Time to Start

Why did I have to be so darn trusting? I believed him, even though there was the little voice in the back of my head that said 'he's going to hurt you.' Yet here I was sitting in this packed airport waiting. Waiting for him to show up so we can fly to Vegas to elope.

"What time is it?" I heard a voice from behind me bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked down at my wrist that happened to be naked. I left my watch at home for this purpose. It was one thing to torture myself with thoughts, but I refused to by tortured by facts. And the fact was, he wasn't coming. I remained quiet. I had arrived to the airport two hours ahead of departure on purpose. Two hours until boarding, that was going to be my indication that he wasn't coming. It seemed like a good plan in the beginning. Silly, silly me. I hadn't once pulled my phone out of my purse to check the time and wasn't going to do it now.

"What time is it?" The voice asked again. I refused to look behind me. I knew it was a male but the voice didn't really give away his age. He could have been anywhere from 20 to 55. I found it even strange that someone would be asking for the time. We lived in a digital era. All I had to do was pull out my cellular device and would have been faced with the truth that I tried to avoid. He wasn't coming.

10 years is what I gave him. 10 of the longest years of my life. A decade that I couldn't get back. I thought giving him the ultimatum, make it official or I am walking and taking the dog. I couldn’t have made it easier, even paid for the plane tickets. All he had to do was show up. I didn't want to sound desperate, but I had already entered the old maid stage, and the ticking of my biological clock was rupturing my ear drums. And now there was this jerk behind me that was asking ‘What time is it?’ reminding me that there was still an empty seat beside, and a set of rings that I paid $4000 for nestled in the right pocket of my windbreaker. He was starting to sound like a freaking parrot.

Why couldn’t he ask someone else, I mean the airport was packed. Surely someone else would have gladly told him the time. Just not me. I was trying to hold off on the inevitable as long as I could, It started slipping the minute my butt hit the cold plastic seat. Tick Tock, Tick Tock, I may not have known the exact minute or hour, but I knew that announcement for boarding was coming soon enough. I sighed in spite of myself.

“Excuse me Miss, could you tell me what time it is?”

I wanted to turn towards him and scream, “WHY ME? CAN’T YOU SEE MY LIFE IS FALLING APART!” Instead I lifted my arm up and showed him my wrist was bare. Proud of myself for not giving into my inner turmoil. Back to my thoughts, an entire decade of false promises. I didn’t even have an engagement ring to show that I was taken. No promise ring either. All he had to do was show up. All he has to do is show up. All of the ‘I told you so’s’ would be in vain. The technicality was only a few indiscretions. I traveled for work, when the cats is away the mice would play, I think that is how the saying goes.

Tick tock, tick tock, time was winding down, the longer I sat. The outside conversations grouped together over my head like smoke in the only designated smoking area. It was heavy, but I neither cared to engage with others, nor partake in the cordial pleasantries of my fellow travelers. I didn’t care about their reasons for Vegas, due to being to entangled by my own reasons.

“Excuse me Miss, what time is it?” Came the voice again. This time with a little more urgency.

This is just my kind of luck. Why does he keep asking me for something that I am desperately trying to avoid. I showed him that I had no watch on my arm. He has to have a phone just like I do. Other people are around him. It’s an airport. His constant asking of ‘What time is it” is causing my anxiety to fly through the roof. Deep down inside I know on his part it is innocent. He can’t possibly know that the one I thought was the love of my life had abandoned me for the final time. He can’t possibly hear the phone that has been vibrating nonstop in the purse sitting in my lap. He doesn’t know why at this moment my entire existence is based on me avoiding checking the time. Because then I would have to admit defeat. I wanted the boarding announcement to be the final nail in the coffin. I arrived two hours early with purpose.

Here I was, avoiding time like it was a death sentence to the point I couldn’t even force myself to tell a stranger who asked so nicely, the time. I had succumbed to rudeness, all because I couldn’t let go of what was never going to be. A decade, a decade of heartbreak. I didn’t have to read the hundreds of text messages that kept dinging on my phone to know that he wasn’t coming. I sighed. I accept defeat. I pull out my phone just as the first announcement for boarding for the plane comes across the intercom.

I turned around to give the gentleman the time he has so politely been asking for, for what seems like the entire two hours. “ It’s the beginning of a new journey for me ” I say with a smile to an empty seat. That’s right, an empty seat. An elderly lady with the sweetest eyes looked at me as if I was crazy. “Were you talking to me dear?” Trying to save face for me because I was speaking to an empty seat.

“Was there not a man sitting here for the past two hours?”

“There was a man sitting here when I sat down but he left 15 minutes later. So I thought it was strange that you kept throwing your arm up and twisting your wrist. Were it not for fear of having to sit directly beside you I would have moved. He did leave this though.” She said, handing me a watch that was apparently laying in the empty seat next to her.

I knew that watch. I knew that watch well. I bought it on our 5th anniversary. I turn back around and flip to the back of the watch. Engraved in bold letters were “GOODBYE, SAFE TRAVELS!” My greatest fear was that he would not show up, not that he would flat out say goodbye. That entire time I was avoiding time because of what I wasted and he was finally done wasting my time. All I could do was giggle as I grabbed my suitcase, placed my purse on my shoulder, and held my head up high as I walked to the terminal. "What time is it?" The voice asked. "Time for me to start living life!"