Overdosage

"I'm going to stop you there. If memory serves, you came over as my guest. I invited you here, a bit subtly, but nonetheless. So if you're going to sit here and let us yap away at each other for the next fucking 10 minutes or so, I think this should start with you. So I ask, why are you here?"

"Okay then. I'm here because my friend, David, over there is looking for a partner and he needs my support. Of course I've been introducing him to my friends, but they all just talk to him for his jokes. Of course, because he's The Funny Dude. Now while I've told him to be serious when asking a guy out, there's been no luck so far."

"See this? It's my eyes rolling. You're telling me you came to help a homosexual find another homosexual here?"

"That's not what I meant....but yeah. He's been nervous about it for a while and that's why he needs me by his side. You can't expect him to joke his way through everything, right. Even the most hilarious guy around's got dignity and losing it would turn his humor to spades."

"Now you're speaking English, Perry Ellis. So The Funny Dude, David was it, has a best friend and wants to climb the ladder, is that it? Seems like everybody's desperate for a confidant now."

"Name's Miles, and thank you for noticing my Red Blazer. I wear it to every party. Speaking of judgment, let's hear your cup, while I help myself to the one right here."

"Hm, you're way less apathetic than the others, by far these past few months. But if you want my glass of opinion---it's glass by the way---I think that 10 minutes seems like enough time to find a lonely girl and make a date. But instead, your friend seems to think that drinking 4 cups of beer in the first 5 is a better idea."

"Wait... have you been counting...what's wrong with David?"

"Do you need glasses? Your friend up there looks like he's going to stumble on the floor soon. He's going to 'evolve' from David Bowie to Keith Moon in a matter of minutes. I suggest you get back to him before the police come....or worse his parents."

"What’s wrong with Keith…what? No, I'm sure he'll be fine. I mean, if he's already dosed that much before this thing even starts, then he couldn't have had much luck without me."

"He's with you isn't he? Maybe he'd be much happier if his best friend was with him. There is such a thing as unhealthy humor, sorta like medicine. Overdose of drugs can lead to nausea, abuse, and even incrimination. The same can apply to humor and just about everything else that makes the world grin temporally."

"Know what else leads to incrimination: breaking the rules. Likewise, I see you're trying to slip away and avoid my question."

"Ah, I almost forgot. What was the question we were both exchanging?"

"Why are you here? I told you David needs me here, and I've come to succor his precarious esteem. Now's the time you give me your opinion."

"You said that already. But Nevertheless, I suppose I should tell you. I came here to see what Connor O'Mally and his new bitch Sara have decided to do with me out of the way. By the looks of it, their ecstatic behavior is probably a product of the joy they get from all the guests here, and the knowledge that their mere presence humiliates me."

"Wait. What's wrong with Connor and Sara. Sara's a nice girl, and Connor was a victim of an incident."

"I thought you wanted my glass of opinion, but now you interrupt me with a lie. I'd call that hypocrisy, but it so happens that this 'incident' may well relate to my purpose at this party. So I will now halt our little game, and ask you another question. What incident are you referring to, O delightful and enlightened one?"

"Hmm. Second thought, I'm not sure this is something you'd like to discuss with me, a guy who you just met five minutes ago."

"Observation and consideration are the qualities you seem to use the most. On the contrary, you are just the boy who I'd prefer to discuss this with. You're a very sponge-like guy and this accident that you know occurred 2 months ago has turned every one of my friends into strangers. You are by far the most verbal gent I've talked to since. Hence, what incident are you referring to?"

"I'm talking about that day in March. The 19th if I'm not mistaken was when Principal Sterling announced that Lorna Baker had brought with her a weapon."

"A 9mm Taurus Magnum was what it was. And I think it was his assistant that made it public, not him. Go on."

"And I also heard that Connor, her recent Ex-boyfriend, had found her hiding it in the soccer lockers and he claimed that the one and only Lorna Baker wanted to blow a hole through his head. 'Revenge for cheating' was the answer most gave when I asked about her motive. The rest of what I heard is speculative, but reputedly, her parents had no knowledge of this and like the school, accused her of Mens Rea. After Spring Break, I thought she was arrested, but then I learned she was suspended for a month and then allowed back."

"The worst part was the fact that Sterling decided to make an example of me by public announcement. Regardless, I am sorry to say that the rest of the evaluation is spiteful hearsay."

"How so. Did you actually kill someone."

"Hah. You treat this like some joke. Yes, juvenile murderers are granted a full pardon by the president himself and placed in lavish parties like these as gratitude. Well, this incident does concern me, but not in the way you’d think. Here’s something that may blow a littl’ daylight into your thick head. I was innocent!"

"....You're right, my head's too thick for that sobby shit."

"It's true Mr. Keen, long and lean. To prove it, I'll probably start with the dawn of Lorna Baker's downfall. It's freshman year of 83, by now I've made my way through my classes with a Gung-Ho zeal and charm, and now have become 'everyone's best friend'. All the jocks wanted me, but I decided that Connor was the least dull and figured he'd treat me with the best possible respect a boy could give a lady. I discover that he's crazy, unstable, I mean, forget what he looks like; this guy is Mr. Pervert Almighty. Sophomore year, I ran for Student Body and he's supportive, but not beyond slogans yet. When I become Vice President, soon all of High School wants to chat and date yours truly. But I don't let em."

"Why not, you're Lorna Baker, and there are probably other handsome looking guys out there. Why'd you pick the Devil in Disguise "

"Because despite his mediocrity, it wouldn't be fair to him. No one in this school shows popular girls privacy, but he's as close to respecting it as anyone. So I still don't let em, even when I become the unofficial Queen of Whitney High by the end of the year. Connor called me 'the cake everyone wants a piece of', which at the time sounded flattering and earnest. Then here's where the tale reaches its Battle of Midway. After 3 lazy Summer months of dating it with that giant, Connor asks me if I'm ready to be banged. No shit-coating on that. When I respectfully refuse, he's taken aback and our endearment is shaken, but our relationship was far from crumbling."

"What sent it over the ridge or rather sent you off the rails?"

"Sara McParker, that's what. Selfish bitch took everything that made me special, but I suppose there lies the irony."

"What irony?"

"You following? Sara McParker takes center stage, quite literally. By trumping Junior year election, she exposed to me what Student Body really was, a fucking popularity contest. My eyes were open to the allure of temporary pleasure and appraise, I even saw it in Connor. When he doesn't speak to me at all during Winter Break, I come back to ask him where the fuck he's been and he tells me, 'sorry cupcake'."

"So he dumped you basically?"

"Not yet, astonishingly. We had gone from going Steady to Sleazy in a mute fashion, but he still sat at my deflating lunch and traded his spit with me when he felt like it. My suspicion and worry not just for my reputation, but also my very soul and choices, climbed inversely. Then came 2 weeks before Spring Break. He comes to me and shoots me with the shit I hoped was not real: he wants to date Sara McParker."

"Wait a minute. You brought a gun to school to kill Connor, because he started liking another girl that was better than you? Connor's no saint but, that's just repulsive that you wanted to kill him. 

“Miles-”

“Another thing, he’s gone right. Now your chance to grab another jock. Maybe a respectable one this time. There are plenty of fellas that could give you a good time.” 

“Haha, let me finish.” 

“Another thing, who the hell would kill somebody at a school. Look, if you still had your finger around him a little, then you could’ve called him to a quiet park, or a warehouse. I mean, if you want to go psycho on a guy like that, do it somewhere quiet.” 

“....”

“Too far. Sorry. Continue,” 

"I don't need to hear your brassiness; it's lost its bitter flavor. You see, you're wrong, because Sara was not better. Sure she won the election and wore more mascara than was needed to upstage me, but she wasn't Queen of School yet. I was still better at sports and my grades were higher than her, and when everyone noticed this, our sponge-battle for the crown orbited a draw. Until she used her literal secret weapon on me. When Connor told me he 'loved' Sara, he asked me if I understood to which I bid him my adieu and stormed off. I knew our relationship was dust now, but I hoped that slap in the face woke some logic in him."

"So, where does Sara and the pistol fit into all of this? Surely you don't expect me to believe that was his and he planted it there?"

"You're not way off actually, Sherlock. When I was in the girls soccer room, I went to my locker and noticed my bag and everything in it was missing. When I went to Principal Sterling, the only official who was fond of me, there he was with Sara and my backpack on his desk with the 9mm. So...I lied before, the worst part was the fact that it could've been avoided had I personally handed the gun to Connor before. The shocking part was Sterling betraying me."

"What was she doing with your....Oh. That wasn't yours was it. Connor forgot he showed you his gun during a visit? What a way to frame someone. But how did she know which locker was yours?"

"How the fuck do you think? Took me a while to realize Connor himself forgot I returned his gun to his house, let alone remembers letting me borrow it. I thought it was cool, and I never intended to shoot anybody, but when Junior year's workload inflamed, I put it in his backpack the next chance I could. I guess that proves how easily he forgot me, showing it to his prettier, but admittedly, foxy bitch. And just like that, she single handedly made a School Break for a decent celebrity a rehabilitation period for a Psycho."

"You're not a Psycho, Lorna. Although, I probably don't need to ask you why they trusted Sara.”

“Thanks mommie.” 

“Do you keep insulting me just to amuse yourself.” 

“Yes. You’re by far the only non-self-serving kid I’ve met. That makes you an easy target.” 

“Is that to say that everyone else blindly likes Sara?” 

“Hm. A two-faced plausible frame of webbing the spider has spun. I got jealous of an aspiring newbie, and used my boyfriend's weapon out of twisted spite. Phew.”

“But....did Sara claim you were going to shoot her or Connor? Why didn't that make any difference? Why didn't you speak? We're still trial by jury here."

"It doesn't matter, whoever my 'target' was, the evidence was vectored at me. Plus...I think I can tell the truth to you if you've believed me thus far, I wanted it to happen. Even before my framing, I was sick of this glamorous mirage I wrapped myself in, and I wanted out. Connor's besmirched and defiled person gave that to me. It didn't hurt me that everyone despised me, even if they knew the truth. Any truly decent person would find the Queen of Whitney High to be hollow."

"Hm, Not unlike the barrels of that pistol."

"And that's the tale of tragedy. Don't try to bullshit me into clearing my name, Miles, even that's soiled by now. My parents call this whole ordeal 'abuse', which is both cynically and ironically accurate, I suppose. To think, none of this would've happened if I realized I didn't need to be a pretty little fool. But back to your question: why am I here. To answer that more contextually, I'm here because I like watching Connor and Sara and the rest of those leeches, prancing about in their exotic getups to enjoy themselves."

"Self-Torture!? Lorna, it doesn't matter what they think. You're still in school right, so at least your parents and Sterling have got enough aggressiveness to not criminalize. In just a mere 10 minutes, sitting here and playing this incentive game has made you a new friend. A real one. Plus, this new friend is beloved by many students, and is actual friends with the Funny Dude. Now that's an accomplishment you can never be ashamed of."

"Miles....I uh...thanks. Thanks for believing in me. Playing this game was fun and I know a lot more about myself from this whole experience. Know why, because I see you in me. I know that sounds just like the lovey-dovey shit that got me into this, but I like you."

""Hey Lorna, remember when I said I came here to protect my 'groggy confidant' as you called him?" She nodded. "It seems I haven't been telling the full truth either. When I saw you sitting in that corner during every lunch period, every time I saw you walk out of sight during dismissal, no ride in view...I was curious. I was curious to find out what became of the former Queen of Whitney and now that I have, I'd like to think I've gotten more than I bargained for. Hm-hm. So what do you say? Ready for something real?"

"Miles....I really like you. You're the most verbose person I've met since my Parents. But I think I'm going to settle for a daily glass of your opinion if that's okay. I drank one too many cups from all my former fans out there, and one...no two of them were toxic. High School Romance doesn't make a girl."

"That's cool. I always stick by you, Lorna. Just like I'll stick by The Funny Dude, wherever he is in this hotel. I wonder how many rounds he's got. I'd better go check because his parents imposed a 9:30 drinking curfew that I gotta uphold."

"Hm. Look at the rest of them. Enjoying their embezzlement and dancing the night away. I'd be surprised if Funny Dude hasn't gotten more luck than either of us. But I guess you can say watching them is like poisonous medicine, which admittedly are the same thing."

"Yeah I know you said that. Overdosage."