Hell On Wheels

HELL ON WHEELS

“You? You’re my date? Unbelievable.”

******

“You know, Wren, Brandon’s got a friend. I think the two of you would hit it off. Do you want to go out for dinner next weekend? I could set it up. Double date?”

Wren gave Cybil stink eye. Then she dramatically looked around the room. Then, doing her best Robert De Nero from Taxi Driver, she pointed to her chest, and said, “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ me?”

Cybil rolled her eyes.

“Yes, Wren, I’m talking to you.”

Wren shook her head.  

“Sorry. Not interested.”

Disappointed, Cybil slouched in her chair.

“Why not?”

Wren gave her a look.

How many times do I have to tell her? she wondered to herself.

Instead, she tried to smile a bit.

“Because—” she lifted up her baby finger, “— One, I’m not ready or interested in dating. Two—” up went the ring finger, “—if I’m all of a sudden struck wth the urge to date, I’m pretty sure I can find someone myself. And, three—” middle finger up, “—remember Josh?”

Cybil cringed.

“I said I was sorry.”

Wren just looked at her, saying nothing.

“I didn’t know,” pleaded Cybil.

“Didn’t know what?” asked Wren. “That he was wanted by the police? Or that he was a theif? Or that he was a psycho?”

Cybil held up her hands.  

“You’re right, you’re right. He was too good to be true. That should have been a warning sign.”

Wren sighed.

*****

Josh, or whatever his real name was, had been in the same yoga class as Cybil. At first he had been flirting with Cybil, but she had told him she was married, so he’d asked her if she had any single friends, and Cybil had immediately thought of Wren.

After much bellyaching on Wren’s part, and begging on Cybil’s part, Wren had agreed to meet up with him.

“You’re going to like him, Wren. He’s good looking, single, has his own business, and is into tech. He volunteers are the animal shelter, and runs marathons. And he’s new to the city, so he needs a friend. He’s perfect.”

Wren had reluctantly acquiesced, and had agreed to meet Josh for coffee.

Which had turned crazy, fast. First he didn’t have any money to buy his own coffee.

“Sorry. Can you spot me a java? I forgot my wallet at work.”

Red flag number one. Then he was vague when Wren asked him about his business.  

“We do things. Important things. But because I have a government contract, I can’t discuss it.”

Red flag number two. Then he suggested that they go back to her place, because his was being renovated.

“We can have a little dinner, drink some wine, see how the night plays out.”

Red flag number three.

“I don’t think so.”

Instead of saying anything, he’d jumped up, grabbed Wren’s purse, and tried to run away with it.

“I don’t think so!”

She’d jumped up, and body-slammed him into a table, he fell to the floor, and Wren jumped on him.

When the police arrived she found out about Josh, who was also known as Jason Deville, and he was in a boat-load of trouble. This, apparently, was not his first rodeo.

Wren was interviewed by Detective Carlos Ito. She found out that Josh/Jason was a con artist and thief, and wanted for a number of similar crimes. He’d befriend a woman at a gym or some sort of class, and then set up a coffee, or dinner date. He’d have always forgotten his wallet, weasel a visit back to the victim’s apartment, drug her, and steal her stuff — money, ID, cards — before disappearing, never to be seen again. He had no start-up — he didn’t even have a job. The police had been after him for quite a while, but so far, they hadn’t been successful. Until today.

“So,” said Ito, “What you did today was extremely brave. It was also extremely dangerous.”

Wren looked at Ito, surprised.

“Was I supposed to let him take off with my purse? And phone? And keys? Just let him have everything, and then have to spend a million years sorting it all out — canceling my cards, changing my locks, saying goodbye to all the stuff on my phone? Cuz you and I both know that the police weren’t ever going to find my stuff if I’d let him get away. If I hadn’t stopped him, you wouldn’t even be here. I’d be talking to a uniformed officer, not some fancy detective. My case would have just become another feather in this guy’s cap.”

She chinned towards the police car where Josh/Jason was locked in the back seat.

“True,” said Ito, conceding. “But what if he had a weapon? Or he hit you? Or another customer?”

“But he didn’t, and I got my purse back. And you guys got your bad guy.”

Ito looked at her. “How’d you know how to do that?”

“What? The body-slam?” 

Ito nodded.

“Roller derby.”

“Really? Do you play professionally?”

“Yes,” said Wren. “But playing professionally only means that they pay me a pittance, and I still have to pay for everything — and I mean everything — out of my own pocket. More like an expensive hobby.”

“Huh,” said Ito. “That explains the superb body-slam. I’ve never met anyone who … who plays roller derby — is that what I should call it?”

“Skates.”

“Ah. You’re the first roller derby skater I’ve ever met. What’s your team called?

“Whiplash.”

Ito chuckled.  

“Just like you gave the suspect.”  

*****

“Right. Did you go to court yet?”

“No. The guy pleaded guilty, so no trial. Everything was on CCTV. He didn’t have a leg to stand on.”

Cybil smiled at Wren.  

“Not after you body-slammed him”

“True!” said Wren, smiling at the memory. It had been epic. She had seen the tape. A master class in body-slams.

“But that was what, eight months ago? Surely you’re good now?”

“Cybil, I wasn’t ever not good. I was just pissed off that he thought he could take advantage of me. That’s all.”

“But still you won’t let us set you up?”

“No. I don’t want to date.”

“Aren’t you lonely?”

“Nope.”

“Come one. Don’t you miss the excitement of meeting someone new?”

“Nope.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Wren looked at her friend seriously. “Between my job and the derby, I’m pretty busy. I don’t have time to make nice with someone new.”

“Fine. Let’s not call it a date. How about coming out for dinner with us? And Brandon's friend unexpectedly shows up. Does that work?”

Wren sighed.

Cybil looked at Wren. Sure she put up a tough front, but Cybil was pretty sure her friend was lonely. She was all alone in the world.  

*****

A little over two years ago Cybil’s parents and her sister Robin had been driving up to see Wren and have dinner in the city. But, there had been an horrific car accident. A semi driver had fallen asleep at the wheel of his fully loaded tractor-trailer and had crushed the family car into the side of a tunnel. The car had erupted in flames with her family trapped inside, unable to get out. Her mom and dad had been killed instantly, and Robin had died on the way to the hospital.  

Wren had been dating Fitz at the time. They’d been together for a couple of years, living together, and were circling around when they wanted to get married. Wren was the one who wasn’t sure. She’d confided in Cybil that Fitz was a bit clingy, and she was getting a bit tired of his pressure to get married. She was happy with the status quo, and not quite ready to commit to the next step — legal union.

Then the accident happened, and everything changed. For all his “I love you, Wren.” And “I can’t live without you, Wren.” And “you are my soulmate, Wren,” Fitz fell apart. He said he couldn’t cope. That he didn’t want the tragedy in his life. That he couldn’t live with Wren’s sadness. So, while she was at the funeral home making final arrangements for her parents and sister, he packed up, and left. No note, nothing. Just gone. He only sent her one text later that night, that said, “Please don’t contact me. It’s over.”

That left Wren all alone in the world. There were some distant cousins, but not anyone who was close to Wren. Cybil and Brandon had been there for her, but Cybil could still see the pain and loss in her friend’s eyes.

That was when Wren had started skating.  

Cybil had been confused. She didn’t even know Wren knew how to roller skate. She had asked her why roller derby.

Wren had looked at her, and said, frankly and honestly, “It helps me deal with my grief and anger. When I’m skating around, trying to stop the other team from scoring, I’m not Wren, whose life has just fallen apart. I’m Helen Wheels.”

Cybil had started to laugh.  

“Helen Wheels? Like Hell On Wheels?”

Wren smiled back. “Yup.”

Cybil had hugged her friend. “You’ve always been hell on wheels. I’m just glad you finally made it official.”

*****

Wren was talking.

Cybil shook her head, “Sorry, I was thinking about when you became Helen Wheels. Great choice for a name!”

“Like you said, it’s official.”

They talked a little bit about the upcoming derby match on Saturday afternoon. It was local, so Wren didn’t have to worry about travel, and getting back in time for what she called her “real” job.

Cybil looked at her friend.

“Okay, how ‘bout this. You come over for a drink after your game. Brandon’s friend will be here. That way, it’s casual and informal. You don’t have to stay for dinner. No pressure. But you can if you want.”

Wren started to shake her head.

“And,” said Cybil, overriding Cybil “if you’re not having a good time, you can just leave. You know, just say you’re tired, it was a hard game, blah, blah, blah. Just stay for a drink. And if you want to leave, no harm, no foul. Or, you might decide to stay for dinner. Your choice.”

She smiled hopefully at Wren. Wren scrutinized her.

“Who are you doing this for? Me or Brandon?”

Cybil was a bit taken aback.

“You of course. I don’t really give a crap about Brandon’s friend. I’m only looking out for you, and hope that you have a good time.” She drew an “X” over her chest. “Cross my heart. You don’t have to marry the guy. You just might make a new friend.”

“You know I probably won’t like him.”

“I know. But you might surprise yourself. You won’t know unless you try.”

Wren thought about it. In fact she tried to think of a good reason why not. But she couldn’t. And she knew that Cybil was sincere — she just wanted to see Wren happy.

“Fine,” she said. “But if he’s a jerk, I’m out.”

Cybil bounced up and down on the couch, clapping her hands.  

“Yay! I’m pretty sure he’s not a jerk. You won’t regret it!” 

“And if he tries to steal my purse …”

They both laughed.

*****

“You? You’re my date? Unbelievable.”

”You guys know each other?” asked Brandon.

“Slightly,” said Wren.

Carlos Ito looked at Wren, squinting.

“I do know you …” he said, pausing, looking at her. “You’re the woman who body-slammed Jason Deville when he tried to steal your purse. At the coffee shop, right?”

“Yeah, and you’re the cop who told me it was dangerous to take on criminals.”

“That’s right!”  

Carlos looked at Brandon. “You said my date was a lawyer, not a roller derby queen.”

Wren looked from Brandon to Carlos. “I’m both.” She held out her hand. “Wren Baxter, aka Helen Wheels. Pleased to make your acquaintance, again.”

Carlos laughed at her derby her name.

“So,” said Carlos, “given any good body-slams recently?”

“Well,” said Wren, smiling, and taking a glass of red wine from Cybil, “I got in a couple of good ones in tonight’s game.”

“I can imagine!”

“You should come to a game.”

“I’d like that!”

Wren smiled at Cybil, who smiled back.