Santa Claus is Coming to the Party

Alex and I were messing up my makeup and hair in the guest bedroom where all the coats and purses were being stashed. We’d locked the door, but no one had tried to get in within the last fifteen minutes. This was a good thing because my bra had just come off.

Outside the guest room, the company Christmas party was in full swing. Music was playing at a high decibel, and people were laughing over the sound of Mariah Carey singing about all she wanted for Christmas. Realtors might be some of the laziest self-employed people on the face of the Earth, but they knew how to party. Alex’s wife was out there, hopefully drinking all the vodka. She wouldn’t notice he was gone for at least another hour. We’d picked the sweet spot of timing - all the fashionably late people had already arrived, and those who were headed for the next party or bed weren’t leaving yet.

“We probably should have done this in one of the kids’ rooms,” I panted.

“No way. Poor taste,” Alex said breathlessly, undoing his pants.

At that moment, someone tried the door. Finding it locked, they knocked.

“In the closet!” Alex whispered to me. I was already on the way. It would be much easier for Alex to get put back together than me. I saw him kick my bra under the bed as he tucked his shirt in. He unlocked the door. “Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to lock it. I was just looking for something in my coat.”

“You dog! You’ve got lipstick all over your face!” Michael laughed. “Who is it? Lisa from the front desk?”

“Shhh!” Alex shushed, pulling Michael in and closing the door again. “What’s my wife doing?”

“Right now, she’s working on drinking the entire kitchen and flirting with Doug.”

“Good. Where are you going, man?”

“We’ve got to hit Michelle’s Christmas party now. I gotta say, I love a good party, but it gets kinda ridiculous in December. This is the fifth one we’ve been to this week. I just wanna sit in front of the TV and watch the game.” He dug through the coats on the bed. “So where’s Lisa?”

“Who?” Alex asked.

“The front desk chick. I guess it’s not her, though, huh? Is she under the bed?” Michael crouched down and threw back the comforter. He pulled out my purple bra. My face was so hot, I was sure I’d spontaneously combust soon.

“Nice, dude!” Michael pretended to put the bra on and rubbed the cups.

Alex grabbed my bra and shoved it in his pocket. 

Claudia, the hostess, opened the door and stuck her head in, “Hey, has anyone seen Margaret?”

Both men shook their heads.

“She was supposed to give me the recipe for her dip.” Claudia shrugged. “I guess she left.”

Alex almost said something about no one having grabbed a coat in the past fifteen minutes, but he caught himself. “She’s probably around here somewhere,” he said instead.

“Well, if you see her, let her know I’m looking for her.”

“Sure thing,” Alex said.

The two men continued digging through the giant pile of coats until Michael found his and Michelle’s. “We’re not done here, mister. I want a complete update on Monday morning.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex waved him off. “Be safe, have a good time at your next party. Merry Christmas and all that jazz.”

“Merry Christmas, man,” Michael said. A little louder, “Merry Christmas, Mystery Lady. Love the bra!”

Alex shoved Michael out the door and locked it again. 

I exited the closet. “That was too close.”

“Where were we?” he said, reaching for me.

“You’re kidding, right? Michael almost caught us. Look, if we’re going to do this, let’s do this like grownups - in a motel that charges by the hour,” I said, grinning. I pulled my bra out of Alex’s pocket and put it back on. Then I retrieved my makeup bag from my purse and started reapplying my lipstick. I smoothed out my hair and fastened it securely with additional bobby pins. I turned to Alex. “Do I look okay?”

He put his arms around me, “Good enough to eat.” He kissed me lightly on the cheek. He unlocked the door and looked both ways.

Satisfied that everyone was otherwise occupied, he motioned for me to follow him. I did a detour into the half bath on the way to the living area, and as I was opening the door, Claudia confronted me.

“Rachel. Have you seen Margaret?”

“Nope, she’s not in there,” I joked.

“No one has seen her, not even her husband,” she said.

“Have you checked the other bathrooms? Upstairs?” I asked, unconcerned.

“Yes, I’ve checked everywhere. Her car is still here. I’m going to go and see if her coat is still here.”

I was walking on air as Claudia headed toward the guest room. Two minutes more, and we would have surely been caught.

When I joined the rest of the party, everyone was talking about Margaret. The music had been turned down. “I saw her about fifteen minutes ago,” one woman said. “We were outside by the fire pit. I came inside for a refill and didn’t go back out.” A couple of other people confirmed that they had seen her by the fire pit, as well.

“Maybe she went for a walk,” someone else suggested.

George, her husband answered, “No, her hip had been bothering her for the past couple of days.”

“When was the last time you saw her, George?” Claudia asked.

“I’m not sure, but it was right before she went outside to sit by the fire pit.”

“I’m sure she’ll turn up soon,” I said. “She’s a grownup. Maybe she just went on a snack or beverage run with someone.” Everyone agreed, and the music was turned back up.

Thirty minutes later, Lisa from the front desk came up to me. “Have you seen my husband?”

I’d been standing around talking with Vicki, another Realtor, and Alex. “He must have left with my boyfriend for a beer run because I haven’t seen him, either. They’ll be back soon.”

“He’s not answering my texts,” Lisa said. “He always answers.”

“Let me try calling Oscar,” Vicki said, dialing. A phone started ringing on the kitchen counter. Vicki walked over to it and held it up. “They don’t work as well when you don’t remember to take them with you,” she said sarcastically.

The Santa that Doug hired was making his way through the crowd, holding a cup of eggnog. “Something about that Santa gives me the creeps,” I said to Alex under my breath. “It’s like he’s watching everyone too closely. And he reeks of alcohol.”

“Maybe he’s just trying to discern who’s been naughty or nice,” he said, twitching his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

“I’m serious. There’s something about him I don’t like.”

“Babe, he’s drinking eggnog. I’m sure he’s plastered.” As if confirming Alex’s theory, Santa stumbled into a woman and whispered into her ear. They walked together outside, Santa leading the woman by the forearm. “Maybe she needs to tell him her wish list?” Alex said, but by the tone of his voice, I could tell he was less convinced now.

George was making his rounds again, looking for his wife. He stopped at our little gathering. “I’m going to drive around the neighborhood. She’s been gone for nearly an hour now, I want to make sure she didn’t go for a walk, after all. I’m starting to worry about her.”

“Did you try her cell?” Vicki offered. 

“She doesn’t believe in cell phones.” He walked toward the coat room.

“How in the world does she do real estate without a cell phone?” I asked.

“She’s old school. She comes to the office from nine to five and has an office number. Her clients have learned to adapt.”

“I should try that. Maybe then I could earn more than $70,000 a year. She makes a killing!” I said.

“She definitely treats it like a job. She takes two weeks off in the summer for vacation, and she’s in the office every day,” Alex added.

The music was turned down again. “Has anyone seen Doug?” Claudia asked loudly.

“Or Oscar?” Lisa asked.

“Or Jose?” someone chimed in.

“Or Angela?”

“Or Freddy?”

The roll call for missing people was growing, and after a short conversation, we learned that all of the cars and coats were still here. There were only about thirty people left at the party.

“This is getting eerie,” I said to Alex.

“People are just starting to leave,” he said.

I looked at my watch. “It’s only eight seventeen.”

“Yeah, but people have other parties to hit.”

“What was the name of the woman Santa bumped into earlier?” I asked Vicki.

“That was Leslie.”

“Has anyone seen her?” We walked around the party, looking for her. She was nowhere to be seen. Alex ventured upstairs, even though it was off limits to the party. When he came back down, he shook his head.

He walked back over to Vicki and me. “We need to watch who Santa interacts with,” I suggested.

“Babe, are you serious?”

“What’s going on between you two?” Vicki raised one perfectly lined eyebrow.

“Nothing,” we said in unison.

“Isn’t that your wife over there?” Vicki asked Alex. His wife was laughing and had a hand on Santa’s chest.

“Alex, go talk to your wife,” I said. “Now.” Looking confused and a little hurt, Alex went to her.

“Excuse me, Vicki,” I said and shuffled nearer to the Santa. He had turned and was talking to Tom now. The two of them walked outside. I followed. Santa and Tom appeared to be deep in a heated discussion when Santa pushed Tom into the fire pit! Tom disappeared in a puff of smoke. Not thinking, I ran to Santa and pushed him hard into the pit. A piece of paper flew up into the air before Santa disappeared, as well. It floated to the ground. When I picked it up, I saw that it was a list of names. Across the top of the paper, there was one word written in calligraphy: “Naughty.”