Alone

 I am standing with a kitchen knife in my hand, which is all red with blood. I have committed a serious crime. Of murder. I don't know how I got to this point, how I lost control over myself. I am numb right now. Trying to feel my fingers, trying to feel the handle of the knife, just so that I can confirm it's a dream. I want it to be a dream. And to break my hopes, I listen to a loud honk. It came from the street, probably of a bike. But it was loud enough to break me out from the numbness. The knife was in my hand. And now, I can remember things. Things that I thought just randomly happened.

It's May 27th, maybe 28th I don't know. And who cares? Because I am enjoying the summer vacations. This day started like any other day. I woke up at 10, alone. I took a look around the room, there was not a single living being, except, ofcourse, me. I grabbed breakfast from the kitchen. Ate it, and took my leave. I walked past fourteen,no, maybe sixteen houses. Who cares? I saw Adi. He is my friend, not a good one or neither a close one. He is fair, he is taller than me, and has a birth-mark on his right cheek. And for now I need someone to be with. So, I walked up to him. I didn't expected….

Ahhhhh….. the blood is all drying. And it feels so weird. Is this how people in the movies feel? I don't know how they act so calm. I can't be like them, I'll have to wash this, before it becomes more than just a mess. I walked to the wash basin, opened the tap. The water seemed beautiful to me. I took some hand wash and washed up my hands. My t-shirt which was light blue was now torn and had big red spots. I didn't try to wash them. As I have seen in movies, people try to wash it and end up dirtier. And I don't want to become dirty. Now that I feel convenient again. I can go back to remembering things.

…….him to be happy when I saw him. He always seemed weird to me, whenever I see him he is alone. He doesn't talk to anyone. But when you start to talk to him, he is a normal guy. There's nothing weird or special about him. He is that guy, who is always there but no one cares about his presence. But it was his lucky day, I wanted to be with someone. I started by"Hey, where are you heading to?" "Just to the playground" he replied. I asked "But you don't like to play. Isn't that what you used to say?" His eyes, as dead as they were, became more lifeless. I didn't expect this simple question would make him sad. He said "I go there just to watch". He was alone too, maybe not only just today. But right now, he was. And so was I. So, I asked him "let's kill some time together"? He said "Yes".

I was walking with Adi to the playground, he was beside me, on the right. He seemed taller than other days. His left side seemed better to me than his right, his cheek looked more clean.We reached the playground, the gate of the entrance seemed more brown than before. It's a college ground. The college was closed years ago, but the ground was here and so were kids. We had to go inside through a broken wall, like all people.

Ahhh....not again, why is my stomach feeling  warm and wet? It's blood again!!. And, there is a cut in my stomach, I have no idea where I got it from or how I got it? My shirt though is ruined now. I don't think that it's a bigger problem than the cut. I'll have to find something to stop the bleeding, because all that blood is going in my abdomen area. And I don't like it a bit!!. Maybe, a scarf will do the job, all I have to do is to go and get one from the bedroom. I tied the scarf around my stomach, it sucked some blood and after a moment the bleeding stopped. So, where was I? 

Yeah. So, we both went through a broken wall, and into the playground. There were a lot of children. Playing games and being loud. Adi said "I'll be sitting on the stairs". I wasn't in a mood to play or be loud either. There were a lot of kids, I hate kinds, they cry for no reason, can't run, and they want someone to pick them up whenever they fall. So, I said to him "I'll be with you, at least we can talk". We headed to the sitting stairs, he was again on my right side, we sat there and looked down. There were three groups, playing different games. On the far right of the oval stadium the group was playing Cricket, without proper equipment and brains. In the middle, the group was playing Football, can't complain about this one. The last group on the left, was playing Badminton, in an open field.

I looked towards Adi, he was watching the middle group. I asked him "Why don't you play?" He said "It's easier to watch, than run and steal the ball from others, and I like sitting here. The wind feels great". Well, the wind really feels great here. It's kind of smooth and continuous on the face. I asked him "Don't you feel alone?" He said "It's far better than being with someone who doesn't want to listen". I don't know if he was right about this one. Most parents don't listen to their children, at least mine don't. Sometimes children don't listen to the parents, at least I don't. But neither they leave me or I leave them. I said to him "Maybe, you're right". I didn't want to agree with him, and I didn't think he was all wrong. We talked about stuff, and he wasn't boring or weird. He was just alone and never talked his heart out, and I got to know this Today. 

I left the playground around 1 P.M. It was too hot to sit there, and Adi was gone too. There were not many people there, So I left for home too. It took me 20 minutes to reach my house, I opened the gate. There were no voices coming, which felt odd to me. I opened the main door and went inside the house. No one was at home, it was dark in there. I had to hydrate myself so I didn't care, and went to the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator, took a bottle and drank some water then suddenly….

Wait, was that my aunt? Yeah. My aunt.  

Suddenly my aunt kicked me from the side, she came from the living room. I didn't have any idea of what happened, and she didn't stop. She grabbed my t-shirt and pulled me up. She put me on the table, her left hand went for the knife stand. I was just watching her, with my eyes wide open. I have seen her fighting with my mom many times, over simple stuff. But why would she go this far? I wanted to shout but the voice didn't come out. As if I were already asleep.

I knew I wasn't, I bit her hand, she let go of me. I rolled down on the other side. I took a glance at her face, her eyes were all red, and her teeth were grinding. I slapped myself, and got up. For a moment I felt like I was a Hero. I took a knife from the stand which she didn't like at all. She started to come towards me, I asked to stop. As if she would. She started to run, I was stuck, she pushed me. I fell and hit the refrigerator, she came to me and grabbed me by my throat with her left hand. I lost all my hopes, and started to panic, kicking relentlessly as if that a kick would hit her and she would let me go. Now, I was sitting, my hip on the ground and my back on the refrigerator. She was pulling me upwards, I panicked more, and started to swing my hand, and felt the knife. It was still in my hand, I grabbed it tightly, it was the most precious thing for me that moment. I stabbed her left arm. She let go of me, but swung the knife with her right arm, and cut my stomach. It was a pain to stand up. She was again coming for me, maybe for my head, or throat, or maybe my chest. 

I closed my eyes, it was the end. That is it, this my life. Or, may not? Yes. That is better. I opened my eyes, her face had only anger, but why? I don't know. I grabbed the knife from my both hands and pushed it forward. It went through her chest, right between her breasts. Her knife fell on my left shoulder and bounced to the floor. I pulled my knife out and she fell down. I grabbed the handle of the refrigerator and got up, on my feets, standing with a kitchen knife in my hand.