a bite to eat…” 

James was about to voice his thoughts when David's train of thought had already left the station. 

“Oh oh oh, you could do like, a big hike, round the cliffs. The sun's out at the moment. Then you stop and get an ice cream, cake or coffee. Again, lots to see and do…”

Arwen loved nature, fitting for someone named after one of Tolkein's elves, but the train blitzed past the station.

“You could go out for a meal, you don't have to go super expensive, nice, intimate or live and loudly, there's choices there, what food does she like?” 

The Brothers' conversation continued, as the sun traveled past the horizon, and the sunlight no longer lit the cabin. 

His brother groaned as he left his chair, taking two steps forward and reaching down towards the wall plug. With a quick click, the room lit up, bathed in warm white from the Christmas lights he'd repurposed as everyday lighting. 

Hundreds of little fairy lights illuminated the ceiling, showcasing the occasional spider. His brother left the ceiling space to them. David saw them as friends, as long as they respected his “Spider/Human Treaty 2022” he'd drafted up, but never managed to get notarised. 

“Have you kissed her yet?” David asked blunty, Jame’s face clearly gave away the answer of no, and his brother was quick to explain his reasoning. “I know you and your mates have started having the occasional weekend brewski.” 

Noticing his answer really didn't explain anything, David continued. “Moving from friends to more, it can be complicated…trust me, but if you get it right, there's no one better for you in this world.” 

This was what James really came for. His brother's words of wisdom. He was a fool most of the time, choosing to play the joker role, letting his mind run wild and his tongue ramble, but when he focussed, he had a simple wisdom and a wide view of our own tiny worlds. 

“If you've kissed before, you should let the next one happen again, because it will. If you haven't, save it for the right moment. It'll hit you. Either dropping her off, or saying good night. There'll be something. A hand touch. A glint in the eye. They'll lean into it like you will. You'll both feel when it's right.” 

Once again, David hit the flint on his lighter, and an orange glow bathed his face and hands. 

He would openly smoke in front of James, and he'd rarely slip him alcohol on special occasions, but he never let James have a drag. He'd always told him “When you're older. It's bad for brains, especially developing brains. Mine's already been cooked to pieces.” It was frustrating, but he understood. 

“So how do I not fuck it up? How do I keep it going? How do I not lose before I've won?” James didn't ask with fear in his voice, but it clearly resonated with his older brother. The faint whispers of worry that dart around the edges of your mind. 

David took a sigh, a drag, and leaned into his deep garden chair, with another rickety creek. 

“If I knew. Dude, the one thing I've learned is life is complex beyond belief. It's scary, but that's part of the fun. The loss you feel when you lose, that's part of the parcel. It helps you grow, learn and most importantly, it starts a healing process that makes you stronger than you'll ever imagine.” 

Another drag, but James watched as the tension left his brother's brow. 

“If you start out worrying about losing someone, you'll worry about it forever. Loss is a healing factor, the thing is it isn't perfect, it leaves scars, but even when you lose, someone can find you, who helps you accept them as part of you…”

There was silence besides the faint rush of wind through the trees, and the sizzle of David's smoke. 

“If you worry about losing them, you'll stop being yourself, and you could push them away. Don't be scared of life, or it'll push back. Embrace it, learn, live and let your path take you where you need to be.”

James had a confused look on his face. This was one of the many stops along David's main train tracks. The hippy, existential side that would come out when his brother was clearly passionate about something. 

“What are you on about?”

“Enjoy every second, be present, in the moment, and just enjoy the ride, younger brother. You'll thank me later.” 

With that the two chatted for a little while longer, about inane topics familiar to any siblings, before James decided to return to the house. There was actual plumbing away from the Cabin, which was now drenched in moonlight, but for its Christmas lights illuminating the small patch of land. 

Trudging across the grass, on a well trodden path, he took out his phone, and with a few taps of the screen, his journey began.