The Cards You Have

It isn’t always so bad. Really. I can be entertaining. So perfectionistic. I make perfectionists nervous. I can laugh at myself, too.

You aren’t the first to put two and two together. What a curious phrase that is. No one talks about putting one and one together. Connect the dots, make connections.

You need others for that.

So, I’ll be what you want me to be. That’s always the trick. I am guessing what others want before they are on to me. Or off to me. More off than on.

I have to work on that.

#

She never paid that much attention. I’m that person—the one she doesn’t want to think about.

Seems natural to me to always be “that person.” Been one all my life. It’s no evolutionary secret that only the fittest survive. Bullying is an integral part of human nature.

You see, only the dominant male and female in a wolf pack get to mate. It keeps the inferior ones from passing on their defective genes. And animals pick on their kind all the time.

Squirrels chase each other, and every species of animal establishes their territory. It shouldn't be surprising if the milk of human kindness runs thin. There’s an evolutionary purpose.

But we inferior ones need to live still. Where’s the evolutionary purpose in that? Hard to say. The spinster aunt wolf helps guard the dominant female's pups in that wolf pack. Also, a wolf pack needs to be a pack. There have to be other wolves. The dominant male and female wouldn’t get by without the underlings.

Millions and millions of underlings. Far more than you would ever imagine! As far as the eye can see.

#

“Are you going to do that photocopying or not?”

I awake to a spasm of guilt. She’s at my desk again. Glaring. Supposedly, we are equals, but Amanda has this gig all sewn up—slow pressure on me to do what she wants.

“Sure. Didn’t I say I would do it?”

She strides away. “Whatever!”

I’m the last desk on the way to the washroom. Would she have bothered to speak to me without another more pressing business? Hard to say. But if I’m not in the photocopy room by the time she goes back by my desk, she’ll blast me again.

So, I wonder how you build confidence and achieve your goals when you aren’t supposed to pass on your genes? Some people never get this. You constantly strive for attention, always trying to get ahead when the whole game is rigged.

It’s like that neighbor or co-worker who always waits for you to say hello first. Or worse, never even acknowledges your existence! What is their game? Simple. You are not at their level. If push comes to shove, you're starving, dying, doing without.

Get this: If there are layoffs, who do you think will be out the door first, Amanda or yours truly? And it doesn’t matter how hard I work either.

This makes me think of that joke. You know, the one about the sled dogs in the Arctic? Well, it is more a saying than a joke:

If you are not the lead dog, the view never changes!

Ouch. I resemble that comment.

#

But I’m such a pain when I get like this. Why should you trust what I say? I’m not dominant. Do you know the golden rule? Thems that has the gold makes the rules? Wouldn’t you instead get advice about life from a winner?

Yeah, that is odd how we feel so sorry for the losers. I’ll never forget that scene from the movie by Oliver Stone called “Platoon.” Charlie Sheen, playing a character named Chris, is explaining to another character called King why he volunteered to go to Vietnam and fight:

Chris: Why should just the poor kids go off to war, and the rich kids always get away with it?

King: What we got here is a crusader. You got to be rich in the first place to think like that!

That kind of sums it up, doesn’t it? People like Chris, who come from families used to winning in life and who have the upper hand, are so out of touch with life that they don't see things correctly! They need people like King to point out how ridiculous they can be.

Oh, to be a philosopher about life and see things for what they are, like Platoon's King!

I’m not trying to be facetious. Half the time, I don’t even know what that word means. I must be trying to impress you. Trying too hard, like always.

But what do the underlings have to offer except sad stories and a correct understanding of how the world works?

Ever watch movies about millionaires? Have you been moved to tears about any of them and had a good cry over a rich person ruining their lives? No?

Of course not. Look at the classic stories that have been told for generations. Great themes are explored through human suffering. Stories about rich, dominant people who are not suffering are boring unless you enjoy watching them ruin other people's lives!

#

Oops! Boss time. That look on his face. Maybe an email would be better. It’s always the same. Blah Blah Blah. For the good of the company. Changes…certain people…we’re grateful for…Josh, could I see you in my office?

Oh, that walk of humiliation, those fake sad looks as I pass by everyone. Secretly, they’re happy. They aren’t the ones this time.

The big boss is sitting in. So much bigger than my boss. Have you ever noticed how the leaders have bigger heads than us, more pedestrian types? They’re taller, too. There are no shorties amongst them. Oh, sorry. I mustn’t talk that way. How might you talk about someone short? Developmentally challenged? Nope. Underwhelming physicality? Uh uh. Forget it. Never talk about it.

“Josh, have a seat.”

Hmm, do I get to take it with me? It won’t fit into that famous cardboard box the fired brokers walk out of their failed brokerage firms with. I wonder how much stuff gets stolen on days like these? Is that why there’s always a security guard who walks you out? I look around that corner office. No one is straining to get out of an ill-fitting black SWAT uniform. Not yet, anyway.

“Josh, we appreciate…”

PR for someone losing their job? Come on! He blathers on and on. He must be trying to feel better. It's not for my benefit that I have to patiently listen while all I wonder about is how much severance they are offering and whether I get to keep some sort of benefits until I secure a new position. If I do, that is.

But you see, it's all in the cards. You are dealt a hand, and that’s all there is to it. Ditch the unrealistic dreams and deal. You can deal with anything when you know what the score is. I have my philosophy of life to protect me.