Takes the Cake

“Scrumdiddlyumptious.” I snarled at the lingering leftovers of what used to be chocolate cake. “Ha. As if. I don’t even like cake.” I scowled, attempting to console myself on a loss that would haunt me for days to come. The fact that I had been lured here by the promise of the most appetizing cake was enough to make anyone mad, but what’s worse is there were only three pieces to begin with and I had been promised one. Frowning, I turned slowly to leave the room when Janet caught my arm.

            “Wasn’t that the most delicious cake you’ve ever eaten? I thought I would have to give up my life to visit Heaven, but it seems that Heaven came to me!” Janet was always one to drag you down with the weight of her words, and this time I felt them pulling me under the waters of exclusion; drowning in culinary ostracism.

            “No, I didn’t get to taste it.” I pointed sadly at the table where the remnants of a decimated cake mocked me and my inability to reach the table before the ruthless barbarians. Grimacing, I wrenched myself free of Janet’s mediocrity and attempted to make my way out of the break room and into the hall. There my steps echoed my thoughts; lonely and unsatisfying. If only I had been faster. If only I had taken the stairs instead of the elevator. If only I had offered to bring the cake to the break room instead of letting that over eager beaver Mark take care of it as usual.

            I continued to chastise myself as I left the elevator. Attempting to identify just where on Earth I had gone wrong. Why were we even having a party in the middle of the work day? Everyone could not be in the break room at 2pm so why would we celebrate Denise’s birthday at 2pm?

            I stopped dead in my tracks.

            Brenda.

            There had always been this tension between us ever since the gum incident of 2015. I had just offered my last piece of gum to Dave and unknowingly Brenda asked for one. Showing her the empty packet, I watched her face turn from gracious into malice dropping her already extended hand. She recovered with a quick smile and a “Thanks anyways!” making her appear the victim of a tragic story where I was the villain. Brenda. That cunning fox. She knew there would only be two people in my department today. She was the one who sent the email blast about not forgetting how important it was that we “Celebrate each other” with that stupid inspirational background. I shuddered and contemplated how her maniacal plan had come together so quickly. Bribing Denise to have her party at 2pm instead of 3pm would have been easy. Everyone knows Denise likes the bookshelves in storage on the second floor and Brenda has the storage room key. Mark also would have been an easy target, as he and Brenda were “not dating” she could have easily told him to grab the cake before I even got a chance. No, the only real problem is that she couldn’t have known when I was going to come to the break room. The elevator! Of course! Now I could see the whole picture. What I had thought was a simple break down of an aggravatingly old piece of machinery was actually a plot against my enjoyment of the world’s greatest chocolate delicacy. It was obvious that Brenda had convinced the maintenance man to shut down the elevator temporarily while she and her buddies from Advertising wolfed down the only reason I had come to work today.

            The more I thought about this mutiny the more I was sure that Brenda had organized it all. It was clear that there was a revolution stirring in the undertows of this office and I was on the outside of it all. I was so steamed by the time I reached my desk I almost missed it. There, sitting off to one side of my computer, slightly hidden by the large screen, was a slice of the glorious chocolate perfection. Could it be? Could I have a guardian angel somewhere? Someone who thought only of improving my monotonous day by giving me the dessert of ideal proportions? I chuckled with glee and sat down beginning to feel hope on what was turning out to be a hopeless day.

            Grabbing a plastic fork from my desk drawer, I set out to have the adventure of a life time. A trip down a chocolate river overlapped with layers of caramel and fudge with just a smidge of whipped chocolate frosting a top its glorious peak.

            “Are you enjoying the cake?” A metallic yet chipper voice reached my ears. I paused with my fork mid air. I’d know that voice anywhere. Brenda. I slowly put on my best smile and turned in my chair.

            “Yes Brenda. In fact if you don’t mind, I’d like to experience this culinary masterpiece alone so I can truly enjoy the taste of quality cake.” I paused and then decided to add for good measure, “Sorry I missed your party. I had a little trouble getting to the break room.” There. Now she could know I had discovered her diabolical scheme.

            “It’s alright!” Brenda chortled, “I heard about the elevator, so I saved you this piece.” I froze. I glanced quickly down at the cake I had so longed and desired. She smiled brightly, “Enjoy!” Then she turned on one heel and waltzed away.

            I closed my eyes slowly contemplating how I felt, and when I opened my eyes once more… I did two things. First, I sent an email to Brenda, apologizing for accidentally throwing away the original cake assuring her that the one I found outside the dumpster would taste the same as the one I had lost. Second, I swept that chocolate cake into the trash can where it had originally belonged.