Thanks to his Dog

After a month in the hospital, it was odd to wake inside his own bed. Waking up in his house made the fact of his family being gone that more painful. Even with all the injuries crawling over his body, it was his soul and heart that caused him the most pain. As he lay in the bed, filled by the void left by his late Wife, he found himself dreading walking out into the rest of his house. But with his dog laying down staring at him, he knew it was time to get up and let him out.

The man laid there a few more heart beats before he managed to get out of bed to take his dog out. The dog was of a small breed – a thoroughbred – a Chihuahua raised to be his emotional support animal for anxiety and depression. The dog’s name was Dev. Dev’s fur was black besides his paws and belly which was a mix of white and brown. The man watched Dev as he was outside to make sure that he wouldn’t head off into the woods after some random animal.

Once Dev did his business, they hurried inside to get out of winter’s chill. Yet for the man, the emptiness of the house froze him more completely than any breath of winter ever could have. Looking around all he could see was the touch of his wife. From the décor to the OCD stimuli of where everything is placed. Even with most of it being things that they both liked; it was his wife that set up the house. Seeing everything that was so her, the man began to cry silently. Missing her and their kids was beyond words. Even with missing them being something normal for him, with the fifty plus hours he would normally work a week.

A month prior, on their way back from a late thanksgiving with her extended family, a drunk driver crossed the center line. Hitting them hard in the driver’s side front corner. The force of it crushed the corner and sent them spinning out of control. His wife died on impact, but it was the rollovers that broke both of their sons’ necks. The man can still hear his families’ last breaths leave them. Trying to comfort his master Dev jumped into the man’s lap for pets.

With tearful eyes, the man looked down at Dev and forced a grin. “You are very good at your job, ain’t you boy?” The man said as he started to pet his dog.

Dev just looked at him and licked away his tears as if to say, “it will be okay.”

Few moments passed while the man sat there and loved on Dev. Once the man felt calmer, he turned on the TV to find something to divert his mind away from the pain inside that was steadily slithering around grasping slices of his soul. As soon as he turned it on, the pain ripped his heart into pieces. Right on the home screen of the smart TV was a Live countdown to the new year.

Realizing that it was New Years Eve, reminded him it was also his wedding anniversary. It would have marked ten years. At the thought, his mind spiraled out of control. There were so many things they never had a chance to do together. And they will never be able to watch their boys grow up and have families of their own. The pain grew and grew – the pain overwhelmed – the pain choked him till he had a panic attack and passed out.

Dev, being concerned for his owner started to nudge him with his paws, then his snout. When that didn’t work, Dev started to lick the man’s face. After a few moments the man finally came to.

Looking around the man was confused about what had happened. Then he looked down at Dev and saw the concern in his eyes. That is when he realized he blacked out. He then pulled Dev close and gave him love. The man and Dev cuddled on the couch for some time while the man tried to play on his PlayStation. Games always helped his mind stay busy in the past. But this time, he was unable to focus on anything. For his mind was reliving the crash, over and over. Not being the first time he had to deal with a painful memory playing on repeat, he tried to just push past it. But this time, he couldn’t. No matter how many different games he tried. The memory was just too painful. Their screams ringing in his head. The feel of their car rolling. The icy chill of winter blowing in through the broken glass was just too much to ignore.

Hours ticked by, and he fell deeper and deeper into the pain. He decided he couldn’t keep going on. Before the New year, he will be no more. With sluggish movements the man got up off the couch and let Dev outside, but didn’t follow him out. He left the door opened so Dev could come in to get warm when he wanted to, but for the man he went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Then into his room for the medication that was supposed to help with anxiety. Now, it will help for sure. You can’t be anxious if you are no more.

He was sitting on his bed just about to take the rest of the bottle, which was nearly half full. When Dev jumped onto the bed and laid his head in the man’s lap. With tears in his eyes, he looked down at the only living thing he had left and realized he couldn’t do it. Someone had to take care of Dev. And if he was gone Dev would surely be left alone with no one to take care of him. At that point, he heard the TV screaming happy new year.  He smiled at Dev understanding that his dog had just saved his life.