Belief

She sat clutching both ends of her violet boho shawl that she was wearing over her white sundress. Her grey hair fluttered in the breeze as she sat on the wooden bench transfixed by the Bow River in Calgary, Canada as it glided past her. She smiled when a sparrow landed in front of her and patiently waited for some bread or seeds that was apparently the fee required for sitting on the bench.

              “I’m sorry little fella. I don’t have anything to offer you,” she said.  

              Could it really be her? Malcolm had been having the same dream for the past week. He and Rusty were on their daily walk by the river. Rusty would explore all the surrounding trees, peeing on the ones he felt worthy of the gesture. In the dream, there is a woman sitting on the bench that is usually vacant. Every time he sees the woman in the dream he wakes up. At first, he did not think much of it, but it was getting frustrating that the dream did not continue past the point of when he saw the woman.

              What do I do? This is too strange to be just a coincidence. Should I talk to her? What am I going to say? “Are you the woman in my dreams?”

              Malcolm picked up a stick and threw it into the river in the vicinity of where the woman was sitting. Rusty raced after it and dove into the water to retrieve it.

              “Good boy, bring it here.”

              Rusty doggy paddled with the stick in his mouth back to the shore and dropped it at Malcolm’s feet before spraying him with the water he shook off his sleek Black Lab fur.

              The woman on the bench giggled.

              Malcolm threw the stick again. He smiled at her and said, “Hello.”

              “Hello Malcolm,” she replied.

              Malcolm frown. Did she just say my name? “I’m sorry, do we know each other?”

              “No Dear. Well, I know you, but we have never met on Earth before.”

              Rusty ran out of the water and dropped the stick at Malcolm’s feet.

              “My goodness what a beautiful dog,” the woman said.

              “What do you mean we haven’t met on Earth before?” Malcolm asked her.

              “Come and have a seat next to me Dear and I will explain it to you.”

              Logically, that seemed like a bad idea to Malcolm but there was something about her that was warm and familiar. He found himself sitting next to her despite his hesitation.

              “I am your mother’s great aunt Mildred,” the woman said.

              “I didn’t think my mother had any surviving relatives.”

              Mildred remained silent for a moment before she said, “She doesn’t.”

              “You mean you are …”

              “Yes Dear. I am dead.”

              Malcolm’s eyes widened and his body tingled all over.

              “I know that is a lot to take in, but I don’t have much time to explain. I can only maintain this human form for so long.”

              Malcolm gulped.

              “You see Dear, I have been sent back to give you a message.”

              “A message?”

              “Yes, a message. It has to do with your relationship with Hannah. You love her. I know that.”

              “Yes, I do.”

              “You are worried she does not love you.”

              “I wouldn’t say that. I know she loves me. She tells me that all the time.”

              “You know she loves you, but do you believe she loves you?”

              Malcolm looked down into the pebbles that lined the shore of the river.

              “It’s ok. It’s not easy to trust because of what you have been through, but this lack of trust is causing you pain, isn’t it?”

              Malcolm nodded as he recalled all the failed intimate relationships he had with women and the struggles he had growing up with a narcissistic mother.

              “Malcolm, that past has dissolved into nonexistence. Hannah is here now, and you will never be completely happy if you continue to look at her with those filthy glasses of your past.”

              Malcolm nodded.

              “So, let go of it all. We all want you to be happy.”

              “We?”

              “Yes, ‘we’. Your family still loves you even though we are not here in this world.”

              “What world are all of you in?”

              “You wouldn’t understand. Even if I had time to try and explain it.”

              “But I have so many questions.”

              “I didn’t come to answer your questions. I came to request that you listen to our message.”

              Malcolm nodded.

              “We want you to be happy. So, be happy and even if it all falls apart, we are here for you. We will never leave you Malcolm.”

              “Ok.”

              “So, stop being a pain in the ass and love this woman with everything that you’ve got.”

              Malcolm laughed.

              “What are you laughing about?” Hannah asked while holding Rusty on a leash. Malcolm turned to face Mildred, but she was gone.

              “You have been gone for three hours. I was worried. Especially when Rusty came home without you. Malcolm looked down at Rusty sitting at Hannah’s feet panting with his tongue dangling over his lower jaw.

              Malcolm stood and held Hannah’s elbows and gazed into her eyes. “You are a special woman, Hannah Richards.”

              “I know. Why are you out here staring into space and laughing by yourself?”

              “I can’t explain it to you. I just love you. I love you with every fibre of my being,” he said and pressed his lips against hers and held her close.

              When he pulled back Hannah’s eyes were glistening. “Wow. I love you too. Even if you act like an idiot sometimes,” she said as she playfully thumped his chest with the side of her right fist.

              When they got back to the house Malcolm said, “It’s time.”

              “Are you sure?” Hannah asked.

              “Definitely.”

              “Do you want me to go with you?”

              “No, I need to do this by myself.”

              Malcolm retrieved the urn that held his mother’s ashes and returned to the bench where he talked to Mildred.

              “Mom. I know you can hear me. Aunt Mildred came to talk to me today and she said it is time to leave you in the past. Goodbye Mom.”

              Malcolm emptied the ashes into the river and watched as the water swept them away. He let out a long exhale before a rush of cool fresh evening air filled his lungs. The chirping of a Chickadee caught Malcolm’s attention and it made him smile. He noticed the elegance of the river as it flowed past him. He looked up at the brilliant orange sky created by the setting sun and a tear formed in his eye. He no longer saw the world with his filthy lenses of the past. He experienced it unencumbered in the present.