3 comments

American Coming of Age Contemporary

  1. Start your story with one character pointing out the first sign of spring to another.

“Look at those amazing cherry blossoms!” Rachel remarked to her daughter, Emily. It was only early February in Seattle, so it was quite a surprise to find them and a bit of sun on this auspicious moving day. This day was special to both of them; Emily was starting college, and she was the only one of her three children that Rachel was able to enjoy this milestone with. Custody battles, parental interference [aka kidnapping] and moves back and forth across the pond had prevented this for her other children, who were still estranged from her, No, Rachel grabbed the baby of the family Emily and fled the country...to find other obstacles, in order to get away from another child being taken from her as a pawn in the punishment that was her life. The flowers seemed to bloom in an early Spring just to make the day that much more beautiful.

Rachel made sure to do it right; after planning a 19th birthday party for Emily that looked more like a bridal shower with housewares, she bought the rest of what her daughter would need. She rented a van, took her daughter to IKEA and loaded up every basic, and drove from Portland to Seattle. She even loaded Emily’s beloved cat into the van, and they made their purchases and drove the hours to get to the vintage apartment Rachel had rented for her daughter. They had come up a month before, and done an exhaustive search for the right place. Now Rachel was disappointed that her daughter wasn’t going to the kind of university she wished she would attend, but it certainly would be better than the runaway marriage she was forced into. Anything was better than that! No, this child would not only be able to get an education and make a living wage, but she would have the freedom to make her own decisions. To screw up, have break-ups, learn to budget, and more importantly, have a life. This was something that neither Rachel nor her older children had ever gotten to experience. She taught all of them to be independent, knowing her entire life they could be taken or she herself could be killed; the teaching of basic skills started young.Being able to cook, sew, buy groceries and live on a budget, plus be a kind, caring person, were things she tried her best to install in case their childhood was cut short. Indeed, it was…

Emily was growing more assertive and sure of herself, which was good. It wasn’t like Rachel ever had much money; she had worked 2-3 jobs during the children’s entire upbringing. She had lost everything too many times to count, had started over and reinvented herself more times than Madonna, and tried her best to do the little mum kind of things as well...as long as she had a request for that costume or batch of cookies well in advance! It wasn’t easy, none of it. There was a lot of stress to be sure; feeling like you have to protect your children under such extreme circumstances takes a toll. Rachel did the best she could...which never seemed good enough.

The move itself seemed to go smooth enough. Rachel had picked a very cute vintage studio apartment that screamed Carrie Bradshaw with its large walk in closest and useless kitchen. All the Scandinavian gadgets seem to make the best of the tiny space, as cooking cheap meals would be important. All these years working, and it wasn’t like Rachel made a lot of money. For all the losses in life, there was a lot of moving around and pain, so they learned not to get too attached to anything. After losing it all and fleeing a violent relationship in the UK, 54 area churches had helped to pay for and furnish the simple two bedroom apartment in a nice area that the two girls lived in. Rachel worked part time, but that was enough for an amazing lifestyle in an equalling amazing area. But she was all for her daughter getting out, making her own set of mistakes somewhere new. And Emily liked Seattle a lot more than Rachel did, but it was a super cook city. There were bad areas and good, so they carefully gleaned this one, after finding couples with wagons carrying home Trader Joe goods on weekends. This seemed perfect. The move and all the provisions cost Rachel her tax return, which she thought well worth it. There would be little money for anything else, so they would have to share the food stamp card, posting it back and forth for lack of a better idea. They were both mindful if they weren’t frugal or sent the card back, the other loved one would go hungry, so they both would be efficient about that. The night of the move, they found a little Asian grocery store and got some goodies; Emily promptly burned the frozen pizza and got hotter than the crust from embarrassment. ‘You are going to eat it and like it!’, she yelled at her mother, chuckling over some sake she bought for fun. Mother and daughter spent their last night together, with Rachel to leave in the morning.

In the empty white van, driving the way back home, Rachel felt a profound sense of peace and joy. She sang the entire three hours back, with a voice so jubilant, she had new timber in her vocal chords. She used to be in a band, when she was married, but stopped singing other than being in the car or for her children...it was once a great love of hers. She taught dance, and that was a priority as a dancer's body doesn’t last long, and worked other jobs on her feet. The van, no sans cat or daughter, was empty but filled with hope…

Time passed, and Emily seemed to be adjusting well. For years now, Rachel had been trying to get back child support for Emily; the amount grew to a substantial sum. She battled and foguth, as she had for her other kids, to get the funds. Emily’s father had been in an accident and filed a suit, so the money was contingent upon that; he would not budge. When the two came back from abroad, she begged him to split the chid support amount, so Emily could get to move into a place and have a normal life, as she had to finish two years of HIgh School in one. He wouldn’t budge. Now, starting college, she begged him to consider her future; more stubbornness. Suddenly, an attorney said that he had not responded, and that the money was legally Rachel’s, with some of it Emily’s as she was over 18. The problem was, Emily wasn't getting a job, couldn’t afford to keep her apartment, and would have to move back home.She didn’t want her daughter having egg on her face, so she took it in stride...the large settlement arrived a couple days after Emily moved back home; it would have allowed his daughter to have the life she deserved had it come any earlier. Oh well, she was home and safe. 

Emily and Rachel had to make a plan, so they enrolled her in the same school in Portland. Rachel decided to split the settlement 50/50, figuring it a consolation prize, and she paid the difference for her daughter to enroll in college #4 [yes, she had started college in Europe, then a community college near them Rachel paid for but she just was floundering, the one in Seattle and now its twin in Portland]. There wasn’t much left of the money, but Rachel, tired of working for others, decided to work for herself doing PR. She was good at it, and could do events and get people in to spend money for clients. She thought she was on a roll, and didn’t have to do all the work on her feet all day. She had energy and passion, and that was a commodity that was priceless.

Emily seemed to be doing fine, back with her friends and in school. They took Spring break together, booked a hotel at the beach where they liked to stay. Emily seemed to be happy to spend that family time with her mother. She got her job back, and was able to buy her own car. At first, Rachel didn’t think much of the too early, too personal conference calls. The guy seemed keen to put Emily on a pedestal; in retrospect, that should have been a sign. A man nearer Rachel’s age, who had illegitimate kids and seemed to have a hidden past, Rachel just assured it was Emily's boss, and that she had her mother’s work ethic. 

Rachel and Emily went up north for Rachel’s birthday to a little hippie town they always visited. In fact, they had lived here on the grandparents money when they had returned from Europe another time. That had been one of the easier catastrophes in their lives. But for now, they were enjoying some family time. Emily gave her mother some lovely gifts; a gray maxi dress and silver necklace that lent well with the lace. There was nothing to seem suspicious. They had borrowed a friends truck and went camping under the stars. Once again, whilst staring at the gems in the sky, Rachel let her guard down and thanked God and the Universe for her happy life. 

When they got back, the next day Rachel went to work. It was Summer so there was no school at the minute. She got a funny text from her daughter, and when she got back, the apartment had been cleared of all of her things! Strangely enough, not the beloved cat, whim Emily had insisted not bond with Rachel [although she fed and took care of it]. Rachel just saw white...a colour one sees when all has drained from your world; like just before you faint. She called everyone she knew; thought her daughter was with her bff. She called her estranged daughter, who finally fessed up to doing things at that age. She had sworn on a stack of bibles when the kids were born that she would never interfere, but this was desperate times. Emily finally  explained that she had run off and was in love with...her boss, the man nearly Rachel’s age. Her world fell apart; without her daughter, she had no purpose. It also meant that soon she would lose this home [and did] because the state allowed chid support for college aged kids, and she had quit her regular job and income was unsteady. Rachel was sure she was having a nervous breakdown; she ended up losing everything, and friends packed her up with the cat to live in an artists community, rather than be homeless. 

One could assume that was the final ending, but Rachel kept her word and loved unconditionally, unlike her own parents. The two reconciled, she gave her daughter money to get her own place when the relationship with the older predator did quickly end, so she could quickly have her independence. It wasn’t  long after that Emily met a nice guy and has been with him for years, got that degree and is working on another, bought a house and has many pets. Rachel and the beloved cat survived...but we cant say thrived much more than survival. A mother will do anything for their children in order to be happy, even to their own detriment. Now it is early Spring again, and Rachel notices there doesn’t seem to be many blossoms on those trees as there were all those year ago...

March 20, 2021 15:28

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

3 comments

Lisa Wentworth
14:59 Apr 29, 2021

Thanks! Sorry I hadn't read this...have been going through [yet another] personal crisis. I get what you mean about showing...in life I am an under promise, over deliver kind of gal. That may take me a while to get the hang at...my teachers were always yelling at me to explain more. So, more like a play then? I took a little script writing...wasn't particularly good at it, but it was a start.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Lynn Dewees
16:12 Mar 28, 2021

There were lots of twists and turns in this story - I liked that I was never sure when it was going to switch from good things happening to bad things happening. I'd like to offer a constructive criticism - since I've been trying to learn how to write stories the number one bit of advice has been to "show, not tell". You do a lot of showing here but not much telling. There are sentences where you say "Rachel thought" or "Rachel felt". To get deeper into the character, you might want to give us her internal dialog For example "The move an...

Reply

Lisa Wentworth
15:40 May 12, 2021

I just wrote a new one and used your 'show' theory. A cast of characters that you have to imagine more than me tell about. Thanks

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in Reedsy Studio. 100% free.