Naomi May makes me gay

Straight. Straight. Straight. That’s always how it has been. That’s how it should be. That’s how it's SUPPOSED to be. If that's how it was intended, why is she so pretty. There sitting across the room was Naomi May. High school sophomore, speech and debate member, class president, first class hottie (not that I would tell anyone that.) She has a debate tournament tomorrow so she was working on her case but it wasn't like I really cared. She did her things I did mine. On top of that gay couples were generally frowned upon at our school. You wouldn't see the class president caught with a cheerleader. Unless of course they were assigned partners for a class project, then they would expect me to just use her because she's smart. I mean I'm a cheerleader not a total bitch. Stereotypes are pretty strong in high school but come on. What do they take me for? 

My day dreaming gets interrupted when Ms. Guyer’s tapping heels come up to my desk. There she was with a black blazer and a matching skirt looking disapprovingly at me. Oh come on what did I do now?

"Taylor."

She looked at least a little upset. Arms crossed. Furrowed brows. Downward

expression. I start nervously playing with the edge of my cheer skirt. We have

a game tonight and I would really prefer to not get a detention before the

game.

“Ms. Guyer” I respond, trying not to make eye contact.

“Taylor… Please see me after class” I groan as she and her tapping heels walk away. I either did something, or my grade isn’t doing so hot. I should have known. History is like my worst subject. I look down at my unfinished work. All I have put down is my name and a couple hearts which I probably subconsciously drew while thinking about Naomi. God I couldn’t do anything right. I’m a cheerleader. A straight, smart, well mannered, cheerleader. That’s what I wanted to be but right now I felt like the furthest thing from it. I started packing up, stuffing papers into my crammed backpack. Am I a lesbian? Or maybe I’m bisexual? Labels confuse me. I don’t want to be gay. I really don’t. It would just make things more complicated. I rub my forehead as the bell rings. Students flood out the door going to their last class of the day.

“Ms. Guyer” I say as everyone leaves. Its just me and her now in the classroom. I really hope this isn’t a big deal.

“Taylor” her expression is softened this time but I sense disappointment behind her smile. Why couldn’t I just go to my next class. 

“Taylor I’m worried about you. You’re barely passing with a C. I just… You have potential but I think you need a little help.” She looks at me with sympathetic eyes.

“I’m sorry Ms. Guyer I just have been really busy with cheer and… other stuff.” I look at her but bite my lip in slight annoyance. She sighed.

“I understand but I think a tutor might help. I can set you up with someone. I know a few students who would be willing to help.” I didn’t respond. 

“How about Thursday? I’ll set you up for a meeting with them after school that day?”

 Maybe this would be good. Get this over with, boost my grade, no more worries. 

“Yeah. How about Tuesdays and Thursdays? I don’t have cheer practice then” Ms. Guyer smiled wide and looked relieved.

“I’ll ask them if that works. Thanks Taylor.” I nod and her and give her a slight smile before heading towards the door and my next class.

“Oh wait!” She calls. “Here, a pass to your next class”

“Thanks” I mumble and start towards the door again.

 I cant believe I’m getting a tutor. I really don’t have time for a tutor so I don’t even know why I agreed. I want good grades, to get a decent GPA but I’m not super mad at a C its not like I wanted to be Naomi. I cant believe I’m still thinking about her or why I think I have a chance. We couldn’t be more different and I’m positive she’s straight. Naomi May is the epitome of straight. She may not be your preppy mean girl but I’m telling you right now she’s a hetero if I’ve ever seen one. I’ve seen the way she flirts with random guys in the hallways. That girl is a nerd but she is the most beautiful confident nerd I’ve ever seen. She would be the one slamming you into a locker. Honestly she could slam me into a locker anytime but that’s another one of those things I would never say out loud. 

I think so many things of Naomi May but none of which I would have any balls to say to her face. I would tell her that I hate feeling this way because it feels so taboo, that I love seeing her face every morning, that I love her eyes and her nose is adorable, I would tell her that I think about her way too often and that she might just be the hottest person I have ever seen. I would tell her that I’m so confused and feel so alone. Can I be gay and a cheerleader at the same time. What would be parents even think if I told them. Would it be more awkward at home. Maybe it is just a phase and I’ve got this all wrong. Maybe I’m mentally ill. Maybe we could be together in another life but not here, because here I’m a just blonde cheerleader and you’re the most smart, confident, person I’ve ever laid my eyes on. That is what I would say to her.

 As soon as I know it the day is over. I practically day dreamed my way through the day. I’m not sure why I’m suddenly thinking of her all the time. I guess it started when my friend Allison asked me if I had to kiss a girl who would I kiss. I’ve always though Naomi was pretty but I guess Allison just made me realize I don’t see her just as this girl I admire. I admire her and want to kiss her until we are both out of breath. I want to kiss her every second. In public, and in private.

Ugh

 I have to shake this off. I have a big game tonight and I have to focus. I’m sure cheering will get it off my mind. Every time I’m stressed out it always has. Just focus on cheer and get this nonsense of your head.

It was then that I decided that Naomi May was absolutely dead to me and that little silly crush was a dumpster fire. At least that’s how I wish it ended. 

This is the beginning of a book I was starting to write! Thanks for reading! Please list constructive criticism in the comments and tell me what you think!