Freya 2.0

Freya 2.0

”I am done. I am so done. ”

Freya had lived her entire life hiding. Hiding behind a mask, too afraid to show her real self. I guess that is what the modern society does for many. There are all these norms how one should act, how one should live, how one should talk. Everything.

Freya  was 27-years old and she was sick of "trying to fit in" in order to be accepted and loved. Is it worth it to be accepted and loved, if it is not really YOU, whom others  are accepting and loving? They accept the version of you who "fits in", according to the society norms.

Freya had lived a pretty normal life, she had gone to the university, finished it with good grades and got a job where she had the possibility to move up the career ladder. She was working as a receptionist in a hotel. The job was nice, Freya did like meeting people, she did like meeting people from different countries, she did enjoy welcoming people, sharing them of her country. But, did she feel like she was the happiest she could be? No. It was nice, but that's it. Is that how life is suppose to be, you wake up, and you are 50% bored already before you start your day. Is that how you are suppose to spend your years on earth? Bored? Settling for something that doesn't really lit your heart on fire, make you excited, make you feel alive, that's what you should do? 

"NO!" Freya thought. 

"No, no, no!"

"I want to be a writer. I want to write stories, books, maybe stories that will turn into musicals, into theater, into movies. I want to be dressing up like I love my body! Why do I keep wearing these grey loose clothes that don't make me feel joy? Why? I want to feel joyful when I step out of the door!" 

Freya had watched "Sex and the City"-  tv show, and had Carrie Bradshaw in her mind while having these thoughts. She, Carrie, was a writer, a sex columnist, and in the show she always had these crazy outfits! 

"I want to be free like her. Enjoying life like her. Doing what I love. Not caring what others think. Having fun in life! Living bravely, dreaming big, reaching for the stars kind of life!".

"Oh shit" Freya realised something.

She had been dating a guy, lets call him Victor, for almost a year now. It was nice. She had some company. Company was nice. To share together, to make love, but. With the new attitude for her life, was Victor going to be part of it? 

"Does he make me feel alive?" 

"Do I LOVE him?"

"Oh shit."

Freya knew what the answers to these were. 

No. He did not suit into her new chapter. 

Change is difficult. Being used to one kind of life, knowing what is happening in life. Knowing what to expect, humans tend to like that. The mind, tends to like that. Knowing what is going to happen. But, when you really think about that, isn't that a bit boring? Knowing beforehand, what is happening? Is there any spontaneity then, any surprises; Good or bad? Living 100 years on earth knowing what is happening. Ugh. That sounds pretty awful. So, ask yourself: Which one is worse, getting uncomfortable when making changes in your life, changes that might be intimitading for you at first, but changes that are taking you towards the life you desire, or being comfortable in your current life, sticking to same habits and same life for years, even if it is not really serving you and making you the happiest you could be? Think about that. Which one do you choose?

Freya knew what she was choosing. The change. Freya was determined to change her life around. 

She decided to start with something pretty simple. Her clothes and other belongings.

"Marie Kondo, Marie Kondo. Think about her. If it doesn't bring me joy, it needs to go." - Freya talked to herself.

"Ouuh I had forgotten about this!" – She hold a dress she had worn once, ONCE, but she bought it years ago. 

"Okay, okay, it needs to go. Don't be sentimental Freya. Joy, joy joy, only those." - Freya was motivating herself to stay strong.

2 hours later she had 3 piles. 

One saying "Yes", one saying "I want to, maybe I don't need these but I want to" and last one for "No". 

"Fuck." - Freya thought for a second and then threw the 2nd pile into the "No" pile as well.

"Discipline. Discipline Freya."

"Okay. Clothes and my stuff done. What should I do then?" Freya thought.

She was going through all these "How to change your life" - methods in her mind and decided to use one.

"I should write a list of how I want to act, how I want to show up, what habits I want to have in my new life and what not. Yes. That's what I do. Everything seems more simple on paper than in your mind.” -  Freya talked to herself.

Freya managed to put a list of habits she did want to have, and list of habits she did not want to have.

"Well this doesn't look so bad."

"Now it is just to follow this."-  Freya thought.

---------------

It was monday afternoon. Freya was at her work, waiting for her boss to show up. She was going to quit. She had nice savings of money and thought it's now or never. 

"This job is not what I want. It is slowly killing my soul. Freya, be strong. Be strong, you can do this. You are cabable, you are cabable, you are cabable.."

"Oh Sheela!" Freya shouted, though not as strongly as she would have wanted. She felt fear and doubts filling her from inside.

"Ah maybe after lunch.. You shouldn't share bad news before food.." - Freya was convincing herself why she didn't try harder to catch her boss' attention. 

-       2 hours later and Freya still  hadn't shared the news. She was doubting.

"Maybe I shouldn't quit yet. Maybe I should just stay for a little while still.." 

20 minutes passed and Freya found herself  scrolling through instagram. She wanted inspiration. Something. A sign. 

She found herself scrolling through one friend's friend's account. She was a writer. Living in Paris. 

"PARIS. PARIS!!" Freya shouted out loud.

"What? What about Paris?" Maya, her colleague asked. 

Freya realised she had shouted that little bit too loud. 

"Oh, I am just checking, finding inspiration.."

"Inspiration for what?" Maya asked.

"For my life. I need some change! No, not SOME change, I need big changes, NOW!" Freya confessed.

"You want to go to Paris? I've heard it's amazing there.. You should definitely go for a holiday there!" – Mayatold.

"No, I want to move there. Yes. That's what I should do! I should move to Paris! Oh that will be perfect. I can write from there, I can eat croissants, oh there will be plenty of fashion! Paris! That is exactly what I need!" - Freya

"Oh wow Freya! That's big! Are you sure about that? What about this job, and Victor?" – Maya was stunned.  

"I know. I know, I know... But, you know what. Yesterday it just hit me. I am not happy. I am not me. Whole my life I have been hiding behind this mask. Being average. Doing what I have been told to do, what would be accepted, making "safe" choices.. I am tired of that shit! I am 27-years old and I feel like my soul is dying if I keep living this way! I can't, I can't, I can't. I NEED to make changes. Otherwise life is not worth living." - Freya shared passionately. 

"Wow, Freya. That was a full on motivational speak! Well, YES girl! DO IT! I'm cheering you! Go to Paris! Go be a writer, if that's what you want to do, THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!" - Maya cheered.

"FUCK YES! That's what I'm gonna do!" - Freya joined the cheer.

10 minutes later, Freya was staring at her laptop screen saying: ”Congratulations, your flights are booked to Paris! Your oneway flight is 5th of May” 

Freya started to smile. Then the smile turned into a laugh. A laugh turned into tears. Tears of joy. Tears of happiness. 

”I am ready. Bring on life, new Freya is born!” – Freya shouted.