Passions and Pastries

Journal Entry #1

March 21st

My name is Evelyn Crane. I am 42 years old, single, and I run a successful digital marketing company. After graduating college, I started interning at a couple different companies in Chicago, learning the ins and outs of the workplaces, and finally committing to one of them full-time. I was 28 at this point, older than some of my colleagues, but I worked hard and over the course of 5 years I climbed the ladder and became one of the managers of the company.

Is this where I saw myself as a child? The short answer is no. The long answer is the younger me would be losing her mind if she saw what I grew up to be. You see, when I was a kid, I was really into baking. I was always in the kitchen with my grandma helping her make that most amazing pastries, cakes, and breads. I loved creating these culinary masterpieces with her and sharing them with her. She always encouraged my passion and taught me everything she knew. My parents on the other hand, saw a different future for me. My mother used to tell me that I would never be successful by just baking, that if I worked hard in school and went to college then I could become successful. I worked hard in school to make my parents happy, but I would always look forward to my time with my grandma, where I could really be myself.

My grandma passed away right before my freshman year in high school. I was devastated. I still am sometimes, when I smell a freshly baked loaf of bread or pass by a bakery selling cupcakes and tarts. After her funeral, my parents started going through her house and deciding what to keep and what needed to go. I begged them to let me keep her baking supplies, but they refused. “Baking won’t make you six figures in the real world.” My father scolded. “We are raising you to be strong and successful, and this won’t do anything to help you.”

After a heated argument with my parents about how baking was the only thing that made me truly happy, I wasn’t allowed to join them at my grandma’s house anymore. But I was able to sneak a few of my grandma’s recipe books away with me before they took me home. That was the last time I saw that house, and the day a part of me died. All the wonderful memories I made with it.

From that day on, I focused on my schoolwork. I made straight A’s, took extra courses, AP and Honors and was able to graduate early. I got accepted into the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business and moved that summer. While in school I maintained a 4.0 GPA and graduated with a master’s in business, and a minor in digital marketing.

You have heard the tale from there; I climbed the ladder at one of my first marketing jobs and became a manager. I spent the next two years in a managerial position, learning what it takes to run a successful business. Once I felt comfortable and confident, I decided to start developing my own company. I started building a portfolio of the services that my company would provide, and got to work building a presence online to help boost my idea. I caught the attention of a few of my coworkers as well as some new graduates who were willing to jump on this adventure with me. I put my 2 weeks in at my current company and made my way into the world as a business owner.

There were a few bumps in the road, naturally, but after a year we were starting to get clients. As our clientele grew, so did the company. I hired more employees and had to move to a few larger locations over the years. I became the successful woman my parents always wanted me to be. I make the six-figure salary they wanted, live in a fancy apartment in downtown Chicago, have successful friends, and am happily single. I can afford high end clothing, drive expensive cars, and eat at the most prestigious restaurants.

Recently, my parents sent me a box of my belongings from high school. I decided to go through it and take a trip down memory lane one night. I there was mostly schoolwork and a few pictures with old friends, but at the very bottom of the box, I found the recipe books I took from my grandma’s house. I just sat there and stared at them for a while. The memories of her house started coming to mind. I grabbed the three books and opened the first, the sight of her handwriting broke something in my chest. I spent the rest of that night reading through each recipe she wrote down. The memories started flooding back and I started to cry. All the years I spent burying this part of my life, not because I hated it, but because I loved it so much and I couldn’t handle the thought of the hole that was left in my life. I could smell the bread, taste the icing, and hear my grandma telling me how well I was doing and how proud she was of me. I could hear her telling me to always follow my passion, and that I had a gift.

Every tear that I shed broke me just a bit more each time, until I was left unguarded for the first time in over 20 years. All my accomplishments, the business, the money, the success, everything I built, made me nauseous. The reality that I had fought so hard to shove down, came crashing down on me. The realization that, deep down, I have been miserable and have been covering that truth with work and money and the mask of success. I have buried my true self and my passion to become who others wanted me to be.

I sat there, feeling empty. It took a few seconds to realize I was utterly and completely lost. I allowed myself to be pushed down by the expectation of others, and by my own grief. It was here, sitting on the floor of my bedroom, that I decided that I would find myself again. To reignite the passion that I once held so dear to my heart, to bring the memories of my grandma back to life.

Journal Entry #2

March 23rd

Today I took my first baking class. The bakery down the block from my building started hosting beginner classes in baking and I signed up. We made chocolate chip cookies, and it was exhilarating. I know that that it’s a simple recipe, but the act of measuring, mixing, and baking the cookies made my soul sing. The classes are once a week on Sunday mornings, and I haven’t looked forward to something this much since I was a child. Next week we are going to be making cupcakes and going over icing techniques. I went and bought the ingredients for myself to make some at home using one of my grandma’s recipes! I think I am going to make some tonight!

P.S. They were delicious!

Journal Entry #3

March 30th

The second baking class was a huge success! We got to choose the flavor of cupcakes we wanted to make, and I made my grandmas recipe. Everyone in the class loved them! I spoke to the owner, Elise, for a while after the class. She asked me about the recipe, and I showed her my grandma’s recipe books. She was ecstatic reading the recipes and asked if I would be okay with us using some for future classes. I said that I would be honored. I like Elise, she is very nice, and I admire her passion for what she does.

Journal #4

April 3rd

I decided to make a loaf of my grandma’s rosemary lavender cake and bring some to Elise to try. She loved it and was surprised at how well I was able to bake and decorate it. We exchanged numbers so maybe she could come over and we could make some more of the recipes together. It’s exciting having a friend again. A true friend.

Journal #5

April 20th

I few weeks have passed since I last wrote in this journal, but so much has happened over the last few weeks! Elise and I have gotten together a few times and tested out some of grandma’s recipes, and they have all been amazing! We talked about using some of them in her bakery. I told her that I would love for her to use them, but that I feel a little sad not making them myself. These recipes mean so much to me and I am having a hard time letting them go like that. Elise said it was okay and that she understood.

I am starting to have a hard time going to work. Since I started baking again and spending more time with Elise, the company feels so foreign. I don’t know what to do.

Journal #6

May 11th

Okay, another time jump but I have done something crazy! Over the last month I have been looking for someone to take over my position as head of the company so that I can focus more on my baking, and I found someone. His name is Henry. I met with him for lunch last Thursday and I feel like he is a perfect fit for the job. He has prior experience in business management and has worked in digital marketing for 10 years. He has a passion for this business that I never had, and I am confident in my decision of stepping away as head and letting him take over. I ran him through the programs that we use, took him on a tour of the building, and introduced him to my employees. They all seem to like him, and I feel that he will make a great fit with them.

I talked to Elise about my idea, and she was hesitant at first. She didn’t want me to throw away all that I had built, but I told her that I wouldn’t be throwing it away. I am finally allowing myself to do what I am passionate about. Baking makes me happy. Being around Elise makes me happy.

Journal #7

May 30th

Today was my official last day with my company. My employees threw me a party and congratulated me on the journey that I am about to take. Elise came by to celebrate with us and offered me a position as a baker at the shop! I can’t believe it! I accepted, of course and start Monday!

I know this all may seem sudden, and yes, I will be taking a hit financially, but I have enough savings built up and stock in the company that I will be comfortable. I haven’t broken the news to my parents, but I will soon.

Journal #8

June 15th

Elise and I took a trip to visit my parents for Father’s Day. I made them a triple chocolate cake and Elise made a variety of macarons for them. They were overjoyed to see me and to meet Elise. It was a little jarring to be honest. I have never seen them so… happy. We got there early Friday afternoon and spent the day together. That night we went out to dinner, and I told them about stepping down from the company. They weren’t happy at first, but after a long talk I think they realized how happy I was with my decision. They said that they support me in whatever I choose, even if it isn’t what they wanted for me. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but having Elise there with me made it better.

After dinner we went home, and I offered to take Elsie around and show her some of the places that I used to visit as a kid. She was delighted to go. We drove around for a while, and I decided to stop at this little park my parent’s used to take me to. We sat on the swings and talked about dinner. She said she was proud of me fo0r telling them, and for standing up for myself and defending my position. I told her that I was glad she was there with me, and that I am lucky to have her in my life.

We looked at each other for a few moments and she told me that she had something to tell me. She said she has never felt comfortable with anyone until she met me, and that she thinks she is falling in love with me. She said she was scared to say anything because she didn’t want to affect our friendship. I told her that I think I am falling in love with her too. I told her that from the first moment we talked, I knew she was someone who I couldn’t live without.

So, as you could probably guess, we are dating now, and life couldn’t be more perfect. I have found my passion for baking again, and in the process found the love of my life.