Her

It was March when Alana came over, I was alone because Jack went off to visit his family. Part of wonders if he knew about my urge to breakup with him and then he did it all on purpose. I couldn’t help it, Jack was a nice guy for the moment, but Alana was the one forevermore. I knew it since the day her heart was broken because of her missing cat – that eventually showed up.

I wished my arms were bigger, so I could catch her at any distance, so I could protect her from the night, how selfish am I? I wanted to hold her at every moment, at the sunrise, at the sunset, at midnight over and over. I prayed for her to feel the same for me, oh how terrible it would be to have the heavy hands of fate on me. Please don’t let this love be just a glimpse of a life when it could be the eternity.

That was the night I was going to confess all my love and devotion for her to her. Yes, I am in love with my best girlfriend. I have no apologies. Everything was perfect, I was keeping my words for the end of the night, if she didn’t feel the same that was okay, I mean, at least we had a marvelous time anyway.

I loved everything about her: the way her hair shined under the lights, the way she danced when she was embarrassed, the amount of earrings in her ears, her dress shirts, her voice, her laugh, how she always smiled at me, her handwritten, her words, the light in her eyes, her love for her cats, the way she understands the world and the people in it, her passion for life – and hopefully for me.

Right when the bottles were empty and I was full of braveness, Jack walked through the door. I already knew I didn’t love him anymore, but at until that moment I never knew how much I actually hated him. I just couldn’t believe it.

There he was: my boyfriend who’s supposed to be in another state. And there she was: my girlfriend who’s supposed to be the love of my life. And for ruining our whole night he said almost nothing, it’s like he knew what was going on inside of me. I have no apologies. I’m so sorry. That was all he said. But the anger in his eyes didn’t exactly match his words. From that moment we both knew that “us” was over. Never again me and him.

Jack really screw up the whole thing, he was an expert in making people uncomfortable, I wish I had sent him away when she was still there, maybe, who knows, I’d have had a chance. I never saw Alana again – just in my dreams. Unfortunately, she had to visit some parent who was sick and by the time she was back, I wasn’t around anymore.

It’s March again. That weird feeling still following me. I am sure I hided it well, well, at least no one ever found it. My alibi swore for her life she was telling the truth. He was a fool if he thought I was just let this go, the moment I caught him alone that was it – just like I dreamed of. I have no regrets. I have no apologies.

I once had a friend called Layla ‘till someday her boyfriend Jack reports his missing lover. As you can imagine, the cops could not proof he had anything to do if it, but I never had a doubt. The morning he reported was also the morning he got some brand new tires. How suspicious, don’t you think? Somehow the fella got rid of it, pretty convenient.

Layla’ sister told everyone she was with me that night. We had a sleepover! And here’s a good thing about living in really old buildings: they don’t have security cameras, and if they do, it usually doesn’t work.

I had no idea of how he and she ended up together. Don’t get me wrong, for some time I thought Jack was a nice guy, however as the time passed by all I can remember thinking it’s that I knew the look he had in his eyes: it was the look of someone who would do anything for the one they loved. If you know what I mean. If you don’t, I have no problem in using the words: the kind of nice guy beats in his girlfriend and claims it’s for love.

I know what you thinking and yes: I had better days. But so did Layla. I can’t help but wonder what kind of things he did to her? Where was her body? Did he abandon her in the middle of nowhere? What the hell did he do?

The last time I saw her we had a lovely night together until his suddenly arrival. She was supposed to tell me a secret, but I guess I’ll never know what it was. I wonder if she knew that for me the sun used to rise with her and it’d only sets for the stars in her iris. I wonder if she knew how much I loved her. How much I still love her. I would give everything to lay on the couch with her again. I would give anything to had kissed her just once. That’s what I regret.

We lived in the same building and passing by his floor my eye noticed it and the unlocked door unlocked my mind.  He once told me he likes girls gone wild, so there I went, darling.

He was in the shower – like it was possible to clean that dirty soul of his - when I walked into the house. Don’t worry Psycho it’s not my style, also I make no question of seeing him naked. I just casually slipped to the kitchen and there I paint all my favorite colors. Blue, yellow, orange, red.