Love or Obsession?

**Sexual Content**

I'm currently sitting at a local bar in town a bar that I followed him to...a person I swore never to follow again for as long as I live; I'm drinking a Cosmo and surfing in my deep, deep thoughts...I don't know what it is about Austin Vincent, but I've been obsessed with him for as long as I can remember. He has an ocean of black wavy hair, and midnight black eyes, and tan skin, and I’ve always thought because of his name he’s italian, his name and the fact that he has 4 siblings.  The feeling I get when I'm around him is so...intriguing I literally tingle everywhere including my most intimate spot. I've had other relationships before but the feeling I had in those is nothing compared to the feeling Austin gives me. He is the only person I ever found myself following on a daily basis. He used to be aware of me, but since we both have left our childhood homes, he doesn't know I'm still around.

Of course, when I was in another relationship, I stayed loyal to the person I was with. I even loved them. I was close to marriage once but in a shocking turn of events my ex decided to stop loving me out of nowhere and broke off our relationship a little over a month before our wedding. I was devastated, I barely ate for a month, and I was forced to move out of the only place that I ever had outside of my parents' house. In an even more surprising turn of events the loft building that I moved to is the same building Austin lives in. Believe me when I say this was completely by accident, I hadn't even looked for Austin in... God 10 years? Something along those lines, and although I occasionally thought of him from time to time over the last decade, I completely forgot how it is I have felt about him for as long as I've known him, basically since my family moved to the area when I was around 9 and first met him in school. I was carrying in the last of my luggage when I heard his voice, he was talking on the phone and my back was turned so he didn't see me, he actually walked right past me. Once I was sure he had passed me I chanced a look and realized it was him, and all the feelings I thought were long gone all came rushing back.

I was surprised to see him, last I heard he was in NYC trying to make a music career for himself. I remembered how unsure I was about whether or not my affections for him were truly love or just strong sexual tension and infatuation. I was just as surprised when I fell back into my old patterns of following him. Although it hasn't been as bad as when we were kids. I am different now for the most part. I moved in the summer and since I am a special education teacher I have the summers off, I followed him just enough to find that he works construction, plays gigs at the same bar that he bartends at, he skateboards whenever he can, and most importantly, he isn't seeing anyone.

I follow him to his bar at night just to hear him play. I always have the same server, Thomas, we’ve actually become good friends and he knows a little bit of my past with Austin, but not everything. Thomas and his husband Miguel are so sweet, they are the best friend’s I’ve made since moving here. When I told them about Austin and I, I made them swear not to tell him about me being around. They didn’t seem to like it, but as far as I can tell they have kept their promise. I have spent every Friday and Saturday evening for the past month in a half closing my eyes and listening to Austin sing, he has the voice of an angel. I also always order the pretzel bite appetizer with beer cheese, and for dinner I switch it up, sometimes I get grilled chicken and pilaf rice, sometimes I get muscles and imagine myself going home with Austin. Sometimes I have a cheesesteak and imagine I’m nibbling on Austin’s most private part. Other times I have shrimp. 

It all depends on if I’m in a horny mood or an “I don’t care what I eat I’m just starving” mood.  Luckily this bar is in an affordable price range since I am a teacher and am severely underpaid, or else coming here two nights out of the week would kill me financially. I have tried to stay in the corner trying to keep out of Austin’s sight, because I'm not sure if it's wise to approach him. The last time we spoke he told me to leave him alone, and that he wants me to disappear. But it has to be a sign that unknowingly we both moved to the same loft building right? Then, like a random crack of thunder, the first one of any storms that makes people jump a mile high I hear "So Lola are you ever going to come talk to me or are you just going to continue to stalk me like when we were kids?"

I looked up expecting to see a red hot pissed off face, but instead what I saw was intrigue and sympathy. I couldn't breathe or talk and he just laughed. "Well, this is the first time I've said something to you, and you haven't had an immediate answer back. I heard about your wedding. I'm so sorry. Let's talk, I'm on break and I don't go up and perform for another 2 hours." He sat down next to me, and we started to talk. Maybe this love, or obsession, or infatuation. I don't know, but all I know is that by the look in his eyes just now even though he swore when we were kids, he didn't like me at all, that whatever it is I've felt the entire time knowing him was completely mutual on his end, we'll see where this leads.