The Mother of all Arguments

Mack closed her eyes and rubbed her fingertips to her temples. She leaned back in her chair, inhaled deeply and exhaled, just like the yoga teacher had taught her. She was so mad at Ethan and he was furious with her. Even still, she knew he was taking things too far. She heard the front door creak open, flinching as it slammed shut a few seconds later. She knew he was back home, but from the sound of the door, he hadn’t cooled off. And neither had she.

He walked past her, hands clenched at his side. She glanced at him as he walked past her into the kitchen, but didn’t dare make eye contact. She didn’t have to look at him closely to know that his jaw was clenched and the tiny veins were popping out of his forehead. She was surprised his veins hadn’t popped completely and stated bleeding by now, if that was even possible. How could he not understand her position? What could she do, what could she say, to make him understand? Nothing, she already knew. She’d spent five years married to the man and she knew that once they disagreed so strongly, there was no seeing eye to eye. She couldn’t understand why he couldn’t compromise like she could. She’d done it plenty of times in the past and he barely seemed to acknowledge her sacrifice. She blew out another heated breath and rose from her chair, grasping the arms for support as she realized her legs felt weak, like jelly. She didn’t know whether it was anger or stress, or possibly both, that made her feel like she couldn’t get a full breath into her lungs. She walked into the kitchen slowly, glancing around her to see what she could grab onto if needed. A wooden chair from the table would do. Her voice shook with fear as she spoke. She didn’t usually fear confronting Ethan, but somehow this time was different.

“Ethan, I…can we talk about it?” He didn’t turn around from his place at the sink, but continued to stare out the window as he said,

“We’ve already talked about it and we can’t agree. Why do we have to keep hashing it out?”

“Because there has to be a solution. Or at least a decision.”

“We’ve already made the decision.” She suddenly found her voice and she knew her anger would come through perfectly clear.

“No, you’ve made the decision. We haven’t.” At this he turned, his blue eyes morphing into steel grey.

“Every time we have this discussion it turns into an argument and we always come to the same conclusion. I can’t believe we’re arguing over this. For the billionth time.”

“We’re arguing over it because we can never come to a compromise.”

“I don’t want your mother her, Mack.”

“Well I do! She’s my mother, Ethan, and we have to treat her with respect.”

“No, you do, I don’t.”

“You should, she’s your mother-in-law!” Mack screamed at him. His eyes flickered with uncertainty as he said,

“I don’t know why you’d want her here, especially after the way she treated me at the wedding.”

“Why can’t you just forgive her?”

“Why can’t you see my side?”

“I do see your side! Why do you think I didn’t talk to her for the first 6 months of our marriage? Do you think I did it for fun? I did it to support you.”

“You’re not supporting me now. You’re catering to her every need.”

“I am not! I’m trying to make it easier for her to come visit us. You know hotels in the area are expensive, and the ones she can afford are in dangerous parts of town. You can’t expect me to ask her to stay somewhere dangerous, and unless you’re going to pay for her hotel, she can’t stay in any of the ones around here. The only solution is for her to stay with us.”

“The other solution is for her to stay home. She doesn’t have to come.”

“You’re right, she doesn’t. But she wants to see us.”

“No, she wants to see you.” Mack threw her hands up and smacked them down to her sides.

“She wants to see both of us. She likes you! You should hear how she talks about you when I have those three way calls with her and Aunt Tracey. She really does like you, Ethan. You’re family, and she wants to come visit both of us. Please, see my side in this, too.” He folded his arms across his chest and sighed.

“I’m trying, Mack. I really am. But every time I think of her coming here, I remember what she said to me at the wedding. You didn’t even hear it all, and I’m glad. It would have really hurt you.” Her voice softened.

“I was already really hurt, Ethan. Don’t you know that?” She barely saw him nod as he dropped his chin. For the first time, she realized he was hurt too, not just angry. She realized that maybe hurt was the first emotion that he was feeling, and anger was the only one he could express. Just like her.

“I want you to be happy, but I don’t want her to walk all over us.”

“She’s not, Ethan. And I’m already happy with you. It’s just that I see my mother once a year, and every time she comes it leads to fights, stress and anxiety. It makes the time she’s here less enjoyable. I just want her to stay with us and have a good time. It’s only for a week and then she’ll be gone. Please, Ethan. Please.” He ran a hand through his hair like he did when he was thinking really hard about something. Mack shifted her weight from one foot to the other and gripped the back of the chair closest to her.

“Why do you want her around so much, Mack? That’s the question that plagues me every time this issue comes up. What makes you cling to her so much? Why do you let her so close to you, to us, after the way she treated us at our wedding?” Mack took a deep breath and with a voice barely audible to Ethan, she said,

“Because she came to the wedding. She showed up and my dad didn’t. Everyone that was invited came except for him. Everyone on your side, your parents, grandparents, cousins you hadn’t seen in 10 years. They all came. And so did my mom. You had everyone that’s important to you there on the best day of our lives. I had everyone except my dad, who could have, if he’d wanted, had one of the most important roles in our wedding.”

“I know that hurt you, but what does that have to do with your mom? They barely talk since the divorce.” Tears pooled in her eyes as she continued,

“Because my dad wasn’t there to tell me how beautiful I looked. He wasn’t there to walk me down the aisle or place my hand in yours. To give over the protection, the care, the love, to transfer my safety from his arms into yours. He wasn’t there to hear me declare how much I love you and will always be there for you. To hear my vow of obedience, love and support to the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. He missed it all and that was his choice. But my mother, despite her objections to our marriage, despite her dislike of you, she came. She saw it all. And yes, she said some horrible things to us. But she stayed. And she has proven that she can change. One day, I’ll look and she won’t be there, just like my dad. I don’t want her to walk away from me because we don’t treat her well. Because you shun her. I don’t want her to be pushed away. You have your whole family to support you. Most of my family doesn’t even call to check on us, or ask to visit. My dad isn’t in my life and my mom is. Please, let her stay, Ethan. ” He walked over to Mack and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and whispered,

“Of course she can stay. I’m so sorry, Mack.”

“I’m sorry, too. I didn’t realize you felt like I wasn’t supporting you.”

“I didn’t think about all that. Of course, I wanted your dad there and I was angry that he didn’t show up. I just wasn’t thinking about that being the reason you cling to your mom so much. I’m sorry, honey. And I know I should have told you how I was feeling.”

“So should I. We’ll both do better from now on.”

“Yes, we will. I promise, from here on out, your mother can stay with us any time she wants. I promise to be a lot nicer to her. I didn’t even realize I was shunning her, I was just trying to avoid causing a fight.”

“I can see that now. But by ignoring her and fighting me tooth and nail on where she stays, you were shunning her.”

“I understand that now, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We’ll both be better at talking and listening to each other. And next time we have a disagreement, can we at least agree to talk it out like this first so it won’t become another five year fight?”

“Of course, I completely agree.” Mack rested her head against Ethan’s chest and they stood there in silence for a minute. He rested his chin on the top of her head and rubbed her back. She looked up at him and grinned.

“So, now that we’ve agreed she can stay, can I go call her and tell her to start packing?” Ethan shook his head.

“No.” He said plainly. Brows knit together, Mack opened her mouth to object when Ethan put a finger to her lips and continued, “We can go call her and tell her to start packing. If I’m on the call with you, she’ll know that I really am okay with her staying this time. You won’t have to try and convince her I’m okay with it, because I actually am now.” Mack smiled and stretched on her tip toes to land a kiss on Ethan’s mouth.

“I love you.”

“And I love you.” Together, for the first time in five years, they called her mother and invited her to stay with them for the week. They’d turned their argument into a conversation and turned their marriage around in the process.