Star Shell

“Well, that was dramatic.”

“Yea….” Henry took a long drag off his cigarette to kill the pain in his throat. To push it back at least. “Is she gonna go?”

“Yea…she said she’ll only go if you’re the one to drive her.”

“Yea that won’t do….”

“Henry…” Her mother squeezed his arm. “……please.” Her eyes were filled with pain and fear.

“...alright then.” She tried to push some money into his hand and he tried in vain to push it away. He needed it. Drugs weren't getting any cheaper. She didn’t have to know that. So he nodded and shoved the money into his pocket with the promise of buying the food they both knew wouldn’t be eaten.

The pain was digging into the back of his throat like a railroad spike. He took another long hard drag to bury it.

“Did you want to come in while she packs?”

He shook his head and nodded towards his car.

“It’ll just take longer if I’m in there anyway.”

From inside they heard a scream and there was a loud smash.

Her mom nodded and crushed her cigarette before squeezing his arm and giving him a thank you so very much look.

She turn and walked back to the house in no hurry.

Another smash.

Henry walked over to his car. Her car….or at least it once was.

He didn’t even bother to look over his shoulder at the house before he took up his vile and his straw. He didn’t bother to look back at the house when he pulled out his flask to take a swig. Lights. Blue and red. He rubbed his face and scratched his head violently. He took another drink from his flask and tucked his straw and vile into his pocket. He lit another cigarette and opened his door.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!  Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! GET BACK IN THE VEHICLE!”

Henry bit down on the filter of his cigarette.

“I’m in the vehicle officer I only opened the door!”

“Play games with me?! What's your name?!”

He put his hands up; resting his forearms on the steering wheel.

“Would you like to see my I.D. sir my name is Henry.”

“Henry?! Henry what?!?”

Inside the house, more screaming could be heard. The cop didn’t care.

“Henry Slag.”

“HA! Dumb shit! Get the fuck out. You, are, under, arrest!” He got on his radio and called for backup. He seemed to get a kick out of the way he said it. There was an emphasis on the are.  

“Doing some drinking I see!

In handcuffs, he looked on at the house while the contents of his pockets were being emptied out onto the hood.

“WELL! WELL! WELL! WHATS THIS! I won’t even have to plant shit on you today!” he snorted at his own wit.

Fuck.

Another car came screeching around the corner. Lights. No sirens.

How many times had he been here?

How many times had he worn the iron bracelets in the light of the blue and red fire.

Questions.

No answers.

No reply.

Just a dead stare off his shoulder.

“I’m gonna go head over to the house! See if we can’t get this story straight!”

The house was more quiet now.

It always got quiet once he was in custody.

“No, I didn't call! We’re dealing with a family issue! That's my son in law he was just starting the car to warm it up for us!” Her mom was always a G. “No! You have no right to enter my home! Show me a fucking warrant!”

He was getting dizzy.

He’d been up for three days…

“Is that your mother-in-law?!”

Blank stare.

He sort of floated away.

Another squad car showed up.

“Did you fucking hit her?! You fucking piece of shit you fucking hit her don’t you huh?!??”

She was trying to push past her mother.

She had a black eye.

She was beautiful.

All the world was on fire.

She saw the cop that gave her the shinner and started calling him out. She had the song of every burning soul shining in her eyes.

There were 7.7 billion people ridding that cosmic roller coaster high above his head. 

God’s a carney.

Her name is Norma-Jean.

She sniffs glue and doesn't give a fuck about the “must be this tall too ride!” sign. She smokes reds and drinks silver bullets and when she huffs gas she huffs the high octane.

And she just fucking waves them on.  

A hard knock hit his head and it all went black.

#######

He dreamt of her.

They held hands.

They smiled and screamed.

He tried to kiss her. 

There was blood in the toilet bowl.

Her stomach was cut open and little dolls and flowers and her little love notes were falling out. 

She wanted off the ride.

She was trying to jump off.

He tried to hold on to her.

She didn’t want to be on the ride.

It wasn’t fun anymore.

#######

He woke in a hospital bed in the dead of night.

He just couldn’t take a hit anymore.

There was a cop sleeping in the chair in the corner.

He tried to hop out of bed and run but slammed himself down onto the ground. The cop woke up. Henry with his ass hanging out; cuffed to the hospital bed and laying on the floor threw upon himself. 

#######

“Mr. Slag the court finds you guilty…. Guilty on two counts of resisting arrest, one count of obstruction, and on the charge of assaulting a po-”

“OBJECTION YOUR HONOR! HOW CAN MY CLIENT BE FOUND GUILTY ON TWO COUNTS OF RESISTING ARREST HAVING ONLY BEEN ARRESTED ONCE! MY CLIENT ACTED IN A COM-”

“BAILIFF!”

Strong words.

Order.

Henry gave his young lawyer a nod, she smiled and returned it.

Henry stood in front of the judge and looked him dead in the eye.

“Thank you your honor.”

#######

She was clean.

For a few days at least.

She played in the park with her kids as her case worker looked on.

A supervised visit.

She was fucking cooked.

Her kids could tell mom wasn’t quite normal anymore. They had a notion even at their young age that she never would be.

“So how is she?”

Henry pulled out a cigarette and shrugged.

“You shouldn’t smoke in front of the kids.”

Henry nodded and lit his cigarette.

The children came running over.

“Hank! Hanky! Mom said we could have a sleep over!”

Henry took a drag of his cigarette and shook his head.

“You guys are staying with grandma tonight.”

#######

The house smelt like tin foil.

Like crack cocaine.

Like stale cigarettes.

Like empty bottles, trash, and ammonia.

She smiled at him.

“So the kids coming over? I thought we could take the car down to the lake and go swimming.”

He shook his head. It was the dead of winter.

“Why the fuck not I’m fucking clean!?”

He nodded.

“Fuck you! You’re banging my caseworker!”

He shook his head.

“Darlin we need talk abou-”

“Fuck you! You fucking rat! I found the microphone you hid in my hairbrush!”

There was some yelling.

The cops showed up.

He had a bloody nose when they did.

####

She had shown up at the bar in bare feet.

It was about -20 something that night.

He heard about it.

It undid two weeks' worth of drinking.

She was selling her body for her next high and for the roof over her head; the food she ate and the smacks to the face she took.

No one had seen her for a while since or before.

He could remember her eyes.

One was blue.

The other green.

One in ten thousand.

One would sometimes be dilated while the other a tiny little pinpoint.

She had sent him a rose.

A long, long, long time ago.

She asked him to save her.

He turned his back on her.

It tore his heart apart.

It was the first time anyone had ever bought him a flower.

It killed some part of him before he knew it was a part he had.

Her eyes. Her eyes. Her eyes.

The light that never died. The light he was sure he would see as bright as the first day he ever opened his own.

####

He stood by the kitchen window next to her mother looking out into the backyard.

Fay was gardening.

She was happy.

The kids were helping her and they were happy too.

Her mother looked over at him.

“You can’t bleed other people blood….”

Henry shook his head and took out the vile from his pocket.

“Nope…”

“You did what you could…”

He shook his head and took a snort of cocaine.

“I’ll never understand…”

Her mother shook her head.

“Alright, so you fucked up. You should have done better fine! She’s here now!”

He nodded and reached for the little bottle in his pocket. She smacked him.

“You think you got it so fucking bad!”

She smacked him again.

He paused waiting for another.

It didn’t come.

He took a deep swig and heard her sniffle.

“You know I did the best I could….”

He nodded.

Outside Fay’s eldest was helping her tie velcro shoes back one. Fay didn’t want to wear shoes. Her 13-year-old tried to explain to her why she had to wear shoes.

The railroad spike was being driven deep into his throat again.

“You can’t bleed other people blood….”

He nodded.

“It took a long time for me to understand what my mother meant when she told me that…when I got cut….she got cut too.”

Her mother broke down.

He tried to hold her but she pushed him away and she stomped down the hallway to go cry in her room alone. 

Fay came to the back door.

Eyes bright as they ever were.

One green.

One blue.

“Hey! Hanky boo! Come play outside!”