My Jeremy

We’re just kids, Ma. Please let us stay. Please. Please let me keep my—

I wake with a start, drenched in sweat. It takes me a few moments to realize where I am, but then I see the wooden walls made of timber, the pointed slope of the ceiling, and remember. 

The cabin. We’re still in the cabin. 

After lying on the stiff, unforgiving floorboards, it takes a great deal of effort to stand. But somehow I do. 

I walk over to the boarded-up window and peek through one of the slates. It looks like the first snowfall of the season has begun, and a blanket of white covers the surrounding pine trees, hills, and vegetation, like powdered sugar sprinkled over sweets. It’s such a wonder, such a beauty. 

And it terrifies me. 

I place a hand over my belly and stroke in idle circles. I haven’t felt her kick in over 24 hours. She’s due next week.

I inhale deeply, the cabin air thick with the musty scent of decay, then exhale. I can see my breath. I wrap my coat tighter around me, feeling the frostbite closing in, circling us, as hungry and as patient as a wolf. 

I never imagined it would come to this. Never. And I know I’ll have to make a decision soon, before it’s too late. 

It might already be too late. 

Jeremy lets out a moan and I rush to his side, careful not to move him. He’s laying on his back, his face pale, his lips purple. He’s cold to the touch. We both are. 

I unwrap the blood stained shirt tied around his thigh and quickly replace it with the shirt I’m wearing. I don’t have anything else to stop the bleeding. 

“Hhh-hang in there, Jer” I force out through gritted teeth. “We’re getting oout-tt of here. Pp-promise.”

Of course I don’t know that, and how could I? We’ve been trapped in this cabin for two days now and our odds of being found are getting worse by the minute. I don’t know where we are and I don’t know how to get back to the main road. I look down at my bulging stomach, thinking of her. 

It was all for her. We left to give her a life, a chance at life. 

Ma and Pa wouldn’t listen to me, no matter how much I begged— two kids, not even old enough to vote, and a child out of wedlock? They said this wasn’t God’s plan, and I swear to you, it wasn’t mine either. These things never are. 

But she was still kicking in my stomach, all the same. She was still alive, her little heartbeat my pulse and pride, and I wasn’t about to let my parents take her away from me. 

So, Jer and I took to the road late at night. We packed the Pinto with everything we’d need: money, clothes, and enough food to get us North. 

We didn’t know we were lost until we were. 

One minute we were winding down the dark mountain road, turning from switchback to switchback, when suddenly we didn’t recognize where we were. It was so dark and our brights didn’t make a bit of difference. I remember we were listening to David Bowie on the stereo in the center stack when I turned left, then—

Then we were upside down at the bottom of a hill, the Pinto wrecked. We managed to crawl out from under the car and stumbled upon this cabin. Jeremy told me his leg hurt, but I didn’t notice the bleeding until the next morning, when the floorboards were slick with his—

“You have to gg-go, Lacey, you have to.” Jeremy tries to sit up then collapses back down. I take his hand in mine, then bring it to my lips.

“I’m not leaving you Jer, don’t even think about it.” 

“You hh-have to. You can’t wait another day. You’ll die, she’ll die, if you stay.” 

“I’m scared, Jer, I can’t go, I don’t even know which way to go. I don't think I'm strong enough to get a mile.” 

He places the palm of his hand on my stomach, tears in his eyes. “I know Lacey, I know. But you have to try. The snow, it won't stop.” 

I squeeze my eyes shut and choke back the truth. I know he’s right.

I know if I stay still, if I stay here, I might never leave. 

“I cc-can’t go with you, but I’ll bb-be ff-fine, Lace. I promise. I’ll see you real soon. You’ll cc-come back for me, right?” 

I nod, tears cutting down my cheeks. 

“Of cc-course I’ll come bb-back for you. I’ll be here, right here, before the snow stops.” 

Jeremy smiles, then closes his eyes and drifts off again. 

I wait many minutes, memorizing Jeremy, my Jeremy, the boy who left home for me.  

Then, when I know I can’t wait any longer, I get to my feet and make my way to the door. I’m taking one last look back at Jeremy lying there, when suddenly I feel it. It’s faint, barely a flutter, but it’s there, all the same. 

A kick. She just kicked. 

I look down at my daughter, still here with me, and smile through the tears. 

Then, I step out into the snowfall.