Do i live or do i dream?

Lost. That’s how I feel…in this world of corruption and lies. I think of myself as peculiar but peculiar is only a word to describe this emptiness inside me and how I keep on searching for myself. Myself, now there is a topic to dwell on forever and ever Mom had told me, but now it seems the topic of myself is just a word and with no description to describe it I’m once again lost…

Each night I have these dreams these amazing yet most terrifying dreams and I don’t know how to describe it but if feels as if I’m more alive in my dreams than in reality.

If only I can escape the reality and live in my dreams with Scarlet, beautiful Scarlet ash blonde hair and sea blue eyes, but yet again I’m stuck in the reality as a daughter of a mother obsessed with fortune and glamour obsessed with all the vulgar and …….

“Emilia Laurent look at me when I’m talking to you. I said look at me.”

Speak of the devil and he appears and shows thy flesh out of thin air.

“Yes mother”

Mothers walking around in the dining room, the dining room are filled with red colours all around the candles are lit as if it is dark outside yet it is already 9 o’clock in the morning. Mother is wearing her normal attire a black dress with a purple scarf draped around her neck to impress. 

“Do not use that tone when you are speaking to me young lady and finish your breakfast for your father and I have planned something grant for you and the duke of Winterscotch this afternoon.”

O how could I forget the duke of Winterscotch, one of mothers attempt yet again to tame her wild spirited daughter.

“Mother I can simply not be there this afternoon I have arranged with Father that he and I will go out hunting this afternoon.”

“My dear you will do no such thing a lady SHOULD not hunt like a commoner nor less like her father who could not even put a few pigs for dinner on the table, no no that wont do you will see the Duke this afternoon and there is no argument about that.”

“But mom”

“No buts, eat your breakfast and I’ll run your bath so you can scrub that commoner stench off we don’t want the duke to remember only that.”

Well I neglected to say to you that my Mother was not the kindest person to be around and that she can destroy you with only one look, so I had no say in the matter whatsoever.

After breakfast was finished I dare glanced a second outside to the sea shore just to see the waves clashing and maybe see a sight of the ever beautiful day but I only looked and then my mother approached me again.

“What are you doing? You should be half finished by now move get a run won’t you; the duke ought to arrive any moment.”

As I sat in the bath I thought to myself. Why could everything just be a little less uptight why should I always jump when my mother says so and just as I was about to shed a tear I thought of Scarlet. The beautiful Scarlet with the lovely smile , the beautiful blonde hair and that cheekbone and as I am saying that I’m washing myself in places no one should utter touch so tenderly in this strict household I washed myself softly around my nipples careful not to make any sound and down my hand toward my thighs, just as things were about to get more heated up my mother knocked on the door to tell me the duke were there and that she was not at all pleased to let him wait although her tone suggested otherwise.

I quickly threw on a dress orange it was today for my mood was so that the colour orange was the only colour that suited it today.

Once I descended to the living room Mother was already chatting up a storm with duke Winterscotch. All I heard of the conversation was the following:

“O yes duke winterscotch your coat was rather grant that evening o my but you looked spectacular , just as handsome as always.”

Then I heard the laughter of sir Winterscotch. It echoed through the house like a wolf howl echoes through the forest.

It went through my spine and all I felt was coldness until the owner of the voice spoke.

“O the lady did finally arrive then, much to my dismay I was having a wonderful discussions with thy mother.”

My mother only looked at me with a scorched eyebrow already raised. I just lowered my head and looked down.

Sir Winterscotch walked out the door and I followed like a mouse after cheese. He walked all the way to the garden and I followed suit. All the time at the garden all Sir Winterscotch could talk about was my mother. I found it not strange at all for that morning I could sense a strong chemistry between them.

I just wished he stayed quiet when he started talking about my mother’s nice bums I couldn’t take the way he talked about my mother anymore as though she were a common slut. So I decided to slap him across his face.

I gasped.

He just look at me sternly grabbed my hand I told me:

“You do not raise your hand to me you common commoner.”

I struggled to get out of his grip and he didn’t want me to, so he decided to pull me close and smack a sloppy lustfull kiss on my lips. I moaned for this was the first time I got some relieve of my sexual tension.

“Like mother like daughter.” he smirked and laughed deeply.

I pulled away from his embrace and smacked him hard against the cheek. Then I ran. I ran all the way up to my room and locked myself in.

I could hear my mother and him talking downstairs and yelling about what a slut I am and how I am just like my mother and then everything felt silence I could hear moans from downstairs. I locked open my room walked downstairs and yelled.

“So you want me to marry him mother, but your fucking my fiancé.”

I ran all the way I can away from home.

For the night horrors only come to haunt those in peril.

The cats only come to trick those that wish to be tricked and the sorrow only come to fill you with emptiness deeper than you every felt.

There was no such thing as a true love there were hunger, but for me that was short lived, for I were to marry a bastard of a man. Rich he may be, but I don’t care I just yearned for true love.

As I the angels sensed my peril I was led to an abandoned building on the curb of West Street.

I ran inside the building thinking if the sheriff caught me I sure be dead for it was late in the night and I woman may not roam the streets. As I ran inside the building I heard the most beautiful voice ever heard. I looked in the direction of the voice and yet again as if the angels sensed my grief there stood the spitting image of Scarlet. 

I ran to her.

“Scarlet, scarlet.”

 She turned around and it was her. She reached for me and I ran into her arms in her warm embrace.

“Everything is going to be okay.”

She tells me and just as I start to believe it. I hear gunshots.

I were just about to look where the gunshots were coming from, but then I felt it. I felt the coldness and soon after Scarlet fell.

…..

Was it just a pigment of my imagination to finally feel like everything was going to be okay and then the earth warriors had to make sure I fell into this miserable state again? There are no light in this dark tunnel but a hollow feeling in my heart. I want to scream, but I can’t. It’s as if the words don’t dare to come out. I’m lost….. yet again.

There are no windows to escape this feeling no one to pull me out of it that I know of, until I hear a loud familiar laugh and a sly two face female voice.

“I know you’re out there, I will kill you.” I scream/cry.

First to make his appearance are Sir Winterscotch with a smirk yet again on his face.

“O the slut does indeed grow balls when someone dies, how sweet. If I can’t have you no one will. Your mine virgin.”

He pulls my mom out from behind him.

“Come you whore, go grab your pathetic excuse of a daughter.”

As my mother approach a million and one things go through my head. How long has this been going on? Where is dad? Is this every going to end? Am I just a person that everyone uses and abuse?

I decide no.

I want out and start running the same direction I came from. Just as I’m out of the building warm hands catch me and holds me gently.

It’s as if everything stands still, when I look into his eyes. I know this is my forever my happily ever after. My escape. 

“Come with me he instructs.”

Do I live or do I dream?