Heart for a Soul

Warning! : This story contains thoughts of suicide, references and talk of self harm, mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.

The rain pours down as I walk down the quiet rural road. Tears run down my face mixing with the rain as it soaks into my clothes. Although it's been over a year, my heart still hurts at the thought of my ex. He replaced me and broke up with me even though we had known each other and were close for many years. I loved him, still do. I thought that we would stay together. I was going to move many states away from my home for him, leave everything behind to be with him, but he had decided to replace me with a girl he just met, and dumped me.

For some reason it still hurts, and though I’ve tried to move on, I can’t. I’ve gone to therapy, not only because of him, but he came up multiple times. Yet somehow I'm still not over him. The dull hot pain in my heart is the only thing I feel anymore. Any other time I feel a crushing numbness. He helped me, he allowed me to feel safe, heard, and understood. He gave me hope that there was hope for me, now I don’t have any. I moved out a couple months ago, since then my pain has only gotten worse. I feel horrible consistently, struggling to get up, eat, sleep. All I want to do is disappear. Leave this life of pain, numbness, and unfairness behind.

I walk slowly, thunder sounding far away. I reached the bridge not far from my house. I stop and stare blankly down at the brown, roaring river below. There is no justice in this world. No God, if there was, why do I feel like this? Why couldn’t I just be happy? I just want to be okay. I just want to feel better. I take another step close to the edge of the bridge. I miss him, and I bet I never enter his mind. I was okay with him, oh, what would I do to have him back. I think to myself.

I shift a little closer to the edge of the bridge as the sound of thunder comes a bit closer. All that time. All those years, they meant nothing to him. He gave me hope, now, I’m nothing but an empty shell. I lean over and look at the water far below. “Thinking about jumping?” a voice behind me makes me jump slightly. “Yeah, I don’t blame you.”

I turn to see a man in a suit holding an umbrella, his clothes completely dry. I look around wondering where his vehicle is. “Uh, can I help you?” I ask. “I’m kind of busy here.”

“I’m sure you are. I was just wondering why such a pretty young lady is standing so close to the edge of a bridge in the pouring rain, so late in the evening,” he says innocently.

“Just debating life. And love,” I say shortly avoiding his brown eyes.

“Yes, I often debate the morality of life, and the heartbreak of love,” he says. “I also wonder about the karma in it all. How you could give everything to someone, yet they can throw it all away so easily.”

I lift my eyes to meet his. A flash of lightning from the closing storm lights up the sky, and his face as well. In the light, the man’s brown eyes turn red. I step back startled and trip over the edge of the bridge. For a split second I feel my stomach fall as I feel myself tip backwards. I stop though, the man’s hand around my outstretched arm. He stopped me from falling off.

I straighten up and step away from the edge slightly. “Who are you?” I ask as another flash of lightning lights up his eyes showing their red hue.

“I am one of Asmodeus’ lesser demons,” he says politely.

Asmodeus? I think to myself. Who is that?

“Asmodeus is the devil of lust, one of the seven sins,” he says almost reading my mind. “And you, milady have been sent an offer.”

I look at him in shock. “A devil? Doesn’t that mean God is real?”

“Yes, well that is relative,” he said mutely so I didn’t press more.

“Okay, well what do you mean an offer?”

“Ah, yes. My master, Lord Asmodeus, has heard and felt your pain towards this boy of yours. While he has distaste for your lack of wanting lust, he commends the love you have for him. He has sent me to give you an offer to get him back,” the demon explains.

“To get him back? How would you do that?” I ask suspiciously. “Because I don’t want him to love me if he really doesn’t want me, that isn’t right.”

“Ugh,” the demon grunts distastefully. “He is very lustful isn’t he? He can love you in a way you both will like, like how it used to be for you. This also will allow you to become lustful again, since the most lust Lord Asmodeus got from you was while you were with him,” he explains shortly.

“But it will be him who loves me right?” I ask doubtfully. The demon nods and holds out his hand. I take it and step under the umbrella where my clothes dry instantly. He lets go of the umbrella which suspends in mid-air and in his open hand a contract appears.

I hesitated for a second then a memory of a conversation me and him previously had, came to me. I’d sell my soul to the devil for you. The words run through my head and pierce my heart. You may not have meant it, but I do. I think as I take the pen floating beside the contract and sign my name at the bottom. The second I finished writing my name a fiery pain filled my chest, near my heart. A moment later it subsided.

“Very well then. Now that that's been done, all you have to do now is find a way to kill his current girlfriend. After that he will be yours once again, and will be for eternity. The only thing is, it must be done soon. Waste no time,milady and may you and your love be together, until death do you part. I wish you much haste and godspeed young lady.”

The demon bows and hands me the umbrella,with the next flash of lightning the demon disappears and I start to walk home. As I walk I get a sense of importance and a new form of knowledge comes to me. I know where his girlfriend lives, and now finally I have a purpose. When I get home I start to plan. I have about a thousand dollars saved up which will get me to and from the state she lives in. This should also cover any other fees, or contingencies.

After about an hour of planning I decide to take a shower and go to bed for the night. As I go to take a shower I look in the mirror and notice a mark I have never seen before. Above where my heart should be is a heart with an infinity symbol embedded in it, it seems to be burned into my skin. I touch it lightly and feel heat from it. After a few seconds of touching it, the heat burns my finger and I jerk my hand away. I take my shower and lay down for bed, ideas for the upcoming murder running through my head.

Over the next couple days I devise my plan. Three days after the confrontation at the bridge I find myself on a plane heading to a different state. Within hours of arriving in a foreign state, I pay for a hotel room in cash and start to put my plan into action. I know I have three days to kill her so I start to wander the city, looking for her home. I let the mark guide me. The closer I got, the hotter it burned. After a day I find myself outside the girls home.

Two days left. I need to get this done. I think soddenly. I track her for a day watching what she does then I follow her back to her apartment. She lives in an apartment on the top floor, ten stories up. On the night of the final day I sneak into her home, and into her room. I had typed up a suicide letter and signed her name at the bottom. That night at three am I pushed her out her window sending her hurtling down to the street. I sneak out of her apartment and make sure she is dead. When I find her body her head is cracked open on the street and she lies in a pool of blood. Satisfied, I go back to my hotel and prepare to leave in the morning.

I wake up the next morning and head to the airport. As I wait for my plane I watch the news on the screens overhead. Girl found this morning dead, outside her home. Her head was cracked open on the sidewalk, her boyfriend was first onto the scene. Police have taken the young man into custody. While some believe it was an act of suicide, detectives believe the boyfriend had something to do with it.

Well hopefully they will figure it out that it wasn’t him. I think to myself. But the contract should do something about that. He is supposed to be with me after all. That was the deal. Thirty minutes after the original broadcast an update aired, so while I was still waiting I watched. Boy suspected of killing his girlfriend committed suicide while in questioning room. Authorities say he hung himself with his belt while they were in the next room discussing the case.

He killed himself? Over her? But he was supposed to be mine. This wasn’t the plan. I think to myself. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “Ah, what a shame,” a voice says beside me. I whip my head around to see the demon sitting beside me staring up at the screen. The demon is in his same suit only with a hat shading his eyes.

“What happened? He was supposed to be mine again. That was the deal,” I say sharply.

“You wanted him to love you, as long as it was him loving you. You should have been more specific in what life it was you wanted him to love you,” he says cooly.

“You used me,” I accuse him. The demon chuckles showing his pointed teeth. The mark above my heart starts to burn more with every chuckle.

“Milady, I'm a demon. What is it you expect of me?” he asks standing. “You will see your love soon enough.” The demon bows and walks away disappearing behind a group of people.I stand to go after him but fall to the ground and I notice a small pain in my arm. I look down to see a needle in my forearm. My eyes widen as my vision starts to blur and my body starts to seize.

Another girl has died today making it the third death today. Girl dies of heroin overdose at the airport. Video shows the girl talking to herself as she sticks the needle into her arm. Paramedics arrived a few minutes later but were unsuccessful at saving her. The girl had a tattoo above her heart of a heart with a broken infinity symbol in it.