Staring at the World Through Shattered Rosy Glasses

“What about these?” Nikki’s mom said, as she grabbed a pair of glittery rose- colored sunglasses from the rack.

“Mom”, Nikki said, as a huge grin came over her face. “These are perfect!” 

“Yes, they are dear, perfect glasses for my perfect baby girl! Hard to believe you’re going into your first year of high school. “

As her mom paid for the glasses and they walked out of the convenience store, Nikki’s thoughts raced between being excited about starting her adventure at a new high school and leaving all her friends and surroundings that were familiar to her. She quickly tried to jilt the butterflies she felt inside. As long as I have my family I’ll be just fine, she thought. Nikki was the baby of 12, there were eight boys and four girls. Despite coming from a single-parent black family, Nikki had been fairly sheltered.  She had been extremely spoiled by her family, she had never encountered racism, nor had her family taught her what it was like to experience it. 

“Nikki, honey, ohhhh, Nikki, are you with me?” Nikki turned to look at her mom. “What did you say mom?” 

“Where were you just then?” Her mom asked. 

“I don't know, mom, thinking about the new school, I guess. I just hope I make friends and the new teachers are nice.”

“They will be dear. You are going to be great, and everyone is going to love you! How could they not?” 

“Yeah, I guess you're right”, she said as she looked out the car window. Although she still had a gnawing in the pit of her stomach of the unknown. 

“Good morning freshman class, welcome to St. Xavier high school, I’m Ethan James, your principal. I’d like to welcome all of you and introduce you to a student who is brand new to the entire St. Xavier school system. This is Nikki Hollowell, she came from Southern middle, and her brother is none other than Chris Hollowell, the all- around athletic star at Southern high.” The whole gymnasium stood and clapped, Nikki was shocked and also relieved for she just knew she would fit in at her new high school. Or so she thought….

Her first hour class was religion. Nikki had been raised in the catholic church, and enjoyed discussing the Bible however, the teachings mainly focused on the first four chapters of the New Testament, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Her teacher, Mrs. Carey asked her to come to the front of the room to read from the Bible. As she started to walk up, she began to hear a student make a beeping noise. Some of her classmates started to laugh. She was taken aback because she wasn't sure what was going on but inside, she did feel she was being made fun of. However, she tried to brush it off and began to read the bible verse. 

“Wow, you have a great speaking voice,” Mrs. Carey said to her. “Thanks” Nikki said, quietly.

As she walked back to her desk, a few of the students started making a beeping noise as she sat down. She gazed around the room and noticed classmates with their heads down who appeared to be laughing. Nikki was devastated. 

“How was your first day of high school baby girl,” her mom asked as she opened the car door to let her in.

Nikki shrugged her shoulders and said “it was fine” very dryly. 

Her mom put the car in park, “honey did something happen?” 

“Mom, '' I said, IT. WAS. FINE.”

There was complete silence as her mom drove them home. Nikki sat staring out the window. 

Her freshman year had been a real eye-opener. She started being more self-conscious of her appearance, especially her weight. She had always been into sports; she had played softball and ran track throughout her middle school years. She wasn’t fat by any means, she was quite shapely to be a teenager, but many of the girls at her new high school were rail thin. For that reason, some of her classmates had made awful comments that she was fat and towards the end of her freshman year she found out the beeping noise meant “wide load.” The only thing she enjoyed about her new high school was that she was learning a lot and the curriculum was more challenging than the public school she had attended. She especially enjoyed her Latin, Science, and English classes. Despite being bullied, she decided she wanted to give St. Xavier’s another year. 

During the summer prior to her sophomore year, Nikki started to hang out with a girl from class named Haley Blake, her family had come into quite a bit of money when their mother married an anesthesiologist she had been working for as a nurse. Being friends with Haley was a lot of fun, she talked about how poor they were growing up. She said her real dad couldn’t afford to buy them a pack of gum. Her mother had just recently married their stepfather, so wealth was new to them. As they started to hang out more, she also shared with Nikki that she wanted to have sex with black guys. She told her; white guys didn't really do anything for her. Haley began to lie to her parents and tell them she was staying overnight with Nikki or other classmates, instead, she was sneaking around to be with black guys from other high schools in their small town. As the summer drew to an end, Nikki tried to call Haley, but her phone just rang and rang which she thought was strange since Haley had her own personal phone line in her room. Weeks went by and still no word from Haley. Nikki started to get really concerned because it was as though Haley just vanished. 

On the first day of her sophomore year, Nikki walked into her English class and, lo and behold, there sat Haley with very bleach blonde hair. Nikki thought to herself, it looks terrible besides, she had always been a brunette and it was just a better look for her. Nikki immediately ran over to her desk,” hey girl! I’ve been calling you for weeks, is everything ok? Are you ok? Where have you been?”

“Hmmmm, I’ve been around, '' Haley said in a smart-ass tone without even looking up. Nikki stood at her desk for a few seconds then looked over and saw an empty desk a couple rows over from Haley. She headed over to sit down thinking, something is definitely wrong, but she wasn’t sure what or why. 

“Good morning class, their English teacher said. I’m going to call on some of you to stand and tell me about your summer”. As she looked around the room, her eyes settled on Nikki,” come up and share how your summer was, please.” As Nikki stood to speak, she heard Haley whisper “who cares.”

Nikki turned to face Haley,” excuse you, what did you say?” 

Without hesitation, Haley said loudly,” you heard me, you black bitch, I said who cares!” 

Nikki lunged at Haley and slapped her face. She grabbed her hair and Haley started to push her; Nikki hit her so hard she flew into some of the other students. Before Nikki knew it, she was being pulled out of the class by a force so strong it almost took her breath away. She was forcefully pushed down the hallway to the principal's office. Mr. James was a tall and intimidating presence, whom Nikki had never cared for. 

“Nikki, what is going on, '' he said. “Why are you and Haley fighting, I thought you were friends?” 

“So did I, Mr. James.”

“Well, I have called both of your mothers to come pick you up. I want you two to cool down and we will all discuss this further tomorrow morning.” 

Once Nikki's mom was in the principal's office, Mr. James spoke up,” Ms. Hollowell, Nikki got into a fight with another classmate today.”

“Let me guess,” her mom interrupted, ``Haley Blake?” 

Nikki was utterly shocked that her mom guessed it was Haley. 

Once they got home, her mom handed her an envelope,” read this” she said. Nikki sat down on the couch. It was a letter to her mom from Haley’s mom and stepdad, it had been sent to her mom over the summer, yet this was the first time Nikki knew anything about it. While reading, she noticed right away the tone of the letter was harsh. The letter demanded Haley and Nikki stay away from each other. They implied that Nikki had been a bad influence on Haley, that she had coerced Haley into underage drinking, casual sex with multiple black boys, sneaking out every night, and outright lying to them. 

Nikki couldn't believe her eyes, she looked up at her mom and yelled “Mom, none of this is true! Haley told me herself that she liked black guys.” Nikki had no idea until Haley told her. “Mom, they have a full bar at their home. Haley showed me that she fills up the liquor bottles in the bar with water after she drinks from them. She was already doing all of this before we ever became friends.” Nikki felt so betrayed and wondered if Haley had just been using her the whole time in order to be around black guys. She thought back to all the times Haley would say she felt more comfortable when she was with her because black girls didn't give her a hard time.  

After the meeting the following morning, the writing was on the wall. Nikki was suspended for two weeks while Haley wasn't punished at all, even though her calling Nikki a black bitch was what started the fight in the first place. Once Nikki came back from suspension, she was placed in totally different classes in order to keep the two girls separated. Nikki and her mom were both furious! Nikki’s mom expressed wanting to take her out of St. Xaviers and Nikki thoroughly agreed. Once she transferred to southern high school she was placed in all advanced classes. 

One day during a free period, once she was at Southern high. Nikki started writing a letter expressing how she felt and the fact that she had been thirteen years old when she started at St. Xavier and the fact that she was a child that had been placed in an extremely racist and classist situation. Those who she thought would help her, protect her, do whatever they could to teach her and mold her as a student had failed her. She noted the irony of St. Xavier teaching a religion class when there obviously was no God in a lot of the people. She also pointed out how professional adults had written horrible lies about her and sent it to her mom. Tears flowed from her face as she kept thinking, I'm a child, why am I having to fight with adults about such serious stuff? Aside from trusting their daughter, I didn't do anything wrong.

 Once she finished writing the letter, she took it to the journalism department at her new high school. They immediately published it. The principal of southern high decided to make the Diocese that governed St. Xavier, aware of the situation. Within a couple weeks the principal of St. Xavier resigned, Haley’s family moved out of state, the rumor was they moved because Haley had become pregnant by a black guy and the family was too embarrassed by it to stay in their small town. The Archbishop of the Diocese asked to meet with Nikki and her family to discuss her going back to St. Xavier and promised a much different experience for her going forward. Nikki declined; she had seen all she cared to see from a school whose motto was Being excellent through Christ. That motto rang completely hollow for Nikki so much so, that she ended up leaving Catholicism. 

As she headed from the journalism department to meet her mom who was picking her up, she got in the car. 

“How was your day”, her mother asked? 

She sighed deeply, “it was really good mom. I think I wrote a pretty decent article for next month's newsletter.” As they drove away, the sun was beaming brightly. Nikki reached in the glove box to see if there were any extra sunglasses. She laughed as she pulled out those glittery rose-colored glasses that her mom bought her right before her first day at St. Xavier’s, she put them on and discovered the glass was shattered. 

“Oh no,” her mom exclaimed!” They’re shattered baby girl.”

“Exactly mom,” Nikki said. “I can't think of a more fitting way for them to be.” She continued to wear them all the way home while gazing out the window. The uneasiness in the pit of her stomach was gone however, she now understood the world could be a very cruel, cold place. Yet, she wasn’t devastated, she just knew from there on out when an overwhelmingly unfair situation presented itself, she would be prepared to stand up and fight!