Doppelgänger

Luisa made her way up the escalators towards the shopping center and through the temporary grotto. Glistening globes hung everywhere. Silver icicles dangled from the vaulted ceiling; several meters high. They seemed to spin in time to the Christmas songs playing over the speakers. Last Christmas by Wham!

The day had gotten off to a rotten start. Luisa wasn't in the mood for Christmas crowds. Screaming little monsters hyped up on candy canes. But as usual she had left her Christmas shopping to the last minute. Besides, she needed to buy more concealer.

She woke that morning, head throbbing as she lay next to Jamie. She couldn't even remember going there the previous evening. The pounding in her skull was a constant reminder why. As usual she'd slipped into the bathroom to reapply her make-up before he woke up and saw her Frankenstein face. That’s when she discovered the tube was empty.

Luisa wasn't proud of herself, but the only thing she could think to do was leave before he woke up. She left a simple note on the kitchen table telling him she had an appointment and hadn't wanted to wake him.

Hannah, her house mate, would give her the usual lecture when she found out. Your scars are what make you beautiful and unique she had told her on more than one occasion.

It was Hannah that convinced her to talk to Jamie at the Students Union Bar. Actually, she had been the one to give her the courage in the form of several Tequilas. That was six months ago and now she'd fallen into a sad routine. Luisa would wake in the morning and look over to see Jamie's taut chest rising and falling next to her. She'd apply her make-up whilst trying to recall how she'd ended up in this Adonis's bed again. Usually to no avail. If he woke before she left, Jamie would ask her out for lunch. Or if she wanted to watch a film that evening. She always had an excuse of course. What was the point in getting close to him? He didn't know what was hiding beneath her mask and she could never imagine showing him.

A car accident two years earlier had resulted in hundreds of stitches. A patchwork of scars hidden behind her thick brown hair. A metal rod pinned her wrist together. She sustained a collapsed lung from the impact when the lorry driver crashed head on into her. Now, a pearly-pink scar that traced her jawline from ear to chin was the only visible trace of the accident. Her face had connected with the steering wheel, breaking her jaw and splitting the skin on impact. Luisa hadn't gotten behind the wheel since.

Hannah became her rock after the accident. She'd found the speciality concealer that would become Luisa's veil. Her crutch. Now Luisa wouldn't leave the house without it, until today of course. Fortunately, she'd managed to pull her scarf up high around her neck. The icy weather a welcome gift for once.

Hannah was the only one Luisa would allow to see her face naked. She wouldn't even allow her family to see. During her Christmas visit to her mother's, Luisa always applied her make-up before going downstairs. Partly, this was for herself. Mostly though, it was to save her mother, Annabelle, the pain of looking at her tarnished face. No mother relished a reminder that her only child had been dead for a full two minutes. In a coma for a week, and now forever damaged.

Luisa remembered her mother visiting her in the hospital. She watched her eyes trace the damage. The flood of maternal pain had been visible in her face. It was unbearable to watch, and Luisa had shouldered the blame for inflicting this on her. It was her reason for accepting Hannah’s offer of her spare room. She needed to escape the burden and the guilt.

Luisa bought two tubes of concealer from the make-up counter and headed straight to the ladies’ bathroom. She applied her mask then made her way to the perfume shop to buy her mother a present.

Annabelle was obsessed with mixing different perfumes together. As a result, she never smelled the same way twice. Luisa's father however, had always smelled of Old Spice. The smell had the power to transport her back to her childhood. A waft of the familiar spicy aroma signaled her father's safe return from the Fire Station.

It was Old Spice she smelled the day of the accident. Pinned in that metal coffin waiting for help. Her world intermittently turning black. Her Dad had been dead ten years by then, but she could smell him there with her as the Fire Service cut her from the wreck.

Luisa moved along the tester bottles, spraying them onto oblong pieces of card. Spray. Sniff. Spray. Sniff. The fumes had begun to make her head swim. A baby began to wail, prompting her to turn and look. That’s when she saw her. Beyond the screaming infant, the checkout queue snaked back and forth. A meandering corridor made of metal posts and red ribbon to keep people in line. Frustrated shoppers inched forward slowly; arms laden with gifts.

Two customers away from the till, a woman flicked her silky, chocolate curls over her shoulder. Luisa paused, transfixed. Why did she seem so familiar? The woman stepped up to take her turn at the counter, handed over her items and some sort of plastic card. Luisa was about to turn her attention back to the task at hand when the woman turned in her direction. Their eyes locked like magnets, for a moment rooting Luisa to the spot. Even from this distance she could see that the resemblance between the two of them ran deep.

Luisa instinctively took a step forward, breaking the spell. As she did so the woman flinched. A second later she grabbed her bag, dropped some notes on the counter and hurried off towards the exit.

Luisa ran past selves of toiletries and racks of clothes, dodging browsing shoppers and their brimming baskets. She came to a stop outside the glass doors and scanned the circling crowds for the fleeing woman, but she'd vanished.

Luisa leaned against the second-floor balcony catching her breath. She scoured the escalators delivering shoppers to different levels.

Luisa felt unnerved. What am I doing? Am I losing my mind? She looked a bit like Luisa, but a simple coincidence? Maybe she was seeing something that wasn't there. But then why had the woman fled? It almost felt like a personal insult. A rejection. But why?

''Miss Carmichael?'' A quiet voice called from behind. Luisa turned to find the cashier that had served the vanishing doppelgänger walking towards her.

''Yes?'' Luisa said, wondering how this stranger knew her name.

''You left without these. Merry Christmas.''

The cashier deposited some coins and a reward card in Luisa's hands and walked away. Luisa was about to follow the woman into the store to correct the mistake when the reward card caught her eye. Above the Barcode, in bold letters it said.

MISS LUISA CARMICHAEL

But how? She'd never had a reward card for this shop. Was it possible she and the other woman shared a name as well as a look? What were the odds? Yes, Luisa was a common Italian name, but in York, England? And combined with her father's Scottish surname. Unlikely.

Confused and shaken, Luisa made her way to the food court. She hadn't had anything to eat or drink and she felt her glucose levels plummeting. Maybe that's why she couldn't think straight. Perhaps she was hallucinating. She settled herself at one of the sticky plastic tables with her panini and espresso.

What was a logical explanation? She asked herself. Identity theft? Maybe this woman had seen Luisa somewhere before and noticed the similarities. She'd read stories in women's magazines about it. Should she report it to the police to be sure? It was improbable but not implausible. Something was wrong though. Before the woman ran, the look on her face didn't display guilt. It was something else. Fear was the closest way Luisa could define it.

She searched for another answer. One that clicked neatly into place. She found none. She swiped at her phone screen and dialed Hannah. Her voice of reason. After a moment she heard an automated voice.

''It has not been possible to connect your call...'' she hung up.

Luisa polished off her brunch and sat for a while fingering the plastic card, waiting for it to speak to her. She'd been glancing across the shopping center in the hope that the woman would return. That's when she saw it through the automatic doors and knew what she had to do.

CUSTOMER SERVICE DESK

Twenty minutes later Luisa finally reached the counter.

''How can I help you?'' asked the assistant.

''Can you tell me what information you have on record for me, please?'' Luisa held out the reward card. The woman looked at her a moment too long, seemingly unimpressed. Luisa couldn't blame her. The woman had probably been dealing with a growing queue of frustrated customers returning Christmas gifts for a plethora of legitimate reasons. Now there was Luisa, wasting her time.

''I'll need to see some photo ID before discussing personal information.''

Luisa pulled out the driving license she no longer needed and handed it over. The woman handed it back and entered the barcode number from the reward card into the computer.

''Okay, here we are. What information would you like to check Miss Carmichael?'

''The date of birth and address please.''

''Both match the information on your driving license. Do you need to update the address?'' she asked.

''No thank you. That's all.''

Luisa took the alien card and wandered out of the store deflated. She'd been sure her little stint as a detective would turn up some information that made sense. The identity thief's real address. A different date of birth. Proof that a woman coincidentally shared many of the traits that Luisa thought made her unique. What other explanation was there? It had even crossed her mind that she had an identical twin her mother had neglected to mention. But the name would be different. Besides, the address linked to the card had ruptured that far-fetched theory.

Even less in the mood for shopping than she had been to begin with, Luisa decided to head home and give the day up as a fail. She tried calling Hannah again while she waited for the bus and was reminded again that her call could not be connected. What is wrong with the bloody phones? She thought.

The hour-long bus ride always felt like an eternity. Every bump in the road. Every blast of a car horn. Every screech of the tyres made her body instinctively brace for impact. She popped her earbuds in and forced herself into a daydream.

What would her life be like if that lorry driver had taken a break from his long-distance journey? What if she could just accept herself and let people in? She realized Jamie hadn't messaged her as he usually did when she left without saying goodbye. She'd probably succeeded in pushing him too far this time.

The bus pulled into Luisa's street. She disembarked and made her way along the road to the terraced house she shared with Hannah. As she approached, she could see that Hannah must have been busy in her absence. Twinkling fairy lights lined the living room window and a huge red and gold wreath adorned the front door. In two years, all they'd had was a small LED Christmas tree from the bargain shop. Hannah was a Jehovah's Witness, so didn't celebrate, and Luisa could never be bothered. Perhaps Hannah was trying to cheer her up with some festivities. It's the kind of thing she did.

Luisa tried to slide her key into the front door lock, but it became wedged. She wiggled it free and tried again. She'd been meaning to oil the lock for a while but had never gotten around to it. She knocked, hoping Hannah was home, but there was no answer. A jolt of concern flooded her, thinking of the failed phone calls. She made her way down the road to the alleyway that lead to the back of the houses. Her step quickening, hoping desperately that there was some sign of Hannah. Thankfully, they had a key lock. One of those disguised as a rock with a code, designed to fool burglars.

She searched for the rock, but it was nowhere. She tried the back door and was surprised to find it was open, fueling her distress. With caution, she pushed the door open and entered their narrow kitchen.

Luisa froze. A few feet away stood the doppelgänger. Icy lightening shot from her neck, all the way down her spine as she faced the familiar stranger. Endless seconds passed until finally the woman spoke.

''I knew it wouldn't be long.''

''Who are you?'' Luisa tried to make herself taller.

''You know who I am.''

Luisa studied the woman, willing the solution to come. Willing Hannah to walk through the door safe. The doppelgänger's dark hair was now pulled back into a high ponytail, revealing the hereditary widow's peak in the maternal side of Luisa's family. The slightly upturned nose. Small round ears, lacking in lobes. Slight dimple in the chin. The woman shifted her head a little to the right, exposing her jaw.

Luisa raised her right hand and ran her finger down the raised scar tissue on her own face. The woman raised her left hand and replicated the gesture. Luisa's scar on the right, the other woman's on the left. Luisa's scar a secret, hers proudly framing her face.

Luisa's head began to swim, causing her to stumble backwards towards the living room. Her eyes flashed on the refrigerator as she passed. A magnetic photo of her and Jamie, smiling, scar visible. No?!

''I'd hoped you wouldn't come back.'' The woman followed her. ''But I knew you had to eventually. I didn't expect it quite yet, that's why I ran earlier. But, I'm ready now.''

''Ready for what?'' Luisa's breath was becoming increasingly shallow. An image flashed into the recesses of her mind. A distant, out of focus image, like a feeling of Déjà vu.

''To be whole again.''

''I don't understand.'' Luisa leaned against the dining room table, her eyes coming to rest on an open newspaper. The date. 19th December 2019. ''It's 2018.'' she whispered.

''No.''

Luisa's mind tried desperately to cling to reality. Foreign memories began to flood her senses.

''Where's Hannah?''

''She doesn't live here anymore.''

Luisa looked frantically around the room, searching. On the fireplace stood a digital photo frame. A picture of her face, smiling next to Jamie's, on a beach somewhere. A picture of her face smiling next to Hannah's. Hannah wore a silver tiara. A memory of wearing a lilac gown filtered in. Hannah. Married.

She felt the woman's proximity now, both watching the memories bleed into each other.

Floating in a parachute.

Snorkeling in turquoise waters.

She and Jamie, covered in paint, not far from where she was standing. She registered the change in decor for the first time. Dull magnolia turned to sunny yellow.

''I'm sorry. But I had to. I couldn't have done this with you around.'' The woman gestured to the changing images.

Luisa thought for a moment, letting the memories settle. ''You banished me.'' It wasn't an accusation but a realization.

''You were killing us. I couldn't heal. But I think I'm strong enough to take you back now.''

Luisa reached out for stability, but her legs had already given way. Once again, her world fell into darkness.

Luisa finally regained consciousness and managed to pull herself to her feet. She looked around to find she was alone. Her reflection in the mirror caught her peripheral vision and she turned to face herself.

She remembered...

Last Christmas. One year to the day. After she'd fled from Jamie, her face exposed. His demand to know more about her. To be close to her. For her to stop running from him.

She ran her fingers along her jawline once more, the left side. The other side. The woman's side. A platinum and diamond band glittered on her ring finger.

She remembered...

Banishing her dark thoughts. Putting them in an imaginary box. Dooming them to stay hidden until she could face them.

She remembered everything.

Finally.

She was whole again.